Survivor Resident Evil Style
by Wesker Chick
Summary: Based on the hit reality show Survivor. 20 RE characters are thrown on an island together. Wesker is the host. Who will survive?
1. Welcome to Survivor

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Resident Evil, Vicadin or Survivor. There, please don't sue me.

A/N: A strange idea I know, sorta inspired by Hello Captain and CassSpaz's story based on the show Big Brother (Great fic you should read it _An Actually Entertaining Big Brother_, very good. Yes it's a shameless plug but it's still very good.). So you have them to thank for the strangeness which is about to occur. I hope you enjoy.

The camera pans over a large and lush tropical island in the Caribbean. A rather monotone voice overlays the images.

"This is where our twenty contestants will have to survive for 39 days. Of course some of them won't see the end. Some of them won't last. Watch alliances crumble under the strain as each person realizes only one of them can walk away with a million dollars. And without further fan fare I present our special guest host for this run of Survivor…Albert Wesker!"

Albert Wesker walks out onto the sandy beach, in his trademark black combat outfit and black sunglasses.

"Welcome to this special edition of Survivor. I'm your host Albert Wesker. Let's meet our unfortunate contestants." 

Wesker grimaces slightly, as he pulls out a clipboard and looks over the names. If he didn't need the money, he sure as hell wouldn't be here. But hey even an evil bastard has to pay rent, and the HCF hasn't given him a raise lately.

"Alright, our first contestant on the Umbrella Tribe. From a lab in Europe, Nemesis. God I need a drink." Rubs a hand across his head. He sweating his lying butt off out here.

Nemesis wanders onto the beach in a pair of khaki shorts, and a Hawaiian shirt. He waves, smiling. At least it looks like he's smiling, with him, who can tell?

"Next we have, from deep under Raccoon City, William Birkin!" Attempts to smile but comes off looking just evil.

Birkin is shoved onto the beach by a pair of unknown hands. He's white as a sheet, and still wearing a disheveled lab coat, which just isn't going well with the _I Love Umbrella _tee shirt and blue shorts_. _He looks around wildly. "Ach! This is outside!" Shields his eyes. "My, I never realized it could be so bright out here."

"Yes Dr. Dimwit, that's what happens when you spend all your time in a lab." sighs " Moving on. The man of mystery himself…Hunk!" Still attempting to be chipper and perky, but finally gives it up as a lost cause.

Hunk walks out onto the beach in black shorts and matching tank top. He immediately spots Birkin, who yelps with surprise and takes refuge behind Nemesis. 

"Alright. Next, member of Umbrella's U.B.C.S. and a treacherous bastard, much like myself. Nicholai Ginovaef." 

Nicholai struts out, glaring at everyone. He's still in his U.B.C.S. uniform.

"Next, from Rockfort Island. Everyone's favorite cross dresser…Alfred Ashford." Waves a hand in front of his face. "Damn it's hot out here."

Alfred bounds out wearing a red bikini.

"Oh God, my eyes!!" Wesker screams, turning his face. "Christ boy find a shirt or something! Next on our list is, ah yes. Dr. James Marcus."

Marcus struts out onto the beach in his white dress, accompanied by several leeches. Wesker groans, shaking his head.

"Nice dress.", Alfred says nodding. Marcus smiles back at him.

"Ya they ought to get along just fine." Wesker rolls his eyes, sighing. "Our sixth member of the Umbrella Tribe is a former employee of Umbrella, and a former human. The female tyrant…Morpheus D. Duvall." Stares at notes. "Female tyrant? What Capcom employee came up with that twisted idea?"

A tall willowy tyrant with long white hair struts out, wearing red daisy dukes, and a halter top. Alfred jumps, as she accidentally zaps him with electricity. Wesker gives the new arrival an appraising look.

"Not bad looking really." Realizes the camera is back on him. "Well…ah…anyway. Our next tribe member is the lovely yet twisted Alexia Ashford"

"You can't call my sister twisted!!!" Alfred runs over and jumps on Wesker's back, slapping him in the head with a sandal.

"Oh man, it touched me!!" Wesker grabs Alfred by the neck, and tosses him into the trees behind them. "Damn, now I need a bath!"

Alexia came running out a moment later, looking quite lovely, in a purple bikini and sarong. 

"You arrogant bastard! How dare you lay a hand on my brother?! Only I have the privilege of beating him senseless!" She then proceeds to bitch slap Wesker, who is kinda sorta cowering in fear at this point.

"Commercial!! Commercial would be good about now!!" Wesker screams, while trying to ward off the blows.

*2 minutes later*

Wesker readjusts his sunglasses which are a bit the worse for wear at the moment. But he is cooler since Alexia ripped his shirt during the altercation. He now stands before the viewing audience in a black tank top. Alexia is cooing over Alfred, who is unhurt, and glaring in Wesker's direction.

"Survivor number ten is none other than William Birkin's lab partner and wife…Annette Birkin!" Scratches his head. "Can she be on here?" Grabs a sheet of paper handed to him from off screen. Quickly reads over it. "Oh well, contract says it's ok. I mean, like I really give a damn in the first place."

Annette walks out, looking as disheveld and sleep deprived as her husband. But at least their outfits match. Apparently they were both kidnapped out of the their labs and tossed onto the show. But hey if they'd have read their Umbrella contracts more carefully, they'd have realized this was going to happen.

"And our final Umbrella Tribe member is the mysterious spy Ada Wong!" Quickly checks over his notes. "Why the hell is she on the Umbrella Tribe, she works for me. Oh well." 

Ada struts out in black shorts, and magenta bikini top. Annette glares at her angrily, but Ada ignores her.

"And now onto our second Tribe. First on the S.T.A.R.S. tribe is…" Shuffles papers around until he finds the S.T.A.R.S. list. His mood darkens considerably, as he skims over the names. "Chris…Redfield. Must control violent urges."

Chris walks out, wearing green shorts, and S.T.A.R.S. tee shirt. He glares at Wesker and the Umbrella tribe, but says nothing.

"Next…ah hell, if one wasn't bad enough…the insolent Redfield's younger sister Claire."

Claire runs out, wearing red shorts and a red sports bra. Chris blanches a bit.

"Claire! Those shorts have the Umbrella logo on them!"

"So?" She shrugs, not quite understanding what he's getting so worked up about.

"Claire. Umbrella is evil, remember?"

"I know, but they were free." Chris shakes his head.

Secretly delighted at the agony of Chris, even if it is just small agony, Wesker consults his list again. "Our third tribe member is that tube top wearing trollop…Jill Valentine!"

Jill walks out, passes Chris and Claire, and stops in front of Wesker. 

"Trollop?" She makes a move to hit him in the face. As Wesker attempts to stop her she kicks him, right between the legs. Wesker hit's the ground like a sack of potatoes. On the S.T.A.R.S. S. side Chris and Claire are hooting and yelling. While over on the Umbrella side, Marcus, Alfred and Alexia are cheering Jill on. Jill makes a dainty bow, and walks back to her tribe mates.

Wesker rolls onto his side, and squints toward the camera, then makes a plea in a very distraught and somewhat high pitched voice. "Commercial! And some ice please…"

*2 minutes later*

Wesker stands once more before the cameras though he looks much more uncomfortable than before. He grimaces slightly, then goes on with his introductions.

"Ok, our next tribe member is that lovable if somewhat naive and empty headed R.P.D. officer…Leon S. Kennedy!" Moves off camera as Leon walks out. "More ice."

Leon walks on camera, wearing blue shorts, and an R.P.D. tank top. He leans toward Jill. "You know, I know Wesker sort of deserved that but…I mean damn even I felt that."

Jill shrugs. "He's bigger than me so I don't play nice."

"I noticed."

Wesker limps back on camera, looking somewhat better, in fact his face is rather flushed. He looks at his clipboard again, swaying slightly. "Ok then. Next tribe member. Your favorite medic, and mine…Rebecca Chambers!! Wheee!" Sways back and forth, humming to himself.

Rebecca comes bounding out, wearing a green midriff tank top and shorts. She glances towards Wesker, and puts a hand to her mouth. "Oh dear."

"What?" Chris has also been watching Wesker's odd behavior.

"Well, I gave him a Vicadin during the last commercial, since he was in a lot of pain. Then I believe he just drank half of a Bahama Mama when Leon came out. " Rebecca looks rather distressed over the state of our illustrious, if somewhat evil, host.

"So basically he's high, right?" Claire asks, giggling to herself. Rebecca nods.

"Oh this outta be good." Chris is somewhat elated to see his enemy in such a state.

"Ok, our next person trying for that million is none other than the chicken hearted idiot who left everyone to die in Raccoon Forest…Brad Vickers! Give the guy a hand, I mean he's about to embarrass himself on national television." Motions off screen, while swinging his clipboard around wildly.

Brad slinks out, in green pants, and no shirt. "I already want to go home."

"Sorry boy, only way off the island is to be voted off. Though I wouldn't worry too much, I doubt any of the teammates you left to die in a zombie infested mansion hold a grudge. Of course I do, but hey, I'm evil." Wesker is still in perky mode, running on a Vicadin high, and has somehow lost his sunglasses in the process. "On to our next victim. He was on his way to prison, but got attacked by giant leeches instead…Billy Coen. Wow we got all the pretty boys on here didn't we?" Begins humming again.

Billy wanders out, wearing the same outfit from the train, sans handcuffs of course. "What in the hell is the matter with him?"

And, in unison the S.T.A.R.S. team replies. "Vicadin high"

"Ok, ya, this is just getting on my nerves, and taking way too long. Cause I got like a date later with the makeup girl." Grins stupidly. Everyone else stares at him with blank expressions. "What? I mean I may be a treacherous bastard, and maybe I'm not entirely human, but I do date damn it! Anyway our final three contestants are… Carlos Oliveria, Yoko Suzuki, and Alyssa Ashcroft."

The last three contestants are pushed into camera range. Carlos is wearing green swimming trunks and a green U.B.C.S. tee shirt. Yoko, is in cut off shorts and a green tube top. Alyssa is wearing designer shorts, and matching blouse. All three look slightly bewildered. Wesker shuffles over to the Umbrella Tribe and hands each team member a red and white buff with the Umbrella logo. He also hands Birkin a map.

"That's to get to your campsite. There's a bunch of stuff there, you're gonna need, and like you gotta start a fire and stuff." Shoos the Umbrella tribe off. The Tribe marches off, looking slightly bewildered. "Oh and don't forget to make your tribe flag." Then our Vicadin high host stumbles over to the S.T.A.R.S. team. He hands Chris a map to their camp site and each tribe member a yellow and blue buff, with the S.T.AR.S. logo on it. "Alright, same thing, make fire, find food…blah…blah…blah. And don't forget the flag thing. Now, off you go." Chris shrugs and the S.T.A.R.S. Tribe heads off toward their new home. "Alrighty then, time for some fun!" Wesker skips off camera…

__

Next Time On Survivor…

The first immunity challenge…

Alliances are made…

Alexia makes fire…

Billy finds the water hole…

Hilarity shall ensue…

A/N: Well I hope you have enjoyed the first chapter. Things I promise get more interesting, plus, I give you all the power to vote. At the first tribal council it will be up to you, who gets voted off. Until then, root for your favorite team and team member! Oh and don't forget to R&R!


	2. Day 1

****

Disclaimer: Don't own Resident Evil, Survivor, or G.I. Joe.

A/N Thank you for all the reviews!! And now let the madness continue…

At the Umbrella Camp

Our great tribe of underhanded, evil, and somewhat insane people stare at the equipment neatly lined up on the ground. There are two spears, some rope, a large canvas, some paint for their flag, a small piece of cloth also for their flag, three large pots, a machete, and a book on the local wildlife. Nicholai and Hunk examine the spears, while everyone else argues over who is going to be the leader.

"I do believe that it should be me, as I have the required intelligence to shoulder such responsibility." Birkin says, looking somewhat smug.

"Keep on dreaming. Only my beautiful sister should have the honor of being the leader." Alfred smiles, trying to look evil, but the bikini is running the whole effect.

"Whatever. Neither one of you is going to win the million dollars, you're just not sneaky enough." Ada brushes the hair out of her face, eyeing Annette.

"starrrrsss…." Nemesis says, staring around the group.

"I'm afraid your lack of a vocabulary is going to unconvinced you." Annette pats Nemmy on the back, then glares at Ada.

"Why don't we make a contest out of it?" Marcus smoothes out his dress. "That way, it's fair."

"Alright then. Hunk you think of contest, since you'd be unbiased." Ada says, returning Annette's glare. Hunk turns away from the spears, looking rather uninterested.

"Fine, the first one to make a fire is the leader, happy?"

"That will do very nicely. First of all, we'll need several…"

But William is cut short, as Alexia suddenly mutates, and catches a nearby log on fire. She turns back to William, looking smug. William is at a loose for words.

"Top that scientist boy."

At the S.T.A.R.S. Camp

Our other team, which is comprised of goody goodies and a few hero stereotypes, also stare at their equipment laid before them. They have the exact same stuff as the Umbrella Tribe, and it doesn't take them long to start working together in happy happy joy joy bliss. 

"Alright then. Billy, see if you can get us some water. Claire, you and Jill work on the flag. Leon, Carlos, Brad and I will start work on the shelter. Rebecca, Yoko, and Alyssa will go fishing." Chris clapped his hands, signally everyone to get moving and headed into the trees, with the machete, dragging poor Brad along behind him. Leon and Carlos shrugged, but quickly followed their "fearless" leader. Billy groaned, grabbed one of the pots, and headed into the woods a few yards away from where Chris and the others had entered.

"_Alright then. Billy, see if you can get us some water._" Billy says, imitating Chris very well. In fact, it's downright eerie. "I'll get the damn water, you overgrown G.I. Joe." A great many more mumblings and even a few curses are heard, as Billy trudges through the trees and undergrowth.

__

Meanwhile…

"I think it should definitely have the S.T.A.R.S. logo on it." Jill is kneeling in front of the flag cloth, with a yellow paint brush in her hand. Claire shakes her head.

"But Jill, our buffs already have the S.T.A.R.S. logo on it. Putting it on the flag would be overkill."

"What are you an art critic now?" Jill smears a little yellow paint on the flag, which comes out kinda looking like a star.

"Jill, that really sucks."

"Shut up!"

Back at the Umbrella Camp

"Wow Nemmy, that looks really good." Annette is looking over Nemmey's shoulder, at the tribe's flag.

"starrrrsss!" Nemmy smiles, adding a few finishing touches to the flag.

At about that moment, William and Marcus come stumbling back to camp, covered in dirt, and carrying one of the pots.

"Did you get the water?" Alexia is lounging under a nearby palm tree, while her brother waves a palm leaf over her face.

"Yes, but we lost Ada somewhere along the way.", Marcus says, brushing dirt off of his dress.

"I still don't see why Nicholai and Hunk couldn't have gone to get the water!" William is extremely perturbed about the whole situation. He knows, that if he'd just injected himself with the G-Virus before coming here, that little &$*%* wouldn't be in charge right now.

"Because they have to build the shelter." Alexia flips a hand behind her, motioning towards our two U.B.C.S. agents, who are doing quite a fine job of building what appears to be a tree house. 

"I found Ada. She was flirting with some guy down at the water hole." Morpheus steps out of the tree line, carrying Ada under one arm, and a bunch of bananas under the other. "Hell, it wasn't even our whether hole."

"Just what were you doing?!", Annette yells, stomping over toward Ada.

"What I do best, spying." Morpheus sets Ada on the ground. She smiles at Annette, and wanders off toward Nemmy.

On the Beach

Wesker steps into view of the camera, looking…well…er….bad. He's got quite a hangover, and he is none too thrilled with the outfit the producers of the show, insisted he wear. Brown khaki shorts, a white tank top, and brown sandals. He is so not happy at this point.

"Alright, our contestants should be getting here soon, for the first immunity challenge." 

As if cued, both tribes walk out onto the beach. Nemmy is carrying Umbrella's flag, which has the picture of a large white and red Umbrella on it, with the earth centered over it. Jill is carrying the S.T.A.R.S. flag, which is covered with splotches of yellow paint, and has a red and white umbrella on it, with a big red X over it. 

"Oh yes, very original there Valentine. Anyway, this is the part of the show, where I ask you guys how everything is going. Umbrella Tribe, how's the island?"

"Oh simply wonderful." Alexia croons, smiling brightly. "We have a fire and everything."

"Just peachy." Wesker looks board out of his mind. He turns to the S.T.A.R.S. tribe. "How about you guys."

"Just great, we've got a house and Yoko started the fire." Chris is just all happy and excited over the progress they've made. He doesn't notice Billy shoving a finger down his throat, and making gagging noises.

"Whoopee for you. Now your first immunity challenge. The winners will return to camp, safe in the knowledge that no one on their tribe is getting voted off.. The losers will go to tribal council, and some poor idiot is going to have the honor of being the first person voted off of survivor. This ladies and gentlemen, is what makes my job so much fun." Wesker then proceeds to start laughing evilly. After a few minutes, he gains control of himself, and points towards a large platform set about 50 yards out form the beach. "Alright, all you have to do, is swim out there, grab one of the flags, and bring it back to the beach. The first team, to return with three flags is the winner."

"What's the catch?" Chris looks suspicious, and with good reason.

"Why would there be a catch?", Wesker asks, trying to look innocent.

"Because you're a treacherous bastard, who enjoys torturing others." Marcus says.

"Well the lagoon has been filled with alligators, sharks, crocodiles and a few piranha we imported from South America. Other than that, no big deal." Wesker looks at all the surprised and nervous faces with a sense of evil mirth. Later, when he goes home, he'll spend the rest of the night watching this part of the show over and over. "Now if there are no more questions…GO!!"

And in a silence you could cut with a knife twenty people…just stand on the beach, refusing to take another step. 

"Alright then. If you're not gonna go in, I'll unleash my ultimate bio-weapon against you." And from off screen, a gagged Sherry Birkin is shoved into camera range. "Move, or I take off the gag!"

There are several screams of panic, as twenty fully grown men, women, and bio-engineered killing machines dive into the water.

"See, all it takes is a little motivation." Wesker smiles evilly, and shoves Sherry back off camera. He's saving her for a later challenge anyway. So he stands there, waiting to see who survives, he amuses himself by listening to the various screaming.

"AHHHHH!!!"

"THERE'S SOMETHING ON MY FOOT!!"

"OH THE HUMANTIY!!"

"STARRRSSSS!!!"

"OH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY!!"

Finally, the tribe members clamor back to shore. The first one back is a rather ravaged looking Annette. She throws the flag at Wesker and promptly passes out from blood loss. Nemesis emerges from the water next, carrying the flag, and a dead great white shark. 

"That's two for the Umbrella Tribe." Wesker says, rather disappointed that the screaming has stopped.

Brad crawls onto shore, clutching a flag in his left hand, a large crocodile latched onto his leg. Claire is right behind him, trying to pull the flag out of the mouth of an alligator.

"Wow, the teams are tied."

Finally, Chris stumbles onto shore with a flag in his hand, and a pirahna hanging off of his ear.

"Damn, looks like the S.T.A.R.S. Team wins. Alright then, collect your missing tribe mates and head back to camp. Umbrella tribe, I'll see you at tribal council."

"Aren't we supposed to get our immunity dohikie thing?" Billy asks, crawling onto the beach.

"Oh ya. Now where did that stupid statue thing go?" Wesker looks around, trying to figure out where the immunity totem has gone. A few seconds later an assistant rushes into camera view, and mumbles a few words in his ear. He doesn't look happy, but nods. The assistant rushes back off screen. "It seems they lost the totem thing, and I am supposed to give you my sunglasses. Apparently it's in the contract I signed." He grumbles a bit, but whips off his shades and hands them to Claire. 

It takes several hours for the two tribes to retrieve there tribe mates from the float, but they somehow mange to pull it off. The Umbrella team heads back to camp, already contemplating the tribal council. The S.T.A.R.S. team also heads back to camp, hoping Rebecca wakes up soon so she can treat everyone's injuries.

****

Next time on Survivor… 

Who will get voted off?

A/N Alrighty then, the next chapter will be the tribal council. Who on the Umbrella team should get booted off the island? Remember, it's your call. So keep those reviews coming, and cast your votes!!

~W.C.~


	3. The First Tribal Council

DISCLAIMER: Don't own RE, Survivor, or The Weakest Link. There, that ought to keep the lawyers happy.

A/N: I want to thank everyone for the reviews, and casting their votes for the first tribe member voted off. Now, here's the tricky part. Out of all the reviews, no one voted for the same person twice. So in the interest of fair play, I threw all the names that were nominated in the reviews, into a hat. And so without further ado, I present Chapter 3...

At the Umbrella Camp

Everyone is extremely nervous about the tribal council. Nemesis, Hunk, and Nicholai were busy cooking the shark, Nemesis had drug back. Alfred and Alexia were whispering to themselves, and glancing at William. Annette was whispering with William and glaring at Ada. Ada was busy flirting with Marcus, and Morpheus was gathering firewood. All of them were, in one way or another, plotting the immanent departure of someone in the tribe.

"Alfred, my sweet little brother, I do believe that we should vote for Morpheus.", she said, filing away at her nails.

"Ah…why oh sweet sister of mine?"

"Because there is only room on this island for one twisted yet incredibly beautiful scientist/mutated creature. And I'm prettier."

"Well, ah…can I suggest William, cause well, he's a dick."

Then like it always does, the camera mysteriously corners one of the tribe members, to get there thoughts on the situation thus far. The first one they corner, is Ada.

"Well all I can say is that William or Annette have to go. I mean you get rid of one and it breaks their resolve. I'm pretty sure I have Marcus on my side, and Hunk. Nicholai is only a matter of time."

The camera then switches to Hunk. He looks pretty board, and extremely uninterested in what is going on.

"I say that chick Alexia needs to go. And the wimp William. Ada is ok, at least for now, she will serve my purposes."

The camera then switches back to passive mode, observing our contestants as they try to build lasting alliances. In other words, B.S. their way through the next few hours and try not to be the ones getting voted off. Alfred has moved off, to converse with Marcus and Morpheus. Alexia is busy using her feminine whiles on Nemesis. Hunk, and William are having a heated debate over the running of Umbrella. Ada and Nicholai appear to be having a worthwhile conversation about the local plant life. Which leaves Annette to implement her own plan. 

"Ada, we need to talk." Annette sits down next to Nicholai, smoothing out her lab coat.

"About what?" Ada asks, a wee bit shocked by this development. "If it's about _not _voting for your idiot of a husband, you better save your breath."

"Actually, it is about William. But in all honesty, I was kinda hoping you would vote him off." Annette smiles, as Nicholai and Ada sit in stunned silence. Nicholai recovers first.

"Ok, I was kinda under the impression, that you wouldn't want him voted off. I mean he is your husband after all."

"He's a twit, who cares more about his precious G-Virus, than me. Personally, I'd like to cap him myself, but it would look bad on my work record. So how about it Ada, ready to boot one ill mannered retard off the island?"

At the Tribal Council Area

Wesker stands in front of the well placed logs, or whatever the tribe is supposed to sit on, gently tapping his foot. He checks his watch for the tenth time, noting that the tribe is ten minutes late. Which isn't helping his mood any. He's still ticked about his wardrobe, and lack of sunglasses. Apparently his contract also states, he can't wear his sunglasses during the tribal council, because it's night. I mean who comes up with these stupid rules anyway. Did the idiot who wrote the contract not read his personnel file, which clearly states: _Evil virus-enhanced human, with a perpetual need to wear black, and torture small animals, or stereotypical hero characters. Must look badass at all times, therefore required to wear sunglasses even if it's pitch black outside._ Wesker sighed, as the Umbrella tribe finally clamored for there seats. He was mildly amused, when William managed to singe Annette's hair with his torch. After five minutes, they had assumed there seats. He cleared his throat, throwing them one of his not-so-evil smiles.

"Alright, first tribal council. Before we vote, I have to ask several questions, where each of you will give vague answers, in hopes that your tribe mates won't discover what a bunch of lying, cheating, bastards, you all are." Throws out another of those unnerving not-so-evil smiles, before continuing with the contestants torture. "First, how is everyone getting along?"

"Oh…ah…just great!" Annette gives a strained smile, and tries not to make eye contact with William.

"Oh yes, this first tribal council, was sooo difficult." As good an actress as Ada is, the sarcasm is really easy to pick up on.

"I really thought it was difficult, as we've only been on the island for a day. I mean it was kinda hard to decide just who was the biggest idiot yet." Morpheus says, twirling a finger in his hair.

"Speaking of idiots, what are your opinions on the S.T.A.R.S. tribe?" This time Wesker's smile, is genuinely happy. Mostly due to the fact, that he is imagining what tortures he can inflict on Chris, through the course of this stupid show.

"Well we really didn't get to see that much of them, but that Carlos fellow isn't such a bad guy." Marcus says, smiling.

"Most of them are idiots, with the exception of Billy, who could be properly evil given a bit of training." It's the first real comment Hunk has made thus far.

"starrrrsss…" Nemmy looks rather pissed, but that's pretty normal…I think.

"Carlos is a traitor, Redfield is an idiot with bad hair, umm…that Yoko girl isn't too bad." Nicholai says.

"Alright, enough chit chat, time to vote. Annette your first." Wesker yawns, as Annette walks over to the ballot pot thing. She quickly scribbles out a name, and holds the paper up.

"I'm sorry William, but you are a total moron." She folds the paper in half and stuffs it into the pot. She starts to walk away, but turns back to the camera. "By the way, I want a divorce."

William is next. Hw scribbles out a name, and holds up the card. "Hunk, I still haven't forgiven you for leading that biohazard team, and stealing my research."

William sits down, and it's Nemesis turn. He scribbles out a name, and holds up a card with Ada's name neatly printed on it. "starrrrsss…starrrrsss…"

Morpheus is up next. "Alfred, luv, you are simply too strange even for me to deal with and I'm a freaking female tyrant. Hope you have fun as a drag queen though, maybe you can make a career out of it or something."

Slowly, each tribe member walks over to the ballot thing, writes a name, makes a rude comment, stuffs the ballot in the pot, and goes back to their seat. Finally everyone has voted. Wesker then walks over and gets the pot.

"Alright, as soon as the member's name is read off that is being thrown out, that tribe member will bring me their torch, and leave the council area. I warn you no begging or I will be forced to beat the hell out of you." Wesker stops for a moment, as an evil smile spreads across his face. "On second thought, by all means beg, I haven't hit anything for a few hours. Anyway…" Pulls out the first card, and shows it. "Ada"

Ada glares around, her eyes finally falling on Annette. Annette shakes her head, making subtle pointing gestures toward William, indicating that's who she voted for. Wesker pulls out the second name.

"Alfred" Then mumbles to himself. "Please God let him have been voted off, so I don't have to see him in any more women's attire."

Alfred breaks down crying. Alexia attempts to console him, all the while glaring at various tribe members. Wesker pulls out the third name. 

"Hunk"

And true to his cool demeanor, he does nothing but sit on his little log, with him arms crossed looking tough. Wesker appears to be getting slightly frustrated at this point. He pulls out a fourth card, and opens it.

"William. Can't you people have even voted for the same person twice!!" Takes a few deep breaths, and pulls out a fifth card. "William. That's two for William." Pulls a sixth card "William" …seventh… "William"…eighth…"William"…ninth…"William"…and tenth…"William you are the first person to be voted off of Survivor. Please bring me your torch."

William stands up, attempting to keep his composure, and picks up his torch. He walks over to Wesker. Wesker puts out the fire, and smiles one of his "I'm the antichrist" smiles. "The tribe has spoken…YOU are the weakest link…goodbye."

William starts down the little ramp, but suddenly spins around, dropping one of his bags. "VOTE ME OFF WILL YOU!!! Just you wait, my precious G-Virus will get you all!! MWAHAHHAHA!!!"

Wesker lifts one eyebrow, but the badass effect is nullified by the lack of sunglasses, and smacks William up side head. And William goes airborne over the railing. A loud crash is heard a few seconds later, along with the sound of snapping twigs, and high pitched screams of pain. Wesker cracks his knuckles and turns back to the tribe.

"Alrighty then the rest of you, collect your torches and head back to camp."

The reaming tribe members evacuate the area in under two seconds. 

Next Time on Survivor…

A surprise alliance is born…

An accident at camp…

Yet another demeaning immunity challenge…

A/N: I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. You should have notice that everyone who got nominated in the reviews, at least got one vote at tribal council. Congratulations to esoteric1! He chose for our young scientist fellow to be voted off, and thanks to the luck of the draw…well, he was. Anyway, do not fear, another tribal council is coming up soon, and you'll get yet another chance to vote off someone. So keep those reviews coming, and I'll keep writing away!!

W.C.


	4. Day 4

DISCLAIMER: Don't own Resident Evil, Peter Pan, or Sailor Moon.

* * *

At the Umbrella Camp…

Despite the fact that one of their tribe mates has been voted off, the mood at camp is downright jolly. In fact Annette has spent the last ten minutes hitting on Hunk, of all people. To which Hunk has no reply, and seems to be genuinely worried for the first time since coming to the island. Alexia is over by Nemesis laughing and complimenting him on the shark he brought back. To his credit, Nemesis is resisting her feminine charms. Ada is busy cementing her alliance with Nicholai in the bushes. Morpheus, Marcus, and Alfred are discussing the latest fashions. All in all it seems no one is missing the good doctor…

Day 4

At the S.T.A.R.S. Camp

Chris had everyone up at the crack of dawn, to go fishing, firewood gathering, and water fetching. There were many grumbles and whispered obscenities directed toward him because of this. And so, during a brief respite, the camera corners Claire on the beach

"Well, as much as I love my brother, this is getting ridicules. I mean really, he's running this camp like a freaking Umbrella installation." She brushes a piece of hair out of her face and rolls her eyes. "Something has to be done."

The camera next corners Jill.

"Really this doesn't bother me, I'm used to having Chris wander around like a puffed up rooster."

The camera then finds Billy near the tree line, sharpening a spear.

"I am so close to actually helping Wesker kill Chris. You would not believe how close."

Finally after bothering several more tribe mates the camera returns to passive mode. And I must say, it picks up a rather interesting little scene. Claire has returned from the beach, and has cornered Billy in a stand of palm trees.

"Alright, here's the deal you help me get rid of Chris and I make sure you make it into the last four." Claire brushes anther piece of hair out of her face.

"Wait a minute, he's your brother, why the hell do you want him off the island?" Billy is slightly confused, and majorly suspicious.

"Because he's a freaking nuisance. _Go get water, go get firewood._ Yea I understand we have to do this stuff, but damn he's annoying."

"Alright then." Billy nods solemnly. "It's a deal."

The camera then picks up another interesting scene. Leon is laying face down in the sand, by the fire. Brad stands over him holding a load of firewood, and looking very guilty.

"What happened?" Rebecca runs over to Leon, and gently rolls him over. He's unconscious, but still breathing.

"I…ah…accidentally hit him with the load of firewood. He asked me something and I turned around to answer him, and sorta hit him in the head."

At the Beach

Wesker is still in his new wardrobe, and fuming over the lose of his sunglasses. However his mood is kinda happy, since it's once again time for an immunity challenge. The two tribes march onto the beach. Despite the loss of a tribe member the Umbrella tribe seems happy. The S.T.A.R.S. tribe, on the other hand, look ready to kill something. Leon keeps glaring at Brad with his new black eye. Billy and Claire are whispering among themselves, and glancing a Chris. It seems out of all of them only Chris is enjoying the situation.

"Alright, Umbrella Tribe how are things going at camp?"

"Very well actually." Annette sinkers. "A vast improvement over the other day."

"Greeeaaat." Wesker shakes his head, depressed by how much fun the Umbrella Tribe appears to be having. "How about you guys?"

"This island sucks." Leon says sulkily.

"Can I go home now?" Brad whimpers.

"No." Wesker than points out a large tent set up in the middle of the beach. "Your next immunity challenge is an endurance challenge. All you have to do is listen to Sherry and Steve talk. But just to make things fair, one of the S.T.A.R.S. tribe has to sit this immunity challenge out."

There is a brief scuffle, at the end of which Billy stands the winner. He plops down on the beach happy in the knowledge that he won't suffer from annoying high pitched voices. The rest of the tribe shudder . Wesker smiles at this reaction in true evil form.

"The last person able to listen to their insanely high voices wins the immunity for their tribe. Now if you will hand over the immunity totem." Wesker holds out his hand, and Claire gives him the sunglasses. He seems relived to have them back, and quickly slips them on. "Alright then, everyone in."

The two tribes enter the tent, no one looks pleased. Wesker pulls up nearby lawn chair, and sits down. He figures the first person will come running out in no less than 2 minutes.

2 minutes

Hunk comes staggering out of the tent, holding his head. "For the love of God, give me hunters any day!"

Wesker snickers and takes a swig of his beer, he's rather enjoying this. Billy too seems to be enjoying the spectacle.

10 minutes

Yoko and Alyssa stagger out of the tent, looking shell shocked.

15 minutes

Alfred walks out of the tent, eyes wide and glazed over. "I never knew there were people more annoying than me." He than passes out.

20 minutes

Nicholai and Carlos come running out of the tent, hands firmly planted over their ears. They then stagger around for a few seconds before passing out near Alfred.

30 minutes

Leon emerges from the tent, a lopsided grin on his face. "Tinkerbell!!" He then proceeds to flutter and flit like an idiot.

Wesker and Billy both inch away from this display.

45 minutes

Alexia emerges from the tent in her mutated from, along with a badly singed Annette. They look at each other and break down in heart wrenching sobs.

1 hour

Brad comes running out of the tent, rushes past Wesker and Billy, and buries his head in the sand.

1 hour 15 minutes

Jill and Rebecca emerge from the tent at the same time.

"Ok, no one can ever complain about my annoyiness again." Rebecca sobs.

"Yea." Jill rubs at her head.

1 hour 20 minutes

Morpheus staggers out of the tent, dragging an unconscious Marcus with him. "It was truly horrible, worse even than Bruce's bad southern accent!" He promptly faints falling on top of Alfred.

Wesker and Billy are now sharing a beer, and laughing their asses off.

1 hour 30 minutes

Ada staggers out of the tent, supporting a thoroughly exhausted Claire.

"I thought I could handle it, I mean after Raccoon…" Claire trails off, her head falling limply to Ada's shoulder.

"It's alright dear. I thought the same thing."

"Guess that leaves Nemesis and Chris." Wesker is so enjoying the mere thought of the pain and suffering Chris must be going through. Billy secretly shares this sentiment.

2 hours

Chris comes skipping out of the tent. "I AM SAILOR MOON!!"

Wesker, Billy, any other survivors cover their eyes as Chris dons a Sailor Moon costume and skips off through the trees.

"Ok, that was worse than Alfred's bikini." Billy shudders, knowing he has to go back to camp with that thing.

"I guess that leaves Nemesis the winner." Wesker pushes himself out of the chair, as Nemmy emerges from the tent, looking no worse off then when he went in. No one has realized yet the Nemmy can't hear high pitched sounds, and so didn't hear a word that Steve and Sherry said. Wesker hand over his glasses to Nemmy.

"Alright, S.T.A.R.S. I'll see you at tribal council." He then moves off screen hoping to avoid Chris and his sailor moon costume.

Next Time on Survivor…

Who will be voted off?

* * *

A/N: Alright, it's that time again. Who do you wanna see leave the S.T.AR.S. Tribe? Time to cast your vote!

W.C.


	5. Tribal Council 2

DISCLAIMER: Still don't own Resident Evil, Survivor, or Sailor Moon.

A/N: The votes have been cast…

* * *

At the S.T.A.R.S CAMP

The effects of listening to our two high pitched minions of Wesker, seems to be wearing off. Leon isn't flitting about anymore, although Chris does have this urge to run around with a stick and scream _MOON PRISM POWER MAKE-UP! _Most everyone is trying to stay as far away from him as possible.

"This could be our chance, Claire." Billy glances towards Chris. "But, we're gonna need some help."

"Alright, you work on the boys I'll take care of the girls."

Billy and Claire move off, to spread the word about Chris. In the meantime our camera operator manages to corner several tribe members.

"I'm not sure who to vote for." Leon shrugs. "I mean Chris is really annoying, but Brad really wants off the island."

"Well Chris really isn't so bad." Yoko looks around, then leans in toward the camera. "That Leon fellow though, I'd kinda like to see him leave."

"I wonder if I can vote for myself?" Brad then wanders off to see if he can find anyone that would vote him off.

The camera then returns to passive mode, a picks up on a nice little scene of Jill and Chris.

"I don't know Chris, Leon isn't such a bad guy." Jill has already been cornered by Claire, and is currently lying her ass off in hopes that Chris won't find out she's going to vote for him.

"But I saw him staring at your butt." Chris is now getting all riled up.

"Why would he be staring at my butt? It's your sister he's getting jiggy with."

Chris' face turned a bright shade of scarlet. Jill put one hand over her mouth, looking scared.

"Opps."

The Tribal Council

Wesker was overjoyed to see the S.T.A.R.S. tribe make their way to the tribal council area. This was perhaps the best part of his job, not to mention he adored torturing "good guys" whenever possible. The S.T.A.R.S. Tribe quickly took their seats.

"Well now, how is everyone getting along?" Wesker smiles, already seeing the angst crossing the faces of the survivors.

"Oh just peachy." Billy's sarcasm, does not go unnoticed.

"Well I think we got off to a rocky start, but things seem to be going well." It's the first thing Alyssa's had to say since coming to the island. Secretly, she belives the authoress has forgotten about her.

"Well then, it's time to vote. Billy, you're up first."

Billy walks over to the pot, and quickly scribbles out a name. He then holds up the card.

"Chris you're and idiot. Plus you have bad hair."

Jill is next. She scribbles out a name, and holds up the card.

"Chris, if you were stuck in a desert and the vultures were tearing you apart, and I had one bucket of water left, I would not give it to you."

Chris is next. He scribbles out a name and holds up the card.

"Leon, if you touch my sister, I swear I'll [beep] and [beep]."

Brad is next. He scribbles out a name, and holds up the card.

"I just wanna go home."

Soon everyone has written down a name, and dropped it into the pot. Wesker than smiles, his cruel evil smile, and collects the pot.

"Once the name has been read that person will bring me their torch, and leave the council area." Wesker than reaches into the pot and pulls out the first card. "Brad"…the second card…"Leon"…"Chris"…"Chris"…"Chris"…"Chris"…"Chris"…"Chris"…"Chris"…"Chris"

Chris stares dumfounded. He knows he voted for Leon, and that Brad must have voted for himself. Which could only mean…

"Jill, my little cupcake, why?!"

Jill groans, shaking her head. "Chris, just go."

"But my little snookers!"

"WILL YOU STOP WITH THE REDICIULAS NAMES??!!" Jill scrambles to her feet, breathing heavily. "I'm sick and tired of you calling me that!!"

Wesker puts out Chris' torch, then grabs him by the back of the shirt. "Time to go Mr. Redfield."

Chris then goes flying over the railing into a stand of trees, in fact, he doesn't land too far away from Dr. Birkin. Apparently, the crew of the show hasn't gotten around to pulling him out yet. Wesker then turns back to the S.T.A.R.S. team.

"Alright then, head back to camp."

The S.T.A.R.S. team wastes no time running for their lives.

**Next Time on Survivor...**

Romance is in the air...

Yet another immunity challenge...

A not so surprising allience...

* * *

A/N: Well I hope you enjoyed. It really surprised me that Chris got like three votes to be voted off the island. Anyway stay tuned for the next chapter!


	6. Day 5

DISCLAIMER: Don't own Resident Evil.

* * *

At the S.T.A.R.S. CampEveryone trudges back to camp. Though a bit surprised by Chris' outburst, no one is surprised by Wesker's handling of the situation. 

"I wonder what kind of horrible immunity challenge we're gonna be put through tomorrow?" Yoko asks, while trying to cook a fish.

"Who knows, with that twisted %& running the show." Carlos proceeds to help her.

"I'm going to bed." Leon wanders over to his tent. He is shortly joined by Claire.

"Boy, that didn't take long." Jill sighs. "That's one alliance that isn't very surprising."

Umbrella Camp

The Next morning…

Alexia stretches slightly, and looks around. Everyone except Nemesis is asleep. She saunters over.

"What ya up to?"

Nemesis holds up what appears to be a large bottle-nose dolphin, and points toward the fire.

"starrrrsss…"

"Oh yummy!" She then proceeds to giggle like a blonde bimbo. Incredibly, Nemesis finds this attractive…

On the Beach

Wesker taps his foot lightly, already grinning at the thought of the Immunity challenge to come. He rubs his hands together, anticipating the mayhem and carnage to come. Though he is slightly depressed that Chris got booted off the island. Now he has to find a new sickingly stoic hero figure to torture. At the moment he was leaning toward Leon or Carlos. Billy had a bit to much evilness to him, to be properly stoic. Brad was a complete and total wuss, which would make torturing him no fun at all. He was inventing various new tortures to try on Leon and/or Carlos, when the two tribes walked onto the beach.

"Good morning everyone!" Wesker once more tried to be chipper and perky, despite the fact that he was failing miserably at it.

The Umbrella tribe looked to be in good spirits, if somewhat confused by the S.T.A.R.S. team lack of Chris. Alexia was the first to voice her opinion.

"Wow, they got rid of Redfield." she whispered to Nemesis, whose arm she was currently hanging off of.

"I figured they'd have booted Brad off." Marcus commented.

"Maybe they want him around for comic relief." Nicholai shrugged as the rest of his tribe mates stared at him.

"Alrighty then." Wesker clapped his hands, getting everyone's attention. "Time for another lovely immunity challenge!"

There was a universal groan, followed by several whispered obscenities, and a loud whimper from Brad. Despite his earlier thoughts, Wesker did indeed enjoy the small wounded animal sounds Brad was making. Finally, after relishing in the horror of our contestants, Wesker unveiled the next immunity challenge.

"This next challenge is quite easy. In fact it's like rounding up chickens!" Wesker motions toward a large cage at one end of the beach. "All you have to I herd the little buggers down to the corrals." He pointed toward two corrals at the other end of the beach. "First team to herd in two, wins! By the way, hand over the immunity totem."

Nemesis handed Wesker his sunglasses, which looked to be a bit bent and the lenses were slightly scratched. Wesker growled, but decided against violence. Mostly because he thought Nemesis capable of kicking his ass. Instead he walked over to the cage and pulled of the tarp. Inside were 18 mindless, hungry, and somewhat rotted zombies.

"Those are not chickens!!" Jill screamed.

"Indeed they are not. They are zombies. A couple rules. The zombies must be alive when they reach the corral, and have all their body parts intact." Wesker grinned evilly, and flipped open the door. "Have fun!!"

Every tribe member looked at each other. Each one of them were thinking the same thing…_How badly do we really want that immunity?_ Then the idea of a million dollars floated over their minds, and they went to work.

Jill picked up a nearby stick, and them proceeded to prod a small female zombie toward the corral.

"Nemesis, you're out." Wesker said from his lawn chair. "Breaking your zombie in half was not part of the game."

Nemesis trudged off the beach and sat down next to a palm tree, looking a bit saddened. Meanwhile, Billy and Leon were trying to work together to bait their respective zombies into the corral. However the zombies seemed more interested in eating each other.

"Them are some &% up zombies" Billy said, trying to entice his zombie to chase him.

"Tell me about it." Leon then proceeded to grab his zombie by the arm, which promptly broke off in his hand. "Ah hell…"

Hunk was standing a few feet away, holding a zombie's head, and trying to figure out how his plan could have gone so horribly wrong. Brad was running in circles and screaming, while being chased by his zombie. Somehow Alexia managed to corral one of her zombies, without doing too much damage too it. Somehow, Rebecca too had corralled a zombie.

"One each." Wesker snickered as Carlos ran by, beating his zombie in the head with a large stick. "Yoko, Alyssa, you're both out. You are not allowed to bury your zombies."

Yoko and Alyssa joined Nemesis, Leon, and Hunk on the sidelines. In the mean time Ada was standing near the water's edge, trying to figure out how her zombie had drowned. Claire was having her own problems, having been chased up a tree by her zombie.

"Well at least I wasn't the only one." Annette said, from her own tree.

"This is really embarrassing." Claire sighed.

Alfred was doing quite well with his zombie, until he got run over by Brad.

"AHHHH!! It's trying to eat me!!" Alfred tries to kick the zombie off, as Brad continues to run around.

Nicholai and Marcus were having problems of their own. Somehow a few of Marcus' leeches had gotten loose and were now chowing down on the zombies.

"Marcus!! This is all your fault!!" Nicholai tried desperately to pull several of the leeches off.

"Oh dear. Um…now babies don't eat the nice zombies." Marcus then proceeds to break into some kind of melodramatic opera to quiet the leeches down. It isn't working.

"Oh well, the game is over. Team Umbrella wins." Wesker stood up, and handed Morpheus the sunglasses. His zombie was still intact, thanks to several rolls of duct tape. "S.T.A.R.S. see again at tribal council"

The S.T.A.R.S. team groans, but quickly regroups and heads back to camp. The Umbrella tribe skips merrily away.

Next Time on Survivor….

Who will be voted off?

* * *

Meanwhile, in the nearby treeline, we find our former contestants having a bit of a problem. Appearently, the show's executives decided it might be fun to simply leave them out there.

"Um…somebody…there's a zombie trying to eat my foot!" Chris and Birkin both huddle together as several stray zombies try to eat them.

"I hate this show." Birkin mumbled.

* * *

A/N: I hope you enjoyed. It's that time again. Who on the S.T.A.R.S. Team has to go?

W.C.


	7. Tribal Council 3

DISCLAIMER: Don't own Resident Evil, or Survivor.

A/N: The votes are in…

* * *

* * *

S.T.AR.S. Camp

You could cut the tension with a knife. Claire and Billy have moved off by themselves to discuss their plans. Leon is over by Carlos, hoping to form an Alliance. Alyssa and Yoko are attempting to stick together. Mostly because they have been ignored through most of their fan fic, and hopes that holds out.

"Billy, we need to get rid of Leon." Claire glances around, hoping no one is listening.

"Damn girl, you are one cold hearted woman. First your brother now your main squeeze?"

"Leon is cute and all, but waaaay too naive."

The camera then corners several tribe members. I mean really it should be obvious that was what it was gonna do. The first one they find is Rebecca.

"I'm just not sure how this vote is going to go. I suppose Brad will probably vote for himself. I seriously suspect that Claire is plotting to get rid of Leon. I mean after what she did to Chris, it's pretty obvious."

The camera then corners Alyssa.

"Well I suppose I'll have to vote for Leon, again. He's just annoying."

The camera finally finds Carlos.

"Well that Alyssa chick has to go, all she does is bitch all the time. That and she's pretty useless."

The camera returns to passive mode. Jill and Leon are in a heated conversation.

"She's gonna vote me off, I know it!" Leon looks quite worried, and with good reason.

"Why do you say that?" Jill already knows the answer to that. I mean she isn't blind, or stupid.

"Because she's a twisted little leprechaun! I mean she already stabbed her own brother in the back!!"

Several heads turn toward Leon as a result of this outburst. He promptly scuttles away, probably to cry or something.

Tribal Council

Wesker tapped his foot lightly as 9 ragged and somewhat depressed tribe members enter the tribal council area. He smiled evilly, he just loved this part of his job.

"Alright, how are things going?" Like he really gave a damn, but he had to ask it was in his contract.

"Oh just wonderful." Claire said brightly.

"Yea." Leon said, trying to sound chipper and failing.

"Do you think the decisions for who should be voted off is getting harder?" Wesker asked this with an evil gleam in his eye.

"Not really." Claire said, thinking.

Leon whimpered slightly at this news. Yoko and Alyssa looked at each other, looking depressed. Brad was praying that somehow someone would vote him off.

"Alright then, time to ruin the hope of some person on the island." Wesker pointed toward the infamous pot. "Off you go Claire."

She quickly scribbles down a name, and holds up the card. "Sorry Leon. I mean you're nice and all, but I really need Billy to help me win the million. Plus well you're not quite as evil as he is."

Jill is next. She scribbles out a name and holds up the card. "Um Carlos, I'm sorry, but ever since Chris left you've been hitting on me and it's getting on my nerves."

Rebecca next writes down a name. "Sorry Yoko, but you are kinda unimportant."

Carlos is next. "Well, Alyssa, you are pretty worthless."

In turn each tribe member writes down a name and puts it in the pot.

"Alright, I'll go tally the votes." Grabs the pot, smiling evilly. He then proceeds to pull out the cards. "Once the poor unfortunate is discovered they will bring me their torch." first card… "Leon." …second… "Carlos" …third… "Alyssa" …fourth… "Yoko"

Wesker is now slightly perturbed. It seems that the S.T.A.R.S. team is as indecisive as the Umbrella team.

Fifth… "Carlos"… sixth "Leon. That's two for Leon two for Carlos." seventh… "Leon" …eighth… "Leon" … ninth… "Leon"

Leon whimpers slightly and picks up his torch. Brad and Carlos look sympathetic, while Claire is trying not too look at him.

"Leon, time to go." Wesker says evilly.

He then grabs Leon by the shirt, and tosses him over the railing. There is a loud crashing sound, then some cursing which is followed by several whimpers and what sounds like fighting.

* * *

"It's you!!" Chris yelled, grabbing Leon by the throat.

"It's not my fault, she talked me into it!!" Leon gagged. Birkin merely sat by and watched.

* * *

"But Leon didn't do anything to warrant getting thrown over the railing." Rebecca said looking confused.

"New addition to the show." Wesker shrugged. "I'm evil, it's what I do."

The S.T.A.R.S Team then scurries off to the safety of their camp.

Next Time On Survivor…

Another evil immunity challenge…

Alliances shift…

* * *

* * *

A/N: I hope you have enjoyed. Leon is no longer on the island. Who will be next?


	8. Day 7 or so

DISCLAIMER: Don't own Resident Evil or Survivor or Corona.

A/N: Please note, the next immunity challenge is brought to you by Meg.

* * *

S.T.A.R.S. Camp

Our poor contestants return to camp, each one thinking very deeply about the tribal council. A total of three people have been eliminated, two from their camp. Each of them now realizes two things. One, they have to win the next immunity challenge. Two, Claire is a total and complete bitch.

And once more our intrepid camera man corners one of the contestants. This seems to happen a lot.

"Well, really there was no doubt in my mind that Leon would be gone." Alyssa shakes her head. "Though Claire turning on him like that, well that was just wrong."

Next it corners Claire…

"I'm sorry, but I need that million dollars, and I don't care how I get it!" She then stands up and leaves in a huff.

Returning to passive mode, we find Jill and Carlos having a discussion.

"Look Jill, I'm sorry for hitting on you all the time. But we need an alliance." Carlos looks around, then starts whispering. "Claire is a frigging psycho. I mean she already got rid of Chris and Leon!"

Jill ponders this for a moment then decides, she might as well take a chance.

"Very well."

The Next Morning…

Umbrella Camp

Alfred awakens early, and goes in search of Annette. He finds her getting water.

"Annette, I have a proposition for you." He looks around then hunkers down next to her. "I want an alliance with you."

Annette is shocked to say the least. "I thought you were with Alexia and Nemmy?"

"Nemmy…" he growls, actually sounding masculine for once. "He's leading my precious sister astray! She doesn't even pay attention to me anymore!! You have no alliances. If you want to survive, stick with me."

"Alright then Alfred, we have a deal." They shake hands, and head back to camp.

Unknown to them, Ada has overheard everything. She smiles then skips back to camp humming happily to herself.

On The Beach

Wesker is feeling particularly happy about this new immunity challenge. Although he is a bit depressed that he has lost both Chris and Leon. But he can still torture Carlos and that is indeed a good thing. Of course being a sadistic bastard in any way, shape, or form is always a good thing for our host.

He glances at his watch and finally smiles as the two tribes walk onto the beach. The S.T.AR.S. tribe, with the exception of Claire and Billy, looked depressed. The mere thought of the mental torture they must be going through sends Wesker into a fit of evil laughter.

"Rebecca have you been giving him drugs again?" Claire asks, turning to the S.T.A.R.S. medic.

"No way, not after what happened last time." Rebecca shakes her head.

"I think he's just being his normal evil self." Jill commented, giving her ex-boss a rather harsh look.

On the other side of the beach the Umbrella Tribe is voicing its own opinion of the condition of the host.

"I used to think Alfred was strange, but Wesker proved me wrong." Marcus says, eying Wesker closely.

"Imagine _you_ thinking Alfred is strange." Hunk rolls his eyes. "That's like the pot calling the kettle black."

Perhaps sensing that the two tribes and the viewing audience were staring at him, Wesker quickly got control of himself and cleared his throat.

"Now then time for yet another immunity challenge!" He smiles, holding his hand out for the sunglasses which Morpheus hands him.

"Don't' you mean yet another chance for you to maim, mangle, or perhaps even kill us?!" Carlos yelled.

"Don't forget that it's all legal, and there is nothing you guys can do in retaliation."

There were several grumbles and at least one whispered comment about hiring a hit man, but no one came forward to disagree.

"So what is it this time, Chimera wrestling?" Morpheus asked, looking rather pissed and board at the same time.

"No, but that is a good idea."

Wesker quickly jotted down a few notes while Morpheus was beaten repeatedly by several of his tribe mates. After reducing him to a pile of unconscious-bleeding-female-tyrant-psychopath, the tribe seemed to feel a bit better. Wesker looked over the carnage and smiled. Mindless violence was a great thing, even if he wasn't he one performing it.

"Well than since Morpheus is currently unconscious, and more than likely close to death, he doesn't have to participate in the following exercise. Follow me."

Wesker lead his victims down the beach stopping them in front of eight palm trees. He gestured to the trees and smiled evilly. Several of the S.T.A.R.S. Team shuddered at the expression, and Brad went so far as to actually faint.

"Now then, in the trees above you will find a basket. Inside the basket are two cute little puppies. You will be split up into partners. One partner will climb the tree and drop the puppies to the partner on the ground. The partner on the ground has to catch the puppies and take them to the baskets over there."

Wesker points to eight baskets roughly ten yards away from the base of the palm trees.

"The first tribe to two sets of puppies, a total of four puppies, to the baskets win. That means that two sets of partners have to get all their puppies to the baskets. Is that understood?"

There are several nods of agreement. Wesker smiles again, more evilly than the first time. Brad breaks down crying.

"Just to make things interesting, you will be choosing your partners out of this jar."

Wesker holds up a jar, very similar to the infamous voting jar, except this one says _Wesker for Supreme World Leader_ on the side. There are several strange and utterly confused looks running across the faces of our contestants at the sight of this message.

"Now, you will come up one at a time in the following order. Jill, Rebecca, Claire, Alyssa."

Each of the tribe members trudge up to the jar, like condemned prisoners, grab a slip of paper and head back to the rest of their tribe mates. Wesker then drops four new slips of paper into the jar, and turns to the Umbrella Tribe.

"Annette, Nemesis, Marcus, and Ada."

Like the other contestants they walk up, grab a slip and walk back. Wesker puts the jar down, and motions for them to open the papers. Each contestant does. Then after a 2 second lag, there are multiple groans, some obscenities, and what sounds like crying.

"Ok, everyone grab your partner and take a tree."

There is more grumbling and more obscenities expressed. Including the comment that the host is a Treacherous Bastard, deserving a painful death. Wesker glared around, but had no luck in finding the person responsible for the comment. A few minutes later and the partners are arranged under their respective trees.

"Alright then…GO!!"

Wesker pulled up a chair, grabbed a case of Corona, and prepared for the fun that would follow. Our eight partners look at each other, and several arguments are heard.

"Billy, you're stronger than me!" Jill yells

"Hunk, I am not climbing up the tree!" Annette screams, crossing her arms.

"Alyssa, I don't like this arrangement anymore than you." Carlos snapped.

"Fine Brad, I'll climb the damn tree!" Claire says in exasperation.

"Starrrrsss." Nemmy said to Alexia, waving his arms.

"Marcus, keep your damn leeches from eating the puppies!" Nicholai yelled, grabbing a hold of the tree.

"Yoko, are you going to do anything on this show?" Rebecca moans, trying to climb the tree.

"You know Alfred, for a guy, you are quite girly.." Ada mumbles, trying to shimmy up the tree.

Wesker is watching this, and laughing his ass off. In the meantime, Morpheus has awoken and found his way over. He sits down on the beach, flipping a piece of white hair out of his face. Wesker glances over, admiring the view. Sure Morpheus was a female tyrant, but quite a nice looking female tyrant.

Meanwhile, Billy had managed to climb up the tree and get to the basket. He looked in and his almost cheerful mood fell two degrees.

"These are [beep] Cerberus!!"

As each partner looked in the basket, they all discovered that Billy was indeed correct. The puppies…were zombie puppies. Wesker drew his attention away from Morpheus long enough to crack open a fresh beer and laugh at the contestants.

Brad was running around in circles with one of the puppies attached to his head, and one chewing on his pant leg, while Clare screamed at him to run to the basket.

Rebecca was yelling at Yoko to grab the puppy, while she too was running in circles and screaming.

Both Nemesis and Hunk had inadvertently killed their allotted puppies. Annette was throwing coconuts at Hunk and calling him an imbecile, while Alexia stood under the other tree filing her nails.

Carlos had tossed down the whole basket, which Alyssa had failed to catch. She was now trying to chase down their allotted two puppies, which had taken it in their heads to chase down Brad.

Ada had somehow managed to drop both puppies to Alfred, who had somehow managed to drag both puppies to a basket.

Billy seized this opportunity to drop the basket to Jill, who caught it easily and dumped both puppies, at the same time, into the basket.

Brad finally managed to fall into one of the baskets, thus completing his assigned task of getting two puppies into a basket.

Nicholai had at this point shimmied down the tree and was beating Marcus in the head with a stick, because Marcus' leeches had eaten both their puppies.

"Alright, all done, S.T.A.R.S. wins." Wesker said, pulling himself out of the lawn chair, to hand over the sunglasses to Claire. "Umbrella see you at the Tribal Council."

Both team leave the area as soon as possible.

Next Time on Survivor…

Who is the next one getting tossed over the railing??

_

* * *

Meanwhile…_

"Are those zombie puppies?" Leon asked, glancing down beneath the tree.

"Looks like it." Birkin muttered, looking rather gloomy.

"Think they're safe to eat?" Chris asked eyeing the dogs hungrily. "I'm getting sick of bananas."

Both Leon and Birkin stared at him strangely, then slowly inched away…

* * *

A/N: Who is not worthy to remain on the island. The Umbrella team needs to lose a member…cast your votes!

By the way, any ideas for future immunity challenges are greatly appreciated!! Thank you Meg for the zombie puppy idea!


	9. Tribal Council 4

DISCLAIMER: Don't own RE, Survivor, Zippo, or Corona.

* * *

Umbrella Camp

Ada and Hunk are sitting around the campfire, whispering to themselves.

"So we double cross him?" Hunk looks a bit, shall we say…excited.

"We do indeed. He's dead wood and really is kinda worthless."

Down near the beach Alexia and Nemesis appear to be in a heated argument. Although no one was quite sure what Nemesis was saying since all he was doing was screaming "Starrrrsss! Starrrrsss!". Annette and Alfred had snuck off to the watering hole and were having their own discussion. Morpheus, Marcus, and Nicholai are sitting in the palm trees drinking a few bottles of Corona, that Morpheus stole from Wesker.

And once again it's that part of the show where our intrepid cameraman corners a survivor and they bitch, moan, and groan about the island, the other survivors, and anything else that might come to mind.

"Well I hate to do it, but ole Nicholai just hasn't been a whole lot of help these last couple days." Ada twiddles with her hair. "I mean I feel bad about it, I really do."

"Well, I love my brother but Alfred is turning into such a jealous twit." Alexia sighs, rolling her eyes. "I mean, so I was making out with Nemmy really none of his business. He shouldn't get so jealous over it."

There is a bit of confusion as the cameraman stumbles into the trees and throws up. After a brief commercial break, the cameraman returns and corners another contestant.

"Well I must say that Ada woman is getting on my nerves." Morpheus brushes a bit of white hair out of his…err…her…IT'S face. "Sneaking around like that all the time….the little trollop."

Tribal Council

Wesker leaned back against the railing, humming to himself. As was stated before this was one of his favorite parts of the job. Crushing the hopes of some unlucky contestant, shattering their dreams. The whole idea made him shudder with delight. So when the tribe members showed up, Wesker was actually wearing a genuine smile.

"Alrighty then! Was this vote a tough one?"

There were several echoes of "Not Really" and "I don't suppose so." This seems to displease our host, making him lose his warm and fuzzy feeling he'd had only seconds ago. He was hoping for confusion, anger, maybe even a tiny display of despair…instead he gets a lifeless bunch of replies form some brain dead Umbrella employees.

"Ah well, it'll have to do." He mumbles to himself. "Alright, time to vote. Ada you're up."

Ada saunters over to the voting jar, and quickly scribbles out a name. "Nicholai, your services are no longer required." She smiles and walks away.

Nemesis is next. He holds up a card, with a rather elegantly written name on it. "Starrrrsss…" he glances around, clears his throat and starts speaking in a rather sophisticated English accent. "Morpheus your weirdness is a threat to my lovely Alexia. I'm afraid you must depart the island."

This display causes the cameraman to glance into his coke can, and promptly faint. After a short commercial break, we return to find Alexia scribbling out a name.

"Alfred, you need to be less jealous. Sorry about this." she then folds up the card and stuffs it into the jar.

Alfred is next. "Nemesis you are moving in on my territory…I CANNOT ALLOW THAT YOU GIANT BIO-GENETIC FREAK OF NATURE….ALEXIA IS MINE! MINE…MINE…MINE…MINE…"

This rant goes on for at least another five minutes. During which Alfred is completely oblivious to the fact that everyone can hear him screaming at the top of his lungs, including our former contestants in the tree…

* * *

"Sounds like Alfred is having a bad day." Leon yawned, leaning back on his branch.

"I hope that twisted psycho doesn't wind up down here." Birkin shudders a bit, while Leon and Chris stare at him. "What?"

"Uh…Birkin you injected yourself with an unproven virus and became a giant G-Virus mutant…"

"So?" Birkin shrugged, so not getting Leon's point.

"Leon, might as well give it up, he's not gonna get it." Chris stretched, popping his shoulder. "I mean he's as twisted as Alfred."

"No one's that strange."

"What? I don't get it?" Birkin is now looking more than slightly confused. Ever hear the sound of two people slapping someone at the same time?

* * *

Back at our tribal council things have settled down a bit, and it is now time for Wesker to count the votes. He grabs the jar.

"When the final vote is read the person voted off will present their torch and prepare to be thrown over the railing." At this piece of news her smirks evilly, and pulls out the first vote. "Alfred"…second… "Alfred" …third… "Ada" …forth… "Nicholai" …fifth… "Nicholai" …sixth… "Morpheus" …seventh… "Marcus" …eighth… "Nemesis" …ninth… "Alexia"

There is an audible gasp as everyone realizes that Nicholai and Alfred are tied to be kicked off the island. However there is an even bigger gasp as Wesker pulls yet another vote out of the jar…

Tenth… "Alfred" …eleventh… "Alfred" …twelfth… "Ada" …thirteenth… "Nicholai" …fourteenth… "Alexia" …fifteenth… "Alexia" …sixteenth… "Alexia" …seventieth… "Ada" …eighteenth… "Nicholai" …nineteenth… "Nicholai"

Now everyone stares at each other, as they realize that everyone has voted twice, and someone has voted three times. Wesker quickly counts through the votes…again.

"Alright Nicholai you are the one to leave the island, please step forward." Wesker in now smiling evilly again.

Nicholai stomps forward mumbling obscenities, luckily the censor was quick on the button to beep out the nasty language. Wesker put out the torch and reached for Nicholai.

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!" Nicholai then pulled a can of hairspray and a Zippo lighter. "I'll use it…I SWARE!!"

Now this appeared to frighten Wesker for all of about…3 seconds. He then leaped straight in the air crashing through at least three trees, and landed behind Nicholai grabbing him by the back of the shirt.

"Good try, give you credit for that." Wesker then threw him over the railing. "Bye!"

* * *

Several minutes of crashing sounds later, and Nicholai landed in the tree with everyone else. He shook his head and stared at the former contestants.

"For future reference, Wesker's weakness is **_not_** fire."

"Really?" Leon scooted over, giving Nicholai some room.

"Yea."

"Hmm…that's interesting." Birkin produces a notebook and starts scribbling.

"I wonder what his weakness is then?" Chris ponders…

* * *

Wesker turned around, smiling wickedly. The Umbrella Tribe all looked at each other then scattered into the trees like a group of New York cockroaches after a light comes on…

Next Time on Survivor…

A family visit…

Another time consuming and torturous immunity challenge…

* * *

A/N: I hope you enjoyed, cause I included every vote that was cast…hence the reason there were so many…


	10. Day 9 or 10 maybe 12 who knows

DISCLAIMER: Still don't own Resident Evil, Onimusha, Corona, Ralph Lauren, or Survivor. I also do not own Ruben Salven, he is the sole property of CassSpaz.

A/N: I apologize for the lateness of this chapter…it's that damn writer's block!! However, after slapping my muse around a bit, I appear to be recovering. On with the show…

* * *

Umbrella Camp

The Umbrella team returns to camp after the tribal meeting, and I must say no one seems to be missing Nicholai a whole lot. In fact I'm pretty sure a couple people haven't even noticed he's gone.

"Well, that was certainly different. Who knew that everyone would vote twice." Ada carefully stoked the fire.

"Indeed." Hunk grunted, attempting to skin a fish. "Someone voted three times too."

"I think that might have been Alexia, but I can't be sure."

* * *

On The Beach

Wesker looked over the script, and moaned. It was time for one of those warm fuzzy moments the show is so fond of having. The show was flying in the Survivor's family or friends. The mere thought of the sickenly sweet reunions, was enough to make him wanna hurl. But hey, he was getting paid and he'd signed a contract, so there wasn't a whole lot he could do about it.

He plastered a rather mocking smile on his face as the survivors made there way onto the beach. He was not surprised by how happy the Umbrella team looked. He seriously doubted that any of them missed Nicholai too much.

"Well, how is everything going?" Not that he cared, but he had to ask.

"Oh just wonderful!!" Alexia was smiling up at Nemesis, while Alfred stared at Nemmy with a look of hate and contempt.

"Can I go home now?" Brad was still whining…big surprise.

"No." Wesker looked over his clipboard, before speaking again. "Alright folks, we have a special surprise for you today…"

A long string of obscenities, from Billy, interrupt our host. Along with several sobs from Alyssa and Yoko. At least two very mangled Greek curses, from Morpheus and Marcus. Alexia is attempting to hold Nemmy back. Ada and Hunk are conspiring to kill Wesker. Claire and Rebecca are trying to sneak away. Jill is trying to find a weapon. Carlos is simply trying not to have a nervous breakdown. Last, but not least, Brad has fainted. Wesker clears his throat, and when that doesn't get everyone's attention he lobs his clipboard at Carlos, knocking him unconscious.

"Now then, if you will pay attention for one minute." Wesker retrieves his clipboard, and gives Carlos a kick for good measure. "The producers of the show, have decided to fly in one member of everyone's family, or a friend. So here they are. From Mexico we have Carlos' cousin…Ruben Salven!!"

A tall, handsome looking man with dark hair, and wearing a U.B.C.S. uniform steps out of the tree line. He winks at Alexia as he walks towards the S.T.A.R.S. tribe, and even gives ole Morpheus an appraising glance. However, instead of stopping at his fallen cousin he simply steps over Carlos' prone body and saunters over to Jill.

"Hey baby…wanna come take a look at the palm trees with me?" His hundred kilowatt smile is bright enough that a blind man could see it.

"Oh God…another one." Jill is seriously considering suicide at this point.

"Pretty boys as far as the eye can see." Wesker sighs, and consults his list again. "From all the way across the ocean, Alexia's father….Alexander Ashford!"

A tall rather distinguished looking gentlemen in a suit and lab coat enters the scene. He calmly walks over to his daughter Alexia.

"Hey!! You're supposed to be the mutant Nosferatu!!" Alexia is a might confused at this point, as are most of the readers I would wager.

"Yea and half the people on the island are supposed to be dead…go figure."

"Moving on…from the same place as Alexander we bring you….what the hell??!!"

Wesker is just as confused as everyone else, when a large cryogenic tube is delivered to Alfred. Alfred quickly signs the delivery sheet, and stares in awe at the tube. Inside is a frozen Alexia.

"My precious sister." He then wraps arms around the tube and starts crying. "I miss you soooo much!!"

"Alexia, remind me to up the dosage of his medication when we get home." Alexander looks like he might toss his cookies any minute.

"Sure, no problem." Alexia isn't looking too healthy herself.

"I knew he was a freak, but damn…" Wesker shakes his head, trying to clear his mind of several very sickening images. "Alrighty then…All the way from Raccoon City, Annette's baby girl…Sherry Birkin!!"

At this point everyone near Annette suddenly takes off like a shot, all of them wind up huddling together with the S.T.A.R.S. team. Sherry comes skipping onto the beach and immediately homes in on her unsuspecting mother.

"MOM!!"

Two miles away several windows shatter. Closer to the action , three cameras are destroyed, causing the show to go to an early commercial. Upon returning to the show, we find Sherry hog tied and gagged while poor Annette sits in the sand giggling to herself and mumbling something about acid flashbacks.

"From somewhere out west, Billy's baby sister…Christina Coen!!" Wesker rubs at the bridge of his nose. "What is it about these damn "boy scout heroes" and little sisters?"

A young woman, about the same age as Claire, trots out onto the beach, with med length black hair, and wearing an Air Force uniform.

"Billy!" Christina then throws her arms around her brother. "How you been doing?"

"Not too bad I suppose. So Chris how's things going with you?"

"Did someone say my name??!!" A mysterious voice yells.

Wesker quickly takes control of the situation, as all eyes turn towards the tree line. "Please ignore the voices behind the tree line!"

"I heard my name damn it!" The voice yells.

Wesker smiles, then runs back into the trees. For several minutes there are some very loud screams, the breaking of branches, and what sounds like breaking bones. Wesker returns to the beach looking a bit disheveled but happy none the less. He's evil, so I suppose kicking the shit out of Chris and everyone else in the tree, would have the tendency to make him happy. He wipes a speck of blood off his very cute Hawaiian shirt and consults his clipboard again.

"From an undisclosed location, we have Hunk's mother…Ice!!" Wesker scratched his head. "That has got to be a code name of some kind…"

A tall, athletically built woman, with short blonde hair, and wearing a black turtleneck and matching pants stepped onto the beach. She appeared to be looking seven places at once, as she made her way over to Hunk.

"Mother."

"Son."

And well…that was about it. They just sorta stood there, and stared at each other. Perhaps sensing the nothing too exciting was going to happen in the near future Wesker went on with the introductions.

"Alright, to speed things along a bit let's just bring everyone out. I mean we still have the damn immunity challenge to do here."

This bit of news didn't seem to make anyone brighten up at all. Although both Brad and Carlos had finally regained consciousness. In the meantime ten people trotted out onto the beach. This confused Wesker slightly, as there were only nine survivors left on the clipboard, who hadn't seen their so called loved ones yet.

"Hey Albie!!" A tall woman with long blonde hair shouted, waving her arm.

"Oh no…" Wesker rubbed at his temples. "Please tell me the producers did not drag her on here."

"Who is that?" Claire was eyeing the young blonde suspiciously.

"I believe she said she was the host's sister." Claire's mother nodded. "Yea, you can see the family resemblance."

"Wesker has a sister?" Now Jill was confused. Seemed to be happening a lot today.

"Wow, that's kinda neat." Richard Aiken was just glad he wasn't dead.

"So it would appear." Alyssa said.

"She's pretty nice actually." This comment came from Kevin Ryman, Alyssa and Yoko's friend. Apparently the producers of the show were too cheap to bring a separate friend for each of them.

"I wanna go home.." Brad then broke down into tears….and so did his brother.

"Oh shut up Brad." Rebecca appeared to be getting fed up with his whining.

"Does he do that a lot?" This comment came from Rebecca's boyfriend Samanosuke. They met at the annual Capcom Christmas party.

"All the damn time."

And as our tall athletically built blonde walked toward our host, the conversations continued. Morpheus was talking with Bruce McGivern, asking how Fong was doing. Marcus was having an argument with Ozwell Spencer about the progenitor virus. Nemesis was the only one not speaking, but I suppose it's difficult to have a conversation with a test tube of T-Virus.

"Alexandra, what are you doing here? Or a better question would be why you are dressed in a U.B.C.S. uniform?"

"Geez Albie, nice to see you too, and this is not a U.B.C.S. uniform. It's a tank top with the Umbrella logo on it." Alex crossed her arms, looking almost as evil as her brother.

"I thought you were working for S.T.A.R.S. now and dating the insolent Redfield?"

"Wrong fic Albie." And indeed she was right, this is the version of Alex _before _she switched sides. "Now, as for what I'm doing here I thought you might need these."

Alex reached into her pocket and produced a pair of Ralph Lauren sunglasses. Wesker, having been deprived of his sunglasses several days earlier, snatched them out of her hand grinning. He then slipped them one and did something no one expected…he hugged his sister.

"You're my hero!!"

This display caused the entire beach to fall silent, well except for a few muffled thuds as several people fainted from shock.

"Calm down Albie, before you ruin your treacherous bastard image. Which reminds me, isn't it time for the immunity challenge?"

This bit of news only seemed to make Wesker that much happier.

"Ah yes." He then let out a fit of evil laughter. After a few seconds, her regained his composure. "Time for the…**Maze of Peril**!"

This elicited several groans from various contestants, blank stares from a few of the guests, one fainting spell from Brad's brother, and a great show of interest from Alexandra. Wesker then grinned like a shark and drug his sister over to a nearby maze, as everyone else sorta followed behind looking like condemned prisoners.

"The object of this game is very simple. You will be paired with another team member. One team member will be blindfolded, the other will have to guide the blindfolded team member through the maze in order to locate a flag. This can only be done by shouting directions at them from the top of the maze. The first tribe to get all their flags out of the maze wins. However, you must only collect your tribe's flags. Each flag is clearly marked."

"What's the catch?" Rebecca was paranoid, and rightly so. I mean this is Wesker we are talking about.

"The maze is filled with zombies, Cerberus, a few hunters, maybe a tyrant or two. Easy. Now since we have all this special guests here today, Alexandra you get to partner our vict…err…contestants up."

Ten minutes and two fist fights later

"All set to go Albie." Alexandra was quite pleased with her selections.

"Alright then…GO!" Wesker then sat down in his lawn chair and handed Alex a Corona. "This is the fun part."

And eight people ran through the maze blindfolded, with only their partners to guide them.

"STARRRRSSS!!" Nemmy stood above the maze, waving his arms at Ada. Ada in the meantime was trying not to get eaten by a zombie.

"Left…no, you idiot, YOUR OTHER LEFT!!" Billy was very close to killing Brad himself, never mind the hunter that was currently chewing on Brad's leg.

"Right…left…jump…duck…" Marcus seemed almost board with this whole exercise, especially since Hunk took directions so easily.

"Move your ass!!" Morpheus followed up this bit of direction with a well placed zap of electricity to Alfred's butt.

"You're almost out!! Right…left…YES!!" Alyssa jumped up and down as Yoko excited the maze, with only minimal injuries.

"That's one for the S.T.A.R.S. tribe." Wesker cracked open another beer. "Isn't this fun?"

"Oh very." Alexandra was on her third beer and feeling rather perky at the moment.

"AHHH!! REBECCA ANNETTE HAS OUR FLAG!! SICK'ER!!" Carlos was jumping up and down like a frantic moron. Rebecca in the mean time, tackled what she thought was Annette. Turned out to be Claire instead.

"Left…right…jump…dive…you're out." Marcus yawned as Hunk crossed the finish line with a flag and zero injuries.

Meanwhile Annette managed to find the right flag and stumble out of the maze, followed closely by Brad, dragging his hunter with him.

"Two for S.T.A.R.S. one two for Umbrella. God I love this job." By this time both Wesker and Alexandra were getting quite tipsy.

"Damn it Rebecca that's CLAIRE!!" Carlos was this close to going down there and beating the hell out of Rebecca.

"Kick her!!" Jill was now going spastic herself. "Gouge her eyes out!!"

Meanwhile Ada somehow managed to get a flag out, and she was quickly followed by Alfred.

"Well then looks like Umbrella wins. Tribes gather your tribe mates and head back home. Guests get back on the chopper." Wesker's words were a bit slurred at this point. "S.T.A.R.S. see you at tribal council…Alex hang out for a while."

"No problem." Alex couldn't have moved it she'd tried…she was seeing double.

And so there was a tearful goodbye, and a least one instance of one tribe member trying to sneak on the chopper. The two tribes hauled their injured back to camp, while Wesker and Alex continued their drinking binge.

* * *

Back in the Tree…

Four broken and bloody men sit in their tree, trying to see what the hell is going on.

"Hey is that the chick Wesker said I was gonna date?" Chris was now eyeing Alexandra, despite having two black eyes and what appeared to be a broken arm.

"Yea...oww." Leon was nursing a black eye and swollen lip.

"She's pretty hot."

"Wonder if she can fight?" Nicholai was no better off then anyone else, with a severe concussion, and a twisted ankle.

"Wonder is she would be good experimental data?" Birkin had escaped relatively unscathed, with only a couple bruised ribs.

"What are you talking about?" Chris was now a wee bit upset, I mean this was his future girlfriend they were discussing.

"Well…what if we make her like Wesker…think of all the ass you could kick then…including _Albie's_."

This lead the men to fall silent, for several minutes. Of course when the two Hunters showed up underneath the tree, their thoughts turned to more important matters…like screaming.

* * *

Back on the beach…

Halfway through their third case of Corona…Wesker and Alex broke into song..

"Oh I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts…deedle dee dee…standing in a row…"

* * *

A/N: It's that time again…Who on the S.T.A.R.S. team has to go? Cast your votes!!


	11. Tribal Council 5

DISCLAIMER: Do not own RE, Survivor, or Lion King.

* * *

S.T.A.R.S. Camp

Well, it was that time again. Time once more for the entire tribe to scheme and plot, hopping not to get voted off. Speaking of scheming and plotting…it appears as if the resident bitch, Claire, has been cornered by our intrepid camera man.

"Well, you know, I'm going to have to get rid of Carlos. If Cuban Pete goes, Jill won't be too far behind. I do have to make Jill suffer. I hate to be so rough on the poor trollop, but she really does deserve it. I mean really, who runs around a zombie invested city in a _beeping _tube top and a mini skirt anyway? "

After another twenty minutes of Claire going on about how she plans to torture Jill, our camera man fakes a heart attack and escapes to bother someone else.

"I know I'm gonna be the next one gone." Yoko looks around then breaks down into tears. "Nobody loves me…"

After these two mind numbing displays our camera turns to passive mode, and finds a rather interesting development. Rebecca, still with no alliance, is conversing with Billy. There is several minutes of whispered words, then she slinks off toward where Carlos and Jill are sitting.

"Jill the woman is a psycho!" Carlos growls.

"Yes Carlos I know that, the problem is everyone is too afraid to vote for her." Jill sighs, combing a hand through her hair. "It's gonna be tough getting enough votes."

"How many votes do we need?" Carlos is starting to look a bit anxious.

Jill thinks for a moment. "Well, Brad will certainly vote for himself. I'm pretty sure you're next on Claire's hit list. So both her and Billy will vote for you. Me and you will both vote for Claire. That leaves three votes unaccounted for."

"I think I can help you with that." Rebecca sits on the log next to Carlos. "I mean we can always do like the Umbrella Tribe did and vote twice."

"Uh…that's cheating." Carlos is a nice guy, but not too bright sometimes.

"What if I tell you I can get four votes for Claire to vacate the island…that includes one vote from each of you."

Rebecca smiles a bit, and both Carlos and Jill get the shivers. That smile looks a lot like Wesker's _I'm gonna kill you and enjoy it_ smile. Maybe Rebecca's been spending a little too much time around our evil host?

"That still leaves four votes in limbo." Jill leans forward a bit. "If there's a tie, things are gonna get complicated."

"Remember Brad is going to vote for himself."

Both Jill and Carlos look at each other then slowly turn their attention back to Rebecca. The little hamster wheels in their brains are slowly turning. If Rebecca can deliver…then their nemesis is out the door.

"Alright, you have a deal." Jill holds out her hand.

"Then, at least for this vote, we have an alliance."

They shake hands, and the fate of Claire appears to be sealed…

Tribal Council Area

Well…Wesker and his sister were pretty sloshed, to say the least. Apparently a two hour drinking contest occurred after a rousing rendition of several Lion King songs. So when our tribe mates arrived they were a bit surprised at the welcoming.

"Hey there friends, neighbors, and people I would like to kill!! How are you this fine evening?" Wesker stumbled a bit, trying to stand up.

"Ah…fine?" Jill looked as confused as everyone else felt.

"Great! Go vote some poor slob off the island."

Wesker grinned broadly then stumbled over to his sister, who was swaying back and forth. Jill shook her head, and walked over to the voting pot. She quickly scribbled out a name, then held up the card.

"Sorry Claire…but what you did to Leon was totally screwed up."

Yoko was next. She walked to the pot, like someone walking the final mile on death row. She wrote out a name, and held up the card.

"I'm sorry Alyssa, but I'm hoping you get more votes than me."

Alyssa went next. She scribbled out a name, and held up the card.

"I still hate you Carlos."

Alyssa walked back to her seat, and it was Carlos' turn. He wrote down an name, and held up the card.

"I despise you Claire…die a horrible death."

Carlos wandered back to his seat. Brad was the next one to slink off to vote. There was no surprise when he wrote down his own name, said nothing, and sat back down. Rebecca was next. She quickly wrote out a name and held up the card.

"Sorry Claire, but you're moving in on my partner character. I may look all wholesome and sweet but I'm really a mega bitch from hell, and you have pissed me off you little trollop."

Rebecca then smiled sweetly and skipped back to her seat. Claire was next. She wrote down a name, and held up the card.

"Sorry Carlos, but I think it's time you joined my brother in the tree of shame."

Claire took her seat. Billy was the final person to walk to the pot. Claire gave him a little wink as he walked by. Rebecca looked ready to strangle her. Billy wrote out a name…then held up the card.

"I'm sorry Claire, but Rebecca convinced me to help her." He looked around nervously then leaned in closer to the camera. "She threatened me. I mean you probably think she's just some sweet naive kid…but she's evil in carnet…trust me I know."

Billy then sat down. Wesker stumbled over to the pot, picked it up, then wandered over to the rest of the group. However, due to massive amounts of alcohol consumption and pure dumb luck, he tripped and the pot hit the ground with a resounding crash. Little cards went flying everywhere. One landed at Claire's feet, and when she saw the name on the card and handwriting in which it was written…well she was not pleased.

"Billy you…TRAITOR!!"

She then jumped Billy and they both hit the ground in a tangle of arms and legs. Both Wesker and Alex found this vastly amusing. Jill, in the meantime was scrapping together the votes.

"YOU _BEEPING BEEPEDY BEEP BEEEEEEEP_! I'LL KILL YOU!!"

At this point Claire was sitting on Billy's chest and had her hands firmly wrapped around his throat. In the process of trying to chock him to death, she was repeatedly banging his head on the ground. Rebecca found this to be a rather unacceptable display…and jumped Claire from behind. Meanwhile Jill handed the votes over to Alex, since Wesker was busy trying to break up the fight. Well it at least looked like he was trying to break up the fight, in all honesty he was egging it on.

"Kick her ass Becky!!" Wesker slurred, waving his arms around widely.

Alex looked over the votes, then smiled.

"Guys…hey guys…GUYS!!"

But Alex's pleas went unheard. Claire continued to throttle Billy, Rebecca continued to hit Claire repeatedly in the head, Carlos continued to try and pry Rebecca off of Claire, and Wesker continued to egg the entire fiasco on. Finally Alex pulled her magnum and fired a round…which hit Wesker in the shoulder. Sobered him up pretty fast too.

"Sorry about that Albie." Alex cleared her throat. "Claire you have been voted off the island…bye!"

But before Wesker could throw her over the railing, Rebecca did the honors. There was a loud crashing sound then silence…but that didn't last long…

"YOU!!" Two male voices said in unison.

"I'm really sorry…IT WAS BILLY'S IDEA!!"

This outburst was followed by more crashing sounds, and some whimpers of pain. In the meantime, the S.T.A.R.S. tribe bid a hasty retreat while Wesker went to converse with his sister about getting shot…

In The Tree

Birkin and Nicholai were trying to stay as far from the fighting as possible. Mostly because Leon and Chris were getting their asses kicked by Claire. Suddenly something hit the tree with a loud crash…and landed right in Chris' lap.

"Oh hey there Chris." Alex smiled.

"Uh…hi?" Chirrs was a bit confused and somewhat surprised. "How did you get here?"

"Oh Albie got a bit pissy about me shooting him, and tossed me over the railing. No biggie." She smiled again, then glanced to where Claire was currently beating up on Leon. "Damn, she's kicking his ass."

"Yea, she got me too." Chris turned his face to display a black eye and swelling lip.

Now this little bit of news only appeared to piss Alex off. She then scrambled off of Chris' lap and jumped Claire, beating her repeatedly…

Next Time on Survivor

Yet ANOTHER immunity challenge…

More un-censored violence…

A bit of a twist…

* * *

A/N: Truth be told both Yoko and Claire got three votes…so I made an executive decision…


	12. Day 14 or 15 does anyone really care?

DISCLAIMER: I still don't own RE nor do I own Survivor. I will never own them, therefore this is the last damn Disclaimer I'm going to do unless I mention something else.

A/N: I apologize for this chapter's lateness. I've been really busy. I would also like to thank J.C. for his maze idea for the last immunity challenge. I forgot to do that, my apologies.

* * *

* * *

S.T.A.R.S. Camp

To say that no one is worried about Claire being gone, would be an understatement. In fact, the entire tribe is having one hell of a party. Which appears to include a case of beer someone managed to filch from Wesker. The only one who looks like they aren't having a good time is Billy, whose just been corned by a very drunken Rebecca.

"I bet you thought you could get rid of me, didn't you?" Rebecca is slurring pretty badly at this point.

"Ah…no, not at all." Billy smiles, trying to stave off the inevitable violence which is about to occur.

"Yes you did!"

Billy turns three shades of white as Rebecca yanks her clothes off. At this point everyone at camp turns to stare, consequently the show's ratings jump 20 points. Rebecca smirks at Billy, dressed only in what appears to be a leather bra, a black leather collar, a very very skimpy pair of black leather underwear, and five inch spike heels. In her hands is a long black whip.

"I guess I'll have to teach you a lesson…"

If possible, Billy actually paled more. Everyone else present backed away slowly, cowardice maybe, but they certainly weren't going to get involved if they didn't have to. Rebecca smiled, pulling the whip in her hands taunt before she began to swing it around wildly. Several blows landed neatly on Billy's head and shoulders.

"AHHHH!!" Billy ran around in circles waving his hands like an idiot.

"On your knees, kiss my feet!! HO HO HO HO!!"

"AHHHH!! Princess, Princess, Princess!!"

This proclamation only made the spectators even more confused, and they continued to stare as Rebecca continued to 'punish' Billy.

"Princess? **_I_** am your QUEEN!!"

On the Beach

Wesker felt worse this morning than he had after the Vicadan incident. Of course the bullet wound in his shoulder certainly wasn't helping his mood any. But the thought of the tortures to come was definitely helping his mood. He actually giggled to himself as the tribes walked onto the beach.

"Is he giggling?" Morpheus stared at Wesker like he'd lost his mind.

"It sounds like it. That's even creepier than Alfred's tittering laugh." Hunk shuddered a bit.

"My laugh is not creepy." Alfred crossed his arms and pouted.

The S.T.A.R.S. Team appeared to be just as concerned over Wesker's giggling as the Umbrella tribe was.

"Ok, that's just creeping me out." Yoko whimpered, hiding behind Alyssa.

"Well, that's the second creepiest thing I've ever seen." Jill figured that right now, watching Rebecca whip Billy into submission was probably number one on her list.

After a few more minutes of creepy giggling Wesker got control of himself. Giggling was not his preferred method of evil induced laughter, but it was the best he could do with the hangover he had. He cleared his throat and mustered up a rather pathetic evil smile.

"Well, S.T.A.R.S. how are things going after the last tribal council?"

"Just peachy!"

Rebecca's normal enthusiasm was back in full force. To her left Billy was whimpering softly and attempting to hide behind Brad, of all people. Wesker took this whole scene in and finally decided that perhaps he had gone a bit too far with Rebecca's 'Evil Training'. Then again, watching Billy whimper was rather amusing.

"Alrighty then. Today's immunity challenge!"

As usual, whimpers, swearing, and at least the sound of two people fainting followed this loud proclamation. Now this was enough to coax a genuine evil smile out of our hung over host.

"Today is something of an endurance challenge. Both teams are going to be placed in a large room with Lisa Trevor. The last one standing wins immunity for their tribe. The rules are simple. One, you cannot hit Lisa if you do you are out of the game. Two, if you are knocked unconscious or killed you are out of the game. Nemmy, you have to sit this one out. Not only will it make the teams even but I doubt Lisa could really do you any damage. Any questions?"

There was a loud murmur of no, with a few obscenities thrown in for good measure. Wesker's smile broadened and he lead both tribes to a large fabricated room in the middle of the beach, roughly the size of the Spencer Mansion's lobby.

"In you go, have fun!"

Wesker shut the door, then sat down in his usual lawn chair, with his usual allotment of beer, and watched the chaos unfold…

Lisa stumbled into the room from a doorway in the northwest corner of the large room. She glared around at the assembled Survivors, then let out a loud moan before heading straight for Brad. Bread let out a strangled scream before running for the exit. In the process he ran right over Hunk and Marcus. The result of which was total and immediate unconsciousness for the two members of the Umbrella Tribe. As Brad continued to run in circles screaming like a fan girl on crack, Morpheus took this opportunity to remove himself from the game, by attempting to electrocute Lisa.

"Hey…female tyrant thing, that is not allowed, you're out!" Wesker yelled from his perch.

"You said we couldn't _hit_ her…you didn't say anything about electrocuting her!" Morpheus screamed back, stamping it's foot.

"No damage what so ever you idiot!"

Morpheus mumbled a few well place and quickly censored obscenities, picked up Hunk and Marcus, and quickly exited the room. Brad attempted to follow, but was stopped when he ran into Alyssa at a dead run. Both of them hit the ground in a tangle of arms and legs.

"Get off me you moron!" Alyssa then proceeded to beat Brad about the head and shoulders. "Move!"

"Oh God…I'm gonna die!" Brad then broke down crying.

In the meantime, Lisa attempted to hit Carlos in the head. Thinking quickly Carlos grabbed Yoko by the arm and swung her into Lisa's path. There was a sickening thud as Lisa's bound hands hit Yoko in the head. The poor girl crumpled into a heap at Carlos' feet.

"starrsss???" Nemmy looked a bit confused at this display of treachery by the S.T.A.R.S. team.

"Ya well, shit happens." Wesker cracked open another beer, and proceeded to point and laugh at the carnage below him.

Alexia attempted to dodge Lisa, but managed to get nailed in the head when Alfred pushed her back toward the chained woman. This apparent betrayal seemed to infuriate Nemmy to no end. Meanwhile Alyssa and Brad had finally disentangled themselves. Brad then resumed his screaming and running. The tactic was working well, until he ran into a wall and knocked himself out.

"Serves you right!"

Alyssa shouted, waving her fist around widely. In the process of doing so, she clocked Lisa. Who then proceeded to mercilessly beat the poor woman into a small puddle on the floor. After that, she turned her attention to Annette and Alfred. Alfred let out a blood curdling shriek, spun around , and ran right into Carlos.

"Get off me you twit!" Carlos yelled pushing Alfred back toward Lisa.

During this exchange, Annette had made good her escape and was hiding behind Ada. Lisa zeroed in on Alfred and took a swing. Somehow Alfred ducked and Carlos got clocked instead. Alfred took this opportunity to crawl away and hide behind Jill. Lisa made a dive for Ada. Ada sidestepped and Lisa hit Annette by accident, knocking her through the open exit door. Alfred took this opportunity to faint on the spot. Jill was actually quite relieved by this, having him cowering behind her was making her nervous.

"Only one Umbrella tribe member left!" Wesker proclaimed with an evil smile. "I love this job."

"starrsss…"

Lisa then made the single biggest mistake of the day, she targeted Billy. She smacked him up side the head, knocking him into Jill. Both of them hit the floor with a loud thud. Jill's head bounced like a beach ball against the wood floor, knocking her unconscious along with Billy, who was now laying on top of her.

"YOU _BEEPING BEEPEDY BEEP BEEEEEEEP!!_"

Rebecca yanked off her clothes again, revealing the same skimpy leather outfit from last night and produced the same black leather whip.

"Only **_I_** am allowed to kick the _beeping _hell out of Billy!"

"Holy hell?!"

Wesker leaned forward, trying to get a better look at Rebecca's outfit , and tumbled out of his chair to land in the middle of the room. Rebecca then proceeded to swing her whip around wildly. In a display of pure treacherous and high intellect, Lisa managed to dodge every blow by hiding behind either Ada or Wesker.

"Oww…oww…oww…OWWWW!"

Wesker was hoping around like his ass was on fire, while Rebecca continued trying to beat the hell out of Lisa. Ada too was getting her share of blows. While trying to avoid said blows, she attempted to run past Wesker and got clothes lined by accident. She hit the floor with a sickening thud, unconscious. Rebecca however did not care about that, she was intent on beating the crap out of that Lisa hussy.

"Come back here you tramp!!"

Several more blows hit poor Wesker, who was really getting tired of being beaten by this point. However several observers, not so far off, thought it was funnier than hell.

"Kick his ass Becky!!" Chris shouted, almost falling out of the tree.

"Way to go Becca!!" Leon yelled, from his position several branches above. "Whip him good!!"

"Kick the _beeping beepedy beep beep beepedy _our of that no good treacherous bastard!!"

Everyone turned to stare at Birkin, who looked like he'd lost his mind. Alex, Claire, and Nicholai slowly inched away from him.

In the meantime, Wesker was now laying on the floor cowering, as was Lisa. Rebecca looked particularly proud of herself.

"Ok, you win, take your sunglasses and get out of here!"

Rebecca snatched the sunglasses out of Wesker's outstretched hand and skipped back to camp, dragging the unconscious Billy behind her.

Next Time on Survivor…

Someone is about to be voted off….

* * *

A/N: Alrighty thank you Guy Zumpetta for the Lisa Trevor idea. If no one has ever seen/read Sorcerer Hunters, than Rebecca's little whip antics won't make much sense. For those who have, I think you guys know exactly what I was going for.

Now, who on the Umbrella Tribe has to go? Cast your votes!


	13. Tribal Council 6

Umbrella Camp

As everyone very well knows, but I'm going to tell you anyway, it's time once more for tribe members to try and B.S. there way into getting various other tribe members NOT to vote for them. Happens every other episode, you should be used to it by now. Of course it's funny to watch none the less.

Anyway, our reckless and somewhat stupid cameraman manages to corner one of our tribe members, in a conveniently secluded location to get their thoughts on the up and coming tribal council.

"starrsss…" Nemmy then waves his hands around wildly while bellowing at the top of his lungs. "STARRRSSSS!!!"

Since Nemmy's voice actor is currently on vacation we will be providing the viewing audience with a brief translation.

**_Translation: _**That little Alfred BEEP had guts enough to hurt my pretty Alexia. HE MUST DIE A HORRIBLE AND AGONIZING DEATH!!

Feeling that retreat is the better part of valor, the cameraman slinks off to corner a different tribe member. He finds Alexia near the tree house filing her nails.

"Well what Alfred did, was just wrong. However I want the little _BEEP_ to suffer so I'm voting for Annette."

The cameraman then corners Hunk.

"Marcus has to go. Him and those…_BEEPING _LEECHES!!"

Now turning to passive mode the cameraman escapes to a safe distance. He is well aware that it is not wise to get too close to any of these psychopaths for any length of time. They might like eat you or something.

Meanwhile, Alfred and Annette are having a small meeting of their own.

"I'm voting twice."

"Alfred, that isn't exactly within the rules you know." Annette pokes at the fire, trying to cook a fish and failing miserably at it.

"Worked at the last tribal council, now didn't it?"

"Yea, well…that is true…"

Tribal Council Area

Wesker leans against the railing, trying to ignore the pain in his back and shoulders. Several large bruises have already developed on several portions of his body, including his face. He starting to think that loaning Rebecca his manga collection wasn't such a good idea. He rubs at a particularly nasty bruise under his left eye as the Umbrella tribe walks in and takes their seats.

"Well, how is everything going?"

"You look like shit." Hunk smirks.

Wesker somehow squelches the urge to break Hunk in half. "Just go _BEEPING _vote!"

A tall thin woman in a three piece dress suit runs into the tribal area, carrying several papers.

"You can't say that!!"

"Look lady I can say what ever I damn well please!" Wesker's mood is so not improving.

"Listen to me you overgrown blonde bimbo. You can't say that, it's right here in your contract."

The woman shoves the papers under Wesker's nose. He mumbles to himself, his eyes traveling over the paper. Apparently there is a clause that says the host can't use any harsh language that may have to be censored. Sure he can torture innocent people and perhaps kill a few of them, but no swearing.

"Fine." Wesker snaps as the woman walks back off camera.

Several of the Umbrella tribe bust out laughing at this beautiful scene. Below them in the tree the other survivors are laughing as well. Wesker crosses his arms, his face melting into a rather harsh scowl.

"Just wait until the next immunity challenge."

This shuts everyone up in a second, well everyone except those living in the tree. Wesker ignores them and points to the jar.

"Vote!"

Nemmy is up first. He writes out a name and holds up the card.

"starrsss…starrsss….starrsss…"

**Translation:** Trust me you don't want to know…

Nemmy stuffs the card in the pot and sits down. Alexia is up next, she takes several minutes to spell out the name and finally holds the card up.

"I'm sorry Annette but without you around, my little brother will suffer."

She stuffs the vote into the pot and sits down. Ada is up next. She scribbles out a name, and holds up the card.

"Annette I've been meaning to get rid of you for a while, just never got around to it till now."

Ada smiles and sits down. Hunk is up next. He writes down a name and holds up the card.

"Marcus, you and those _BEEPING _leeches have to go! They've already cost us two immunity challenges!!"

He drops the card into the jar, and sits down. Alfred then sorta saunters his way up to the jar, and scribbles out two names.

"Nemmy for hitting on my precious sister you must be eliminated. Alexia for being dumb enough to go out with that walking hulk of bio-engineering you must be eliminated."

He drops the card into the jar and skips back to his seat. Morpheus is up next. It writes out a name and holds up the card.

"Nemmy, you are just so wrong going out with that blonde bimbo…for your mistakes you must be punished."

It gives it's hair a flip, drops the card into the jar, and sits down. Annette is up next. She writes out a name and holds up the card.

"Marcus I am sick unto death of hearing about your damn Progenitor virus and your stupid leeches. You are almost more annoying than William!"

She tosses the card into the pot and stomps back to her seat. Marcus is the last tribe member to vote. He scribbles out a name and holds up the card.

"I'm still a bit pissed about your husband killing me and all. Sorry Annette but since he already got voted off, I have to take my revenge out on you."

He smiles weakly, drops the card into the pot, and takes his seat. Wesker nods, and goes off to get the pot. He totes it back to his little table and opens the lid.

"Alright whoever got voted off, prepare for a trip over the railing." He then starts pulling out the cards.

"Annette"

…two…

"Marcus"

…three…

"Nemmy"

…four…

"Nemmy and Alexia. That's two votes for Nemmy. In fact that's two votes on one card. Gee I just wonder who that could have been??"

Everyone turns around to stare at Alfred. Alfred giggled nervously then turned to look at some rather interesting vegetation growing near the council area. Wesker smirked at Alfred's apparent discomfort then went back to reading the votes.

…five…

"Marcus. Two votes Marcus, two votes Nemmy."

…six…

"Annette"

…seven…

"Annette. Three votes Annette."

…final vote…

"Alfred. Well Annette you are the newest person voted off of Survivor. Please bring me your torch."

Annette doesn't say a word as she brings the torch up. Wesker smiles evilly as he extinguishes the flame. Annette smiles back, reaches into her bag, and brandishes a large…bottle of purple hair dye.

"Stay away from me you arrogant bio-enhanced bastard!!" She shakes the bottle up and points the nozzle toward him. "Lay one finger on me and I'll mess your hair up!!"

Now Wesker did in fact seemed a bit worried about this predicament. I mean he simply couldn't be properly evil without his trademark blonde hair, now could he? On the other hand if he didn't toss her over he wouldn't get a pay check. So Wesker bravely advanced and grabbed Annette. You could almost accuse him of looking stoic…I know it's a stretch but work with me here.

Annette, true to her word, proceeded to squirt the entire bottle of dye into his hair before Wesker managed to fling her over the railing.

"It's permanent!! Takes months to get out!" Was her echoing scream as she landed in the tree with everyone else.

The rest of the Umbrella tribe made a hasty retreat before Wesker got a good look at his new hairstyle. There was no telling what he might do, once he saw it. Though many of them suspected a homicidal rampage was in order.

In The Tree

Alex yawned loudly from her perch several branches above everyone else. Annette fell into the tree three seconds later, damn near knocking Claire off of her own branch.

"Hi Honey!" Birkin was smiling like a moron.

"Oh God." Annette moaned, moving a bit closer to Leon.

"Hey what was all the shouting about up there?" Chris asked from his branch above Alex.

"Oh, well I sorta gave Wesker a dye job."

"You dyed his hair?"

Everyone in the tree looked dumbstruck. Annette nodded, holding up the empty bottle. Alex rolled over and eyed the bottle.

"Purple huh? Well I suppose Albert can just pretend he's still in that band."

"What band?"

Echoed by everyone in the tree. Everyone except Birkin, who was making various motions for Alex to shut up.

"Oh the _Umbrella Four, _played bass guitar and lead vocal." Alex sighed turning back over. "Let's see here, Marcus, Vincent, Albert, and…William."

"You were in a band?" Annette looked shocked.

"Yea, drums." Birkin blushed then proceeded to take a great interest in the surrounding foliage.

**

* * *

Next Time on Survivor… **

More senseless yet incredibly funny violence…

A reward challenge…

One Alliance breaks and a new one is born…

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* * *

A/N: Before I get flamed, let me just state that one of the reviewers contacted me and changed their vote. That is how Annette got voted off. Thank you…


	14. Day Whatever subtitled Pink is in

A/N: Sorry for the long delays. I **_HATE_** writer's block…don't you??

Umbrella Camp

As soon as the tribe hit the camp, Alfred disappeared. Not a big surprise there considering that he'd just voted for both his sister and Nemesis. In all honesty he was probably more scared of Alexia than Nemmy. So while Nemmy went crashing through the tress trying to find him, everyone else discussed the next immunity challenge.

"He's going to try to kill us, you know that don't you?" Ada sighed, pushing one of Marcus' leeches away. "I think Annette planned it."

"Well duh." Morpheus rolled it's eyes. "Like she was carrying around a bottle of hair dye for the sheer joy of it."

Ada glared at Morpheus, if looks could kill our little female tyrant would be toast. Marcus was ignoring the entire discussion and playing with his precious leeches. Hunk was also ignoring the conversation while trying to come up with a plan to _kill _Marcus' leeches. All in all, it would appear that our Umbrella tribe is getting along as well as can be expected considering they're all evil crazy people and in some cases bio-enhanced freaks of nature.

S.T.A.R.S. Camp

Things at the S.T.AR.S. camp are just starting to become interesting this morning. In fact it appears a change of alliances it about occur.

"It's all your fault!!" Alyssa was standing near the campfire, fists on her hips. "_You_ were the one that was supposed to make sure the fire didn't go out!"

Yoko sat by the now extinguished fire and looked on the verge of tears. Everyone else was staring nervously at one another and wondering why Alyssa had suddenly decided to snap. Jill suspected she might have been chewing on some of the local shrubbery.

"Well, what do you have to say for yourself?!"

Yoko said nothing, merely sat there looking forlorn and ready to cry. Alyssa threw her hands up in disgust.

"I swear Yoko, you're about useless!"

"Hey!"

Everyone spun around and were surprised to see Brad emerge from the tree line with an arm load of firewood. But what was most surprising was that he actually looked mad.

"There's no reason to say things like that." Brad dropped the wood next to the fire. "I mean geez Alyssa you're more worthless than Yoko is."

The camp fell silent, well except for the audible _plop_ of Alyssa's jaw hitting the ground. Brad smiled sheepishly then started rebuilding the fire, with Yoko's help. Carlos glanced at Jill and winked. It seems a new alliance has been built…

On the beach…

Wesker stood on the beach, nervously tugging at the Green Bay Packer baseball cap on his head. Despite dragging in four separate hair stylists the night before, nothing could be done to remove the purple hair dye. In fact they had only managed to make things infinitely worse.

Wesker growled to himself, still trying to adjust the baseball cap. He may not be able to get his revenge on Annette but he'd still be able to take his frustrations out on the reaming Survivors. An evil smile formed on his face as he thought about the evil immunity challenge he had planned for them. In fact when the two tribes walked out of the tree line to congregate on the beach they found Wesker in a state of _pure-evil-bliss._

**__**

Pure-evil-bliss _-- verb -- To be in a state of evilness so complete that it is impossible not laugh manically while imagining the death of your enemies and being totally oblivious to your surroundings. People can remain in this state for days, months, even years. People suffering from such effects are often referred to as **Treacherous Bastards**._

After several minutes of maniacal laughter Wesker finally managed to pull himself together. He cleared his throat and turned his attention to the matters at hand.

"Welcome to your next immunity challenge. However this is no ordinary immunity challenge, this is also a reward challenge."

There was a brief murmur of excitement among the tribes. This would be the first reward challenge of the game. During this brief respite, Wesker noticed Yoko hanging off of Brad's arm. He found this sight to be quite interesting and puzzling. It would appear there was trouble in paradise among the outbreak people. He grinned again, imagining all the pain Alyssa would be going through…

Meanwhile in the Tree…

Chris scouted as far out to the end of the branch as he could manage, a makeshift pair of binoculars in his hand. It was truly amazing the things people could make out of coconuts, and here he'd thought that William was completely worthless.

"He's on the beach alright. Ah damn he's wearing a hat."

Alex was two branches above him. "Oh it must be bad then. However I think I can take out the hat."

Chris raised an eyebrow as an audible _click_ sounded above him. He had the distinct impression Wesker's day was about to get really, really bad…

Back on the beach…

"That's right, the winning tribe receives immunity and this." Wesker stepped aside and gestured to a table behind him. "Seven large pizzas, two cases of Coke, and two cases of beer."

You could cut the tension with a knife. The two tribes stared at each other with hate and malice. Wesker was fairly certain at least one person would have to be cared back to the campsite on a stretcher. He grinned yet again, imagining all the pain and suffering that way about to shortly occur, however that thought was about to be interrupted…

**__**

KA-BLAM…

Wesker's cap flew off his head and came fluttering to the ground, a large bullet hole in it's center. There was exactly four seconds of silence then…everyone burst out laughing including our poor outcasts in the tree. It would seem that the four hair stylists had only succeeded in turning Wesker's hair pink, instead of getting the purple out.

"It's not funny!"

Wesker was turning all shades of red, but it didn't diminish the laughter in the slightest. Jill was hanging on Carlos, tears streaming down her face. Billy was laughing so hard that he was clutching his sides. Alfred and Ada were both sitting on the ground, laughing like a couple of hyenas. Alex had laughed so hard, she'd fallen off the branch and landed in Chris' lap. All in all everyone was getting fantastic enjoyment at Wesker's expense, not a really bright thing to do when you think about it.

"Oh you're going to think it's funny." Wesker growled, running his fingers through his hair. "Just wait till you see the immunity challenge!"

This sobered everyone pretty quick, everyone that is except the people in the tree. Wesker frowned, glancing behind him as the laughter continued. He could just make out Alex, sitting in Chris' lap, laughing, and clutching her magnum. His eyes narrowed a bit at this, though whether he was mad that it had been Alex who had shot his hat off or that she was sitting in his enemy's lap was a matter of opinion.

"I'll deal with them later, first things first." Wesker turned back to the two tribes and cleared his throat. "This particular challenge is going to test your teamwork skills, endurance, and combat skills. Come with me."

The tribes reluctantly followed Wesker down the beach. When they arrived at their destination they all stood shocked and scared. The challenge looked more like some kind of elaborate torture device than an immunity challenge.

Several yards out from the beach was a massive platform with two large poles. Each pole held six flags, red for the Umbrella tribe and blue for the S.T.A.R.S. tribe. But it was what was between the platform and the beach that was worrying everyone. First there were two large blades, roughly 2 feet apart, swinging back and forth over a long plank, past the plank was six foot gap with some kind of harness system running above it, past the gap was a log slowly turning in place, and finally a long platform full of burning hot coals. To make everything fair, there was actually two sets of everything so the two tribes could transverse the course without being in each other's way.

The two tribes turned to one another, perhaps figuring this was the last time they would see each other still in one piece.

"I'm glad to see my warped ideas frighten you." Wesker grinned, despite the echoing laughter from the tree. "Now, for the rules. The goal of this challenge is very simple, retrieve six flags from the center of the platform and bring them back to the two flag poles. Each person must retrieve one flag and run it up the pole. First you must dodge the blades, then use the harness to get across the gap, then run along the log without falling off, and finally get across the coals. Once you retrieve the flag, you need only make a return trip, hoist the flag, and tag a tribe mate. Oh and for those of you endowed with special bio-enhanced powers such as electricity and fire, no using them. And by the way don't fall in the water."

"Uh, why?" Brad looked ready to throw up.

"Well I'm sure you'd make a tasty snack for Neptune."

There was a loud splash as Neptune stuck it's head out of the water. Brad fainted.

"Oh and do watch the T-Virus bats and moths flying around." Wesker's grin widened as several people looked ready to cut and run…in the other direction. "Is everybody ready?"

"Wait! How do we know which tribe mate goes first?" Yoko asked, still trying to revive Brad.

"Oh well that's the fun part, you get to argue amongst yourselves. GO!"

There was a ten minute fist fight on the Umbrella side, before they finally shoved Alfred toward the planks. On the S.T.A.R.S. side there was a unanimous vote that Billy should go first, of course the vote was greatly helped by Rebecca's whip. Wesker grabbed his lawn chair and beer and waited for the fireworks…

__

(Due to the fact that this particular chapter would become quite lengthy if I did each individual person I will now perform an act of sheer evilness and use lots of sound effects and screaming…thank you.)

"AHHHHHHHH!!!"

****

SPLASH…GURGGLE…GURGGLE

"OH SHIT, OH SHIT, OH SHIT!!"

"There's a bat in my hair!"

"My life is flashing before my eyes…boy it's kinda boring too…"

"starrsss!!!"

****

SWISH

"AHHHHH…MY HAIR!!"

"Um, I'm kinda stuck in this harness thing here…"

"Ahh! LEECHY NOOOOOOO!"

"Oh the pain, oh the humanity!"

****

THE SOUND OF INSANLY ANNOYING CRYING

"How dare you touch me! Take that! HO HO HO!!"

EVIL LAUGHTER FROM WESKER

"I don't wanna die!"

"I'm too evil to die!"

"I'm too young to die!"

"I'm still a virgin!"

****

LOOOOONG SILENCE

Several minutes later…

Yoko staggers onto the beach, a bat attached to her head and hangs the S.T.A.R.S. tribe's last flag. Meanwhile Nemmy is still trying to get out of the water with Neptune attached to his leg. Everyone else looks like they've just stormed the beach at Normandy.

Billy is unconscious, with several bat scratches and a massive bite mark in his chest. Carlos is sitting by himself and rocking back and forth crying. Brad actually looks pretty good considering that a giant moth has taken up residence on his back. Jill still trying to get a bat off of her foot. Rebecca is staring forlornly at her broken whip. Alyssa is bleeding profusely from a bite on her leg and is mumbling to herself.

The Umbrella team didn't seem to fair any better. Marcus is crying on Morpheus' shoulder about his lose of one of his leeches to that evil Neptune. Morpheus is nodding and patting his back, sporting two black eyes from a double bat attack. Hunk is secretly enjoying Marcus' pain while he attempts to dislodge a mother from his arm. Alfred has gone into shock and is lying on the ground in a fetal position sucking his thumb. Alexia is crying like a two year old and now sports a much, much shorter hair cut. Ada is trying to recover from getting tangled up in the harness and has numerous rope burns.

"Well then it seems that the Umbrella tribe will be coming to tribal council again. S.T.A.R.S. tribe you may take your pizzas, soda, beer, and go."

The S.T.A.R.S. tribe collects their companions and food then somehow drags themselves back to camp. The Umbrella tribe does the same, with Nemmy bringing up the rear dragging the comatose Alfred by the foot and the dead Neptune by the tail.

Meanwhile in the tree…

After finally containing themselves the outcast survivors are having dinner, coconuts of course and some bananas.

"Oh man Alex that was great!" Leon stares at her a bit um, lovingly. "You're awesome!"

Suddenly, before Claire can slap the shit out of him and Alex can respond to the comment, several bats and moths attack!

"AHHHHHHH!!!!"

Birkin attempts to run around like an idiot but only manages to knock Annette out of the tree. Luckily Nicholai is able to grab her. Meanwhile Alex is being protected by Leon and Chris, leaving Claire to fend for herself. By the way, she isn't very happy about it either.

On the ground Wesker stares up into the tree grinning like a shark.

"That'll teach you to laugh at me."

****

Next Time on Survivor…

Who will be voted off??

A/N: It's that time again. Who on the Umbrella tribe has to go??


	15. Tribal Council 7

A/N: The readers have spoken…

Also things are going to get a bit weirder than usual…I may be giving you guys strange nightmares, you have been warned…

**

* * *

Umbrella Camp**

Yea, it's that time again. Once more the remaining Umbrella tribe members must search their hearts in order to decide who must be eliminated from the running…yea right. You know as well I as I do that all they manage to do every tribal council is back stab someone or use the votes as an excuse for vengeance. Hell half the time someone, usually Alfred, votes twice. I mean the voting on this tribe is never honest. Not to mention…

But I digress.

As per the usual Alexia and Nemmy are off by themselves doing God knows what. Trust me you really don't want to know what they're up to, but I can tell you it has nothing to do with tonight's tribal council. Alfred is sitting in the bushes still hiding from Nemmy. Hunk is nowhere to be found at the moment and neither is Ada. Marcus and Morpheus are exchanging fashion tips at the moment.

For all intents and purposes it appears that no one is concerned with tonight's vote. However our intrepid and slightly crazy cameraman still has a job to do and will now systematically corner each tribe member to get their thoughts, strange as they may be…

"Well, I'm still trying to get Alfred off." Morpheus flips it's hair back. "I mean the poor thing is just so tormented right now. Unlike our evil host I do not enjoy that sort of spectacle. Deviant sexual acts involving gophers is more my sorta thing."

After a brief moment of shock, the camera man slowly backs away. The poor guy will be tormented with very graphic visual images for at least a month thanks to the white haired freak. After taking a few minutes to collect his thoughts he braves the dangers of another strange sexual fantasy and corners someone else.

"I don't like that Hunk person." Marcus' eyes are all red and puffy from crying over his dead leech. "I mean he wanted to kill one of my precious babies and he laughed when poor little Magnus got eaten by that awful shark!"

The camera man shakes his head and finally locates Alfred's hiding spot, Marcus' sobs still echo in the distance…

"I'm all alone now. Nemmy and Alexia have to go, if I don't get them first…" Alfred looks around nervously, rocking back and forth like some kind of mental patient, and suddenly lunges forward grabbing the cameraman by the front of the shirt. "They're crazy! They'd like cook me up and eat me for lunch or string me up by my ankles and beat me with wet noodles!!!"

In an act of desperation the cameraman grabs the only thing he can find and bashes Alfred in the head with a coconut. As our little blonde freak falls to the ground unconscious, the cameraman takes off through the brush. Unfortunately for the sanity of our poor cameraman he accidentally stumbles onto Nemmy and Alexia.

"OH GOD…I'M BLIND!!"

Fortunately for the viewing audience he drops the camera while attempting to claw his eyes out. As he stumbles blindly off into the undergrowth, Nemmy and Alexia resume their extracurricular activities…trust me you DO NOT want any details.

Tribal Council Area

Wesker runs a hand through his newly dyed hair. The producers decided that they couldn't leave his hair pink, it simply didn't fit with his evilness. So in an effort to restore our host's usual _bastard persona_ they called in five of the best Hollywood stylists money could buy. After four hours the best they could do was to dye over the pink. Unfortunately their wasn't any blonde dye strong enough for the job. Wesker is now sporting a mass of red hair and a new haircut. Apparently the stylists decided his haircut was too outdated. He's sorta got that whole Ben Afflack look from Daredevil going on now.

His fan base has increased by three hundred people in the two minutes he's been on camera.

As Wesker thinks about what kind of strange tortures he can inflict upon the tribes in the next immunity challenge, the Umbrella tribe shows up. Immediately Wesker smirks at the state of poor Alfred. The strain of Nemmy and Alexia's relationship is taking it's toll. Wesker almost feels sorry for the poor freak, especially since Alfred's now giggling uncontrollably and has developed a nervous twitch in his left eye. Then again this does present more tormenting opportunities for Wesker's repertoire.

"Well how goes things at camp?"

"Oh simply wonderful." Alexia croons, grinning at Nemmy.

"I wanna go home." Marcus mumbles cuddling one of his leeches.

"I like chicken!"

Alfred's outburst it quickly followed by a loud slap from Morpheus. Maybe the cameraman hit him a little too hard with that coconut.

"Ah…yea. Ok my little victims you may now go and crush the hopes of some unlucky contestant."

Ada is the first to vote. She struts over to the pot and scribbles out two ballots. Both of them have the same name on them.

"I'm sorry Hunk, but you have outlived your usefulness."

Ada smiles at the camera and takes her seat. Hunk is next. He walks calmly over to the pot and he two scribbles out two ballots.

"In an effort to eliminate the two people who most threaten my chances I must now break my honor code and vote twice. Ada you have outlived your usefulness. Marcus…well you're not a real threat on your own, but those _(beeping)_ leeches are a pain in the ass."

Hunk takes his seat. Alfred jumps to his feet and skips over to the pot, humming to himself. He scribbles out two ballots and holds them up, one in each hand.

"Alexia, my beautiful and infinitely intelligent sibling, your tryst with Nemmy must come to end before you can reproduce. Nemmy…well besides corrupting my sister you're scary and want to kill me. Sorry."

Alfred skips back to his seat, smiling like an idiot, and mumbling something about Canadian bacon really being ham. Morpheus shakes it's head as it walks to the voting pot. It scribbles out a name and holds up the card.

"Alfred, honey, you need some professional help or at the very least some very strong medication."

Morpheus takes it's seat. Marcus is next, toting along his leech. He scribbles out a name and holds up the card.

"Hunk you made fun of poor Magnus when he got eaten and you have no respect for my babies…" Suddenly, Marcus shows a tremendous amount of manliness one would not expect from a dress wearing, opera singing, leech lover. "I HOPE YOU DIE A HORRIBLE AGONIZING DEATH INVOLVING SNAKES AND BEARS AND HUNTERS AND…."

Meanwhile…in the tree…

"Sounds like Marcus has finally snapped." Chris stares up through the trees toward the council area. "I wonder what happened."

"Maybe Hunk finally killed one of his _babies_." Claire puts the final touches on their dinner. "The bats are ready!"

"Finally something other than bananas and coconuts."

Leon snags one of the bats off the fire. Good thing they have Birkin around. Besides being able to make binoculars out of coconuts, he's also quite handy at making barbecue pits out of palm leaves, dry twigs, and some left over banana peels. Yea it's strange, but work with me here.

"Lucky for you I have my gun with me." Alex says from several branches up. "Though I'm running short on ammo."

Yes indeedy it was our brave Alex who eliminated the bat/crow threat. Good thing too considering everyone else was either cowering in fear or in the process of being eaten alive. In fact poor Nicholai is still nursing several crow peck injuries on his back and head.

Back to the voting…

After ranting for another ten minutes about the various creatures, real and in some cases imaginary, that Marcus hopes kill Hunk he finally takes his seat. Alexia is the next to vote. She scribbles out a name and holds up the card.

"I'm sorry Hunk, but you have outlived your usefulness. Not to mention that you are just way too good at the immunity challenges and that's going to be a bad thing for me once the two tribes combine."

She smiles sweetly and takes her seat. Nemmy is the final survivor to make his vote. He scribbles out the name and holds up the card.

"Hunk old boy, you are simply too good at immunity challenges."

After Nemmy takes his seat, Wesker hurries off to collect the jar. He returns a few seconds later and grins widely.

"And here we go…Nemmy…one vote Nemmy…"

…card number two…

"Ada"

…card number three…

"Hunk"

…card number four…

"Hunk…Christ can't you people vote for the same person twice!"

…card number five…

"Hunk…two votes Hunk."

…card number six…

"Alexia"

…card number seven…

"Marcus"

…card number eight…

"Hunk…three votes Hunk." Wesker frowns, glancing into the pot. "Ah bloody hell some of you double voted, didn't you?! Damn Umbrella tribe, ya sneaky bastards."

…card number nine…

"Alfred"

…card number ten…

"Hunk…four votes Hunk." Wesker glances into the pot again, relieved that there are not more votes. "Hunk, you are seventh person voted off the island, please bring me your torch."

Hunk stands, grabs his torch, and walks calmly over to Wesker. Wesker puts the torch out and cracks his knuckles loudly, preparing to perform the favorite part of this whole hosting gig. But before he can grab Hunk, Hunk pulls something out of his tactical vest and holds it directly under Wesker's nose. Wesker's eyes cross as he stares at the object in Hunk's hand. Finally he realizes what it is and lets out a high pitched scream of terror.

"AHHHH!! OH GOD GET IT AWAY FROM ME!!"

Then in a display of cowardice, one would usual attribute to Brad, he runs around in circles waving his arms around wildly. Hunk smirks still holding the offending object, it would appear our industrious Umbrella operative has finally discovered Wesker's one weakness. Unfortunately for him, Wesker is several times stronger and faster than him and is now running around uncontrollably. In an awesome display of stupidity, again something you would attribute to Brad, Wesker runs right into a nearby post snapping it in half. The broken post then slams into Hunk and knocks him over the railing to land in the tree with everyone else. Wesker finally breaths a sigh of relief and promptly faints.

"Did anyone see what he was holding?" Ada whispers to Marcus.

"No clue, happened too fast."

The Umbrella tribe sighs and proceed to exit the council area. Each of them gives the unconscious Wesker a good kick in the ribs as they leave…

In The Tree

Hunks hits several branches on his way down and finally lands in Birkin's lap. Birkin lets out a blood curdling scream and scrambles behind Nicholai.

"What was all the screaming about?" Nicholai asks, tactfully ignoring the sniffles from Birkin.

"I finally discovered Wesker's one weakness. Unfortunately I didn't take into account his reaction." Hunk sighed. "I didn't think he have a full on Brad-like freak out."

"You know his weakness??!!" The entire tree, except Alex, asks looking stunned.

Hunk nods pulling the object, that sent Wesker into his mindless cowardice, out of his vest…

"That's…a mouse!" Chris is now in complete disbelief. "A man that can bench press a Buick is scared of a _(beeping) _mouse?!"

"So it would seem."

"Hell, I could have told you guys that." Alex looks down from her perch. "He's been scared of mice since his pet tarantula got eaten by one."

"A mouse ate his pet tarantula?" Annette looks skeptical. "I though mice were herbivores."

"It was rabid."

Now it's Claire's turn to look skeptical. "A rabid mouse?"

Alex shrugs. "Yea."

"Are you sure it was a mouse?" Leon too is skeptical…seems to be the theme at the moment.

"I saw it. Albie came running out of his room with the mouse chasing after him. Hell the mouse had one of Fluffy's legs hanging out of its mouth." Alex shook her head. "I managed to kill the damn thing with Dad's berretta. Albie cried for two days."

This explanation is met with blank stares from everyone in the tree. Chris is the first to comment.

"Let me get this straight. A _rabid mouse_ ate Wesker's pet tarantula Fluffy and you shot it with a berretta. That just does not sound possible."

Alex sighed. "Yea, a lot like Birkin's little invention. I mean come on a barbecue pit made out of twigs, palm leaves, and leftover banana peels. And let's not forget the binoculars made from coconuts."

"Point taken. I suppose it is possible." Chris ponders for a moment. "But don't you think using the berretta was a bit of overkill?"

"Well I was gonna use the shotgun but Albie was in the way. I mean I was only like five at the time, how did I know you're supposed to use like a broom or something to kill mice. Come to think of it, Mom was pretty pissed about the hole in the floor and the blood all over the carpet."

This statement is met with silence, after a few minutes Leon changes the subject…

**_

* * *

Next Time on Survivor…._ **

You guessed it, another immunity challenge…

Romance is in the air, in a very unexpected place…

An unexpected storm…

* * *

A/N: Me hope you enjoyed this chapter…which appears to be longer than most of my usual Survivor chapters… 


	16. Day whenever aka Guest Stars

A/N: I'm introducing some Team Biohazard members that you may have read about in CassSpaz's story _"Cora's Story"_. I thought I'd let you know in case you become slightly confused. Also go read that story! It be good on many, many, many, levels! Anyway back to the story…

****

Umbrella Camp

Our intrepid evildoers trudge back to camp, feeling quite proud of themselves on various levels. Not only did they get rid of Hunk, but they got to kick an unconscious Wesker. A memory they will each cherish for years to come.

Anyway…

Nemmy and Alexia move into the brush to perform their regular _'extracurricular activities'_. Marcus, it seems, has finally gotten over the lose of his precious leech. Consequently he and Morpheus are having a pleasant conversation about gophers. Alfred has gone back into hiding and, again, Ada has disappeared.

However we soon spot Ada in the brush nearby, collecting firewood. As she heads back to camp she stumbles over Alfred, dropping her armload of wood right on his head.

"Geez Alfred, find a new place to hide!" She kneels down and starts picking up the wood. "Besides Nemmy and Alexia are _busy _at the moment so I suspect you're safe for now."

This news only causes Alfred to break into tears again. Ada rolls her eyes, still trying to pick up the scattered wood. Without warning Alfred lunges forward, wraps his arms around Ada's waist , and buries his head in her bosom.

"Nobody loves me!" His wails of pain are slightly muffled due to Ada's rather…err…_large assets…_

"Now…ah…that's not true." Ada pats his back awkwardly.

"Yes it is." He mumbles, then lifts his head to look her in the eye. "You wouldn't date Nemmy, would you?"

"Me? Oh, hell no. I mean, he's an eight foot B.O.W. with tentacles coming out of his back. I'm kinky but not that damn kinky."

"See and you're properly evil too, and smart, and pretty…" Alfred sighs and buries his head again, crying. "I want someone like that!!"

Ada now starts to feel something rather strange and her heart grows at least half a size in that moment. She rubs his back a bit and pets…repeat…PETS his head. It seems romance is blossoming in the weirdest places on this island…

****

S.T.A.R.S. Camp…next morning…

Our intrepid heroes, or in some cases hero wannabes, wake up to find their camp almost under water. Jill and Carlos quickly erect a make shift shelter over the fire, while Billy and Rebecca build a damn to keep it from getting flooded. Apparently a storm has moved in over night. The rain continues to pour , the wind blows ferociously, and lightening streaks across the sky as the tribe attempts to save their camp.

"This contest keeps getting worse and worse." Yoko mumbles, attempting to move their food supply to higher ground. "Has anyone seen Brad?"

"I think he was trying to salvage the spears." Alyssa yells, grabbing clothes in an attempt to keep them from floating away.

"HELP!! I'M SINKING!!!"

The tribe runs toward the screaming voice, to find Brad waist deep in sand. It would appear the Brad has discovered some quicksand. Working together it takes the tribe a good ten minutes to pull him out.

"I hate this island." He moans, wiping sand off his pants. "I really do."

****

In the tree…

Our poor castaways are faring only slightly better. At least the rising water has drowned the four zombies that had been hanging around the base of the tree. Chris and Alex are huddled under some palm leaves. Birkin and Annette have constructed a makeshift shelter from some nearby twigs. Leon and Claire are huddled under Leon's jacket. Nicholai is hunched in a ball with his shirt held over his head. Hunk, being prepared as always, is sitting comfortably under an Umbrella.

"I hate this island."

The castaways say in perfect unison…

****

On the beach…

Wesker finds himself standing in the pouring rain, as the producers of the show have neglected to give him any kind of rain gear, in an exceptionally pissy mood. If the whole mouse incident hadn't been bad enough he was also in extreme amounts of pain from several broken ribs. Because of this he had come up with an extremely vindictive and evil immunity challenge for today.

Several seconds later the two tribes slosh their way onto the beach, also soaked to the bone. Wesker smiles at their discomfort and attempts an evil laugh but his poor bandaged ribs simply won't allow it. He settles for a smug snort instead and turns his attention to the matter at hand.

"Well tribes, lovely weather we're having today. How are things going?"

"Our camp is under water." Rebecca grimaces. "And I think most of our clothes floated away."

"I got stuck in some sand." Brad then breaks down crying and Yoko attempts to console him.

"Our fire is out." Morpheus shrugs. "Also, I think several of Marcus' leeches are missing."

Marcus glances around nervously and looks ready to have a nervous breakdown. This seems to lighten Wesker's mood slightly, though he is confused as to why Ada is holding Alfred's hand. He shakes his head, quickly ridding it of several strange images and clears his throat.

"I have a special immunity challenge planned for today."

This news is met with the usual groans, moans, whispered threats, and fainting spells. Wesker gives the tribe two minutes to collect themselves and pushes on with his hostly duties.

"First of all the immunity totem if you please." He holds his hand out to the S.T.A.R.S. tribe.

Jill digs around in her pocket, pulls out the sunglasses, and hands them to Wesker. "You might…"

Wesker snatches the glasses out of her hand before she has a chance to finish. As he does, one of the bows falls off and a lens pops out. He stares at the now broken and badly mangled glasses.

"Good going Wes…you broke them." Alyssa snaps, hands on hips.

Wesker looks up, so ready to kill her it isn't even funny, but he restrains himself. He pockets what's left of the glasses and motions the tribes to follow them. After walking several yards the tribes spot the location of their next immunity challenge. The area is covered with boulders, small trees, and a few small wooden walls. There also appears to be some quicksand, a bed of coals, and a small moat with very ferocious looking fish swimming around in it. On the farthest side of the obstacles stands two poles at the top of which is a bell.

It should be mentioned that the two tribes are currently watching their lives pass before their eyes.

"Now then all you have to do is weave through the obstacles, cross the quicksand, cross the hot coals, swim the moat, and finally ring the bell on your tribe's pole. All you have to do is have three tribe members ring the bell in order to win. You bio-enhanced freaks can't use your abilities either. Simple."

"I know we've asked this before, but I'm going to ask again." Carlos takes a deep breath. "What's the catch?"

"Oh yes, _the catch_." Wesker smirks evilly and gives a sharp whistle.

Four armed men and women step out of the tree line. The man in front, obviously the leader, is dressed in a black U.B.C.S. like uniform and is carrying several guns and what looks to be a sword on his back. The man to his right is white haired, sporting a long red jacket, is also heavily armed, and carrying a sword. The woman standing to the man in front's left is thin and petite. She's obviously Hispanic and carrying a sniper rifle and has several dozen knives hidden in various places. The last woman is standing toward the back of the group and appears to be the least armed. She has long black hair, a pale complexion, and has a long scar across her neck. Her only weapons appear to be two 9mm Berettas, both in shoulder rigs, and a laptop computer.

"I'd like you to meet Team Biohazard. Umbrella's top U.S.F. team. That would be _Umbrella Special Forces_ for you people too dumb to figure it out on your own." Wesker smirks as several of the tribes members mumble obscenities under their breath. "The man out front is Scythe."

Scythe gives a sharp nod, grinning like a man half crazed.

"The guy to his right is Foxx."

Foxx nods as well, gracing the tribes with a stony expression.

"The Hispanic Chick is Cora."

Cora give a jaunty wave smiling happily. This appears to creep some tribe members out.

"The pale chick with the scar is Pandora."

Pandora snorts and lights a cigarette.

"Now then Team Biohazard is here to give you guys a bit of a challenge. They will be attacking you as you travel through the obstacles. Don't worry I don't think they'll be using live ammunition and they promised not to kill you." Wesker grins as both tribes turn a pasty shade of white. "Now then who on the S.T.A.R.S. tribe will be sitting this immunity challenge out?"

Much screaming and several fist fights later…Rebecca sits smugly next to Wesker and his lawn chair. It should be noted the entire S.T.A.R.S. tribe will be attempting to dispose of her whip after the immunity challenge is over.

"Ready…set…GO!" Wesker cracks open a beer and waits for the screaming.

After looking skyward and saying a short prayer the two tribes plunge into the obstacle course. Alyssa is the first one taken out. Somehow she stumbled into Foxx's hiding place and was knocked out cold with the hilt of his sword. It is now apparent to the two tribes that they must be extra careful…especially since Cora has found an interesting snipping position and is now raining down bullets and throwing knives upon our poor contestants.

Ada and Alfred make it to the bed of coals relatively intact. Billy is pinned down behind a boulder. Scythe has eliminated Carlos with a well placed boot heel to the face. Morpheus is attempting to hop it's way across the coal bed. Marcus fainted upon coming face to face with Pandora. Nemmy is carrying Alexia across the quicksand. Yoko is dragging an unconscious Brad along behind her as she tries to zig zag through the boulders and trees. Somehow Jill is already swimming her way toward the bell.

"Hey Pandora!" Scythe yells, while stalking Yoko.

"What?" Pandora's gravely voice sounds board.

"What the hell did you bring that computer for? There isn't any damn control room for you to hack into this time."

There is a loud _SMACK_ as Pandora knocks Billy up side the head with her laptop. The poor slob falls over unconscious.

"It's a dangerous weapon in the hands of an expert." She smirks and heads off to reek more havoc upon some unsuspecting victim.

In the meantime Alexia and Jill both ring their tribe's bells. There is no sign of Nemmy as he has apparently sunk to the bottom of the quicksand. Morpheus finally swims through the water and makes it to the pole, badly fish bitten but alive, and rings the bell. Unfortunately Yoko zigged when she should have zagged and got nailed in the leg by a throwing knife from Cora.

"OMG!!! I'M BLEEDING!!"

"Opps…sorry!" Cora does sound genuinely sorry for injuring young Miss Yoko bodily harm.

However, Yoko's screams of pain finally awaken Brad who jumps into action…by running around in circles screaming. This sight of stupidity causes Team Biohazard to pause for a moment. During which Ada, Alfred, and Yoko make a run for the poles. Of course in Yoko's case, she's limping swiftly.

"Hey! They're getting away!!" Pandora yells, from her precarious position in the quicksand. "And someone get me out of here!"

And so…

Foxx dashes to Pandora's aide, Scythe takes off in hot pursuit, and Cora shifts positions to sight in on the escapees. Ada and Alfred reach the water in record time, however Scythe is only two steps behind them. In a feat so heroic, one would normally attribute it to Chris or perhaps Leon, Alfred grabs Ada and throws her into the water.

"I'll buy you some time!!"

Ada is stunned, speechless, and certainly wastes no time swimming toward the poles. Alfred spins around to face the oncoming Scythe with his most powerful weapon…

"Oh for the love of God!!" Scythe hops up and down, wiping at his mouth. "IT KISSED ME!!"

This particular outbursts stuns everyone, including Wesker who spits out a mouthful of beer right on Rebecca's head.

"Eww…yuck!"

As Rebecca attempts to wipe off the beer, Scythe attacks Alfred with a fury one could only describe as deranged and psychopathic. He reduces him to a puddle of whimpering _cross-dressing-psycho-freak _in a manner of seconds. At about the same time Ada reaches the pole and rings the bell.

"Contest over, Umbrella tribe wins!" Wesker gets out of the chair and hands Ada the mangles sunglasses. "S.T.A.R.S. tribe see you at tribal council."

The two tribes trudge collect their fallen comrades and move off in opposite directions. Ada quickly scoops what's left of Alfred into a bucket and coos over it as she hurries to catch up to her tribe mates. Wesker finds this site to be woefully unhealthy and quickly departs.

In the meantime Team Biohazard heads for their chopper. Scythe is now brushing his teeth.

"That was kinda fun." Pandora is still wiping sand off her pants.

"Speak for yourself." Scythe growls. "I'm never going to get the taste out of my mouth."

This statement causes the other three to stop and stare at him for several seconds.

"What?"

Cora is the first to ask. "He didn't like…you know…French you, did he?"

"NO! I can't believe you would think that! You people are sick!!"

Scythe then stomps off to the chopper. Pandora giggles slightly and pops open her laptop to display a large picture of Alfred kissing Scythe right on the lips, incidentally it also proves that Alfred DID NOT French kiss him. Later a web site will pop up …

**__**

Next Time on Survivor…

Who will be voted off?

A/N: Who on that S.T.A.R.S. team just has to go? Cast your votes!


	17. Tribal Council 8

OT: Sorry for the delay…it's been hectic around here lately…

****

S.T.A.R.S. Camp…

And so after patching up several of their comrades and reestablishing their camp on a bit higher ground, the S.T.A.R.S. tribe is now left with the unenviable task of voting someone off the island. Though it would appear that most everyone has already decided they want to vote for. But we still have to corner them and get their opinion, I mean it's our job. How else do you expect us to pay the rent?

And so in truest spirit of journalism our intrepid cameraman corners Carlos.

"Oh no question, man. That Alyssa chick has got to go. One, she keeps voting for me, two she bitches a lot, and let's not forget that she actually had the audacity to attempt and pick a fight with Wesker about those stupid sunglasses. The chick is nuts, not to mention…"

After ranting on for another five minutes Carlos goes hoarse and the cameraman is able to beat a hasty retreat. The next person he corners is Alyssa.

"Well I found out that the Umbrella team has been voting more than once. Since I feel it is in the best interests of the camp that Carlos and Yoko go…I'm voting for both of them."

After this mind numbing display of treachery, one would normally attribute to Wesker, the cameraman corners Yoko.

"I'm gonna do like Brad and vote for myself" Yoko then breaks down crying. "I wanna go home!"

And so our camera returns to passive mode as Yoko sobs and goes in search of Brad to cry on. Near the campfire the camera picks up and interesting scene between Billy and Rebecca. Apparently they are using the tried and try method of…rock/paper/scissors in or to decide out who to vote of next. Though I didn't know you could actually use rock/paper/scissors to do that…go figure…

****

Tribal Council Area…

Wesker, our evil yet incredibly handsome host, is still running on a high from the earlier immunity challenge. Apparently evilness is like crack for sadistic bastards, who knew? So he's smiling from ear to ear and actually humming a little tune to himself. This display does nothing to improve the moods of our poor outcasts in the tree, who are anxiously awaiting to see who is voted off next.

****

In The Tree…

"Oh man, this is bad." Alex is in one of the upper branches, using William's homemade binoculars.

"What could be worse than being drenched like a drowned rat?" Leon huddles a bit closer to Claire. "I mean, we're stuck in a tree, it's raining, and the entire area is flooded. How could things possibly get worse?"

"Albert is smiling _and _humming."

A universal shudder runs through each of the castaways.

"Yea, things could get worse."

Leon then breaks down crying, much to Claire's dismay…

****

Back at Tribal Council…

Wesker's smile broadens even further, if that is even possible, as the S.T.A.R.S. tribe steps in and takes their seats. Much like the castaways, the S.T.A.R.S. tribe is none too thrilled to see Wesker in this state. Brad actually goes so far as to faint. This only seems to make Wesker even happier, trust me this is really scary people…

"Now then let's vote and see who is the next one to visit the tree."

Alyssa is the fist to vote. She steps over Brad's prone body and walks to the jar. She quickly makes out two votes and holds them up.

"Carlos I still hate you. Yoko well you're a twit for liking Brad."

She drops the cards in and goes back to her seat. Billy is next, he scribbles out a name, and holds up the card.

"Well after six rounds of rock/paper/scissors I decided that you have to go to the tree Alyssa. Sorry, nothing personal."

Billy drops the card in and takes his seat. Rebecca is next.

"Sorry Alyssa but you know, rock/paper/scissors. Guess you're just unlucky."

Rebecca smiles brightly and takes her seat. Carlos is next. He quickly writes out three separate votes and holds them up.

"Alyssa I hate you with a passion, in fact words cannot even describe the fury of my hate for you. In fact I hate you more than Wesker hates Chris!! And furthermore…"

The show goes to commercial while Carlos continues his tirade. After the brief break we come back to find Carlos tied up and gagged in his seat. Wesker, it seems, had to take matters into his own hands. Which, incidentally, only made his day that much brighter. The smile is getting bigger folks, if Wesker gets to perform many more evil today the poor bastard might overdose.

So while Wesker continues his 'evil high', Jill goes up to vote. She quickly scribbles out a name and holds up the card.

"Sorry Alyssa but you are kinda worthless, besides Carlos threatened me with bodily harm if I didn't vote for you. He's been a tad stressed out lately."

Jill smiles and drops the card in the jar. Next up is Yoko. She scribbles out a name and holds up the card.

"I wanna go home."

She drops the card in the jar and heads back to her seat. By this time Brad has finally come around and just in time to vote too. He scribbles out a name and holds up the card.

"Bet you thought I was gonna vote for myself…not this time baby! Alyssa you keep picking on my little snookers Yoko. For that you must…DIE!! DIE A HORRIBLE EVIL AND HORRENDOUSLY PAINFUL DEATH YOU MANIACAL LITTLE TROLL OF A WOMAN YOU!!"

To say that everyone was surprised by this outburst would be an understatement. In fact Wesker actually edged a little to his right as Brad went back to his seat. It's strange what happens to a person when they are stranded on an island for so long. Next thing you know Jill will be dancing around in a thong singing show tunes or something.

"I will count the votes, once the survivor has been voted off they will promptly prepare to be thrown over the railing."

Wesker grins again, yea overdosing, and retrieves the voting jar.

"Yoko. One vote Yoko."

…two…

"Carlos."

…three…

"Yoko. Two votes Yoko."

…four…

"Alyssa."

…five…

"Alyssa. Two votes Alyssa."

…six…

"Alyssa. Three votes Alyssa."

…seven…

"Alyssa. Four votes Alyssa."

Wesker then peers into the jar and notices that there are at least three more votes in there. This development does not surprise him.

"Ok, I know several of you voted more than once. Do I need to read the last three votes?"

The tribe mates look at each other for a moment then all eyes turn to Alyssa.

"No." Is the universal reply.

"Alrighty then." Wesker's smile gets even brighter as he cracks his knuckles. "Bring me your torch Alyssa."

Alyssa stands up, glaring at everyone and carries her torch to Wesker. Wesker grins and in one fluid motion puts out the torch and tosses her over the railing.

"You guys can go back to camp now."

The remaining S.T.A.R.S. tribe beat a hasty retreat. That creepy smile of Wesker's is really starting to freak them out.

****

In The Tree…

Alyssa falls through the branches, knocking Alex off her perch in the process. Luckily for Alex Chris manages to catch her. Alyssa on the other hand does not come out as well and lands in Hunk's lap.

"Err…um…hi?"

She giggles a bit as Hunk stares at her with evil looking eyes. She quickly scrambles away and hides near Nicholai. Claire and Leon both glance at each other and groan, seems neither of them like Alyssa much. Alex is glaring at her with intense hate and plans to injure her severely at the next opportune moment. Hunk doesn't really give a damn. Birkin and Annette both figure if worse comes to worse, they can eat her. Nicholai is just happy for someone to sit next to him so he can absorb some body heat. Chris…well Chris is just happy Alex is currently sitting in his arms.

And so the circle of…err…_stuff…_continues…

**__**

Next Time On Survivor…

It's still raining…

A heroic rescue…

Another immunity challenge…

More pain and suffering for the contestants…


	18. Vicadin High

****

S.T.A.R.S. Camp…

The entire tribe pranced back to the camp. Well part of the time they had to swim thanks to the ever growing flood waters, but other than that is was a pleasant journey. Once back they prepared a nice meal and had one hell of a party. Halfway through Carlos flitted around the fire in a thong singing show tunes and declaring to all within listening distance that his life has much improved with the sadistic bitch gone. This display only causes Billy and Jill to go running off into the trees to be sick, the cameraman breaks down crying, and Yoko falls into a stunned coma. Thankfully the display is put to an end by a very brave Brad and Rebecca's whip…

****

Umbrella Camp…Next morning…

Things at the Umbrella camp appear to be running as smoothly as usual, apart from the occasional whimper of grief from Marcus. Some of his leeches have disappeared and two others have washed up in camp apparently drowned.

"Now, now Marcus it's alright." Morpheus pats Marcus on the back, trying to console him. "I'm sure they're in a better place now."

"IT'S NOT FAIR!" Marcus continues to cry. "MY POOR BABIES!"

While Marcus continues with his "Five steps of Grief" Ada and Alfred are sitting near the camp fire discussing women's fashions.

"Ada, the whole leggings and dress thing." Alfred shakes his head. "It's just not right. Now like a pretty flowered china doll dress would look simply beautiful on you."

Ada is taking down notes and beaming at Alfred with a look of love and adoration. It's really quite sickening when you think about it. Alexia and Nemmy are in the bushes…again…like that is really any surprise.

****

On the Beach…

Wesker stands amidst the knee high water that covers the beach and looks particularly bad this morning. He must be coming off his evil high, that is the only explanation for his lack of usual evil bliss. I mean the immunity challenge is coming up in just a few short minutes and he is displaying none of his usual evil grins or insane laughter.

The tribes slosh their way onto the beach and are also quite dismayed by the state of our host. Though secretly most of them are hoping the reason for his current mood is because the show cancelled the immunity challenge due to the rising water.

"Due to the rising water our immunity challenge has been cancelled."

Wesker sighs heavily and looks ready to cry. And the two tribes erupt into a display of happiness that greatly resembles a drunken frat party. Carlos is running around in his thong again. Brad is dancing around with Yoko and yelling like an idiot. Rebecca is squealing like a fan girl on crack and chasing after Billy. Alfred is hanging off of Ada and squealing in much the same way as Rebecca. Marcus is playing with his remaining leeches and laughing insanely. Morpheus is standing on a nearby rock doing his impression of Riverdance. Nemmy and Alexia are looking for some bushes.

However their happiness is short lived as one of the shows many producers comes running onto the beach and drags Wesker off camera.

"I wonder what that is all about?" Jill murmurs, while trying to throw a blanket over Carlos.

****

- And now a word from our sponsor -

A beautiful looking woman in a skimpy black dress enters the scene.

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Camera pans around to see a young woman trying to wash a load of blood stained clothes, several dead zombies are laying on the floor of her laundry room. She looks at the camera and nods.

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Our spokeswoman holds up a read and white bottle about the size of a Coke bottle.

"V-Jolt's patented anti-goo formula works its way deep into the clothing's fibers to get rid of those stubborn blood stains."

The camera turns back to the woman in the laundry room who is dumping V-Jolt into the washing machine, while trying to fend off a Cerberus with a broom. After an abnormally long, dull, and very expensive series of special effects about the way V-Jolt works the woman with the broom holds up one of the bloodstained shirts, which is now clean.

"V-Jolt, simply the best." Our skimpy spokeswoman smiles again. "Just another fine product of Umbrella Inc. Helping your community, one miracle at a time."

And then a short disclaimer flashes at the bottom of the screen:

__

Please do not let V-Jolt come in contact with plants, animals, humans, or anything else that is classified as being alive. Umbrella Inc will not be held responsible for any mutations caused by swallowing V-Jolt. Thank you.

****

Back on the Beach…

The rising water is causing quite a commotion on the beach, as it is already starting to reach waist height. The tribes are starting to get a bit restless when Wesker is finally shoved back into camera range. Now dressed in black combat pants, a black muscle shirt, and dark sunglasses. Though he doesn't look quite normal. He's swaying back and forth, while mumbling to himself.

"Uh oh. This does not bode well." Jill mumbles, finally succeeding in covering Carlos.

"The Producers said I can't cancel the immunity challenge and they gave me some Bahama Mamas and some Vicadin, they are so nice." Wesker nods his head like a happy little drone. "So for this immunity challenge, you have to fight me! First team to lose all it's members goes to the tribal council. Let's get started!"

This long proclamation is met with blanks stares for about twenty seconds. After the realization, in that the two tribes will now have to fight Wesker while he is high on alcohol and Vicadin, sinks in…they proceed to have a full on freak out.

"AHHHHHH!" Brad runs around in circles, hard to do in such deep water. "I DON'T WANNA DIE!"

"I AM THE CAMEL KING!" Wesker shouts before pouncing on Billy.

Wesker then proceeds to pummel Billy. This does not sit well with Rebecca, who promptly yanks off her clothes reveling her trademark leather underwear and chases after Wesker with her whip. Alfred has broken down into tears and is being carried by Ada. After beating Billy to a bloody pulp Wesker cloth lines Ada, which send Alfred flying though the air to land on Nemmy's head. Nemmy is knocked unconscious while Alfred proceeds to run around mimicking Brad. Rebecca is now beating Wesker with her whip, which isn't having a whole lot of effect on our doped up host.

"CHEESE IS YOUR ENEMY!" Wesker shouts and tackles Carlos.

No one even attempts to help Carlos, I think everyone is still creped out by the whole thong incident. Marcus, sensing that his end is near, throws a leech at Wesker hoping to slow him down. It doesn't work. Instead of slowing him down Wesker yanks one of the leeches off his face and shouts…

"YOU ARE MY NEW FRIEND! I NAME YOU BOB!"

He then plops the abnormally large leech on his head and knocks Marcus into a tree with an uppercut. While Wesker, and his new pet, search for a new victim Brad and Alfred run face first into each other and hit the water unconscious. While Wesker runs after Yoko, still being chased by Rebecca, Morpheus leaps on top of a nearby rock and proclaims…

"This ends now!"

It then attempts to zap Wesker with a bolt of electricity. The bolt misses but ultimately is still effective. You see boys and girls water is a fantastic conductor of electricity. The bolt hit's the water and electrocutes everyone still wading around, even those already unconscious. After a few moments Wesker stands up a few wisps of smoke curling off of him and Bob.

"Umbrella tribe wins the challenge, thanks to the shapely tyrant thing with the gopher fetish. S.T.A.R.S. tribe see you at tribal council."

He then falls face first into the water. Meanwhile a severely singed Rebecca collects her tribe mates and limps off to camp. Morpheus proceeds to collect all his tribe mates and moves off. But what about poor Marcus?

****

In the Tree…a heroic rescue is in progress…

Alex swings a bit, trying to grab Marcus by the hair. Chris has a hold of her feet, Leon has a hold of his feet, while Claire and Alyssa hold Leon. Alex finally manages to grab Marcus and drops him in the water below, where Morpheus quickly collects his unconscious body and drags him back to camp.

"Alright, pull me up!"

Claire and Alyssa start pulling, dragging first Leon then Chris and finally Alex back into the safety of the branches. Let's give them a round of applause folks for doing such a nice thing for the enemy!

****

Next time on Survivor…

__

Who on the S.T.A.R.S. tribe has to go?

A/N: Alright, time for the vote!


	19. Tribal Council 9

A/N: It was a close vote, very close. But after counting them twice I have finally come to the conclusion as to who is to be voted off next. And so…on with the show!

****

S.T.A.R.S. Camp…

Yup, that time again. Oh come on, don't tell me you're surprised. This happens every week for heaven's sake. Anyway, we go to our slightly crazy cameraman to see who he has cornered this fine evening.

"Well, um, since Alyssa is gone I'm not really sure who to vote for." Carlos rubs at his chin. The viewing audience is supremely glad that he is no longer in his thong. "I know Brad kinda wants to go home and I don't like Billy much I suppose."

The cameraman retreats, lest Carlos put the thong on again, and corners Yoko near the fire.

"I have a plan this week, oh yes I do."

She then goes on to laugh in a very Wesker-like way. This only seems to creep the cameraman out and he bids a hasty retreat, cornering Jill.

"Carlos, plus thong. Need I say more?"

Jill's words evoke the recent memory of Carlos' little 'episode', causing the cameraman to pass out on the spot. You know we seem to be losing a lot of personnel that way. The union is getting a might pissed about it as well. But, hey, what can you do…the island is full of freaks…

****

Tribal Council Area…

Wesker is not happy. It's not just his really bad hangover that is making him unhappy, either. It's mostly because of the rather large leech sitting on his head. The leech, aka Bob, is still firmly attached to our evil host. In fact several of the show's crew have already suffered from severe bites thanks to trying to remove the little creature. After the fourth ambulance run the producers of the show decided that Wesker should just keep his little pet, and so…Wesker is not happy.

Wesker does his best to ignore Bob, as the S.T.A.R.S. tribe marches their way to the tribal council area. The site of a completely sober Wesker with a large man-eating leech on his head only makes the S.T.A.R.S. Tribe believe the old adage: _What goes around, comes around._ They pretty much figure that after all the evil things Wesker has done, he deserves having a leech on his head. Besides, it really is pretty funny.

"Alright go vote."

Wesker grumbles as Bob lets out a little squeak. I really didn't think leeches squeaked, but hey, you learn something new every day. Jill somehow manages not to laugh and goes to the voting jar. She scribbles out a name and holds up, not one but three cards.

"Carlos I'm not sure if I'll ever get over the image of you in a thong. No, that is not a good thing."

She drops the card in the jar and takes her seat. Rebecca is next. She scribbles out a name and holds up her card.

"Sorry Cuban Pete. I mean anything but a freaking florescent pink thong."

She drops the card in the pot and takes her seat. Yoko is next. She skips up to the jar, looking more happy than usual, and scribbles out a name.

"I'm voting for myself."

She smiles brightly and drops the card in the pot before sitting down. Carlos is next to vote. He scribbles out two names and holds up just one card. Guess he's trying to save a tree or something.

"Sorry Billy, I mean I just didn't know who to vote for. Brad, you want off the island, just thought I'd help."

He drops the card in the pot and takes his seat. Brad is next. He scribbles out a name and holds up the card.

"Carlos, I will have nightmares for the rest of my life thanks to you. Die a horrible death."

He drops the card in the pot and takes his seat. Billy was the last to cast his vote. He scribbles out a name and holds up the card.

"I hate you Carlos."

He drops the card in the pot and takes his seat. Wesker grabs the pot and starts counting the votes.

"Once you are voted off bring me your torch and prepare to go airborne." He digs around and pulls out the first card. "Carlos. One vote Carlos."

…two…

"Carlos. Two votes Carlos"

…three…

"Billy and Brad"

…four…

"Carlos. Three votes Carlos."

…five…

"Carlos. Four votes Carlos."

…six…

"Carlos. Five votes Carlos." Wesker sighs as he looks into the pot. "Oh look at that somebody voted twice. Do I really have to read them all?"

There is a universal _YES_ from the S.T.A.R.S. Tribe and Wesker groans. He's really starting to hate this job. Carlos is beginning to look a tad bit nervous. Our host then pulls out the next card.

"Carlos. Six votes Carlos."

…last card…

"Yoko…huh?" Wesker turns the card a bit and sighs heavily. "The next person voted off of the S.T.A.R.S. tribe is…Yoko."

Yoko gets to her feet and picks up her torch. She actually looks pretty happy about the whole situation. Everyone else is slightly confused.

"Wait a minute how did Yoko get voted off, Carlos got like six votes!" Jill is a tad bit upset.

Wesker holds up the last card he pulled from the jar. In nice neat letters is the name _Yoko X 7_. Apparently Miss Yoko was betting on everyone else voting for Carlos and then just voted for herself seven times. She really cut it close when you think that Jill voted three times.

Yoko puts her torch down in front of Wesker, still smiling. He puts the torch out and then reaches to throw her over the railing. However before he can, she takes a running jump and throws herself over the railing. Wesker rolls his eyes and heads off to get drunk or something, the rest of the tribe head back to camp, looking irate and miserable. All except Carlos, who looks a tad bit pissed off…

****

In the Tree…

"Incoming!" Alex shouts, swinging to a different branch.

Everyone scrambles to move as another helpless tribe member falls into the tree. Yoko bounces off several branches before landing right on top of Alyssa. She smiles and gives everyone a little wave.

"Hello there."

"You certainly sound perky for someone who just got tossed off the island." Chris says, helping Alex scramble down to the lower branches.

"I certainly do. You see I voted myself off." She smiled again, moving over a bit so she wouldn't be sitting on Alyssa. "I call it revenge for everyone ignoring me. They all voted for Carlos cause of the whole thong thing, but now they are still stuck with him!"

Everyone in the tree shudders a bit, they vividly recall the whole thong incident. They got a really good look at it from in the tree. Hunk and Nicholai still hadn't recovered from the shock. Nicholai had fallen into a comatose state while Hunk had reverted to the mental age of six and insisted on calling Alex _Mommy _and Chris _Daddy. _All in all things were not looking up for the former contestants in the tree, although they did escape having Carlos in the tree with them…

****

Next Time on Survivor…

__

Yup, another immunity challenge…

It FINALLY stops raining…

Marcus gets a bit…manly…

Someone gets 'Ark' syndrome…

Alliances shift…


	20. Gladiator

A/N: Sorry for the delay, my computer had to be taken to the repair shop…

****

S.T.A.R.S. Camp…

Everyone returns to camp, looking far more miserable than usual. Each member is acutely aware just how close they had come to getting rid of Carlos and the crushing blow that Yoko delivered with her vote is just depressing them further. Carlos, on the other hand, is extremely pissed off at the vote. He corners Jill in a nearby stand of trees.

"I can't believe you voted for me!"

"No less than three times too." Jill sighs, pushing a stray lock of hair out of her face. "Yoko really surprised us with that whole _X 7_ thing."

"That is not the point." Carlos growls, growing more ticked off with each passing second. "We had an alliance!"

"Then I suppose you can now consider it terminated."

Jill smiles brightly, pats Carlos on the head, and skips back to camp. Carlos stands in the trees wide eyed and mouth hanging open. Apparently he wasn't expecting that development. Meanwhile Brad decides to take a chance and opens negations with Jill about a possible alliance…

****

Umbrella Camp the next morning….

Nemmy and Alexia are no where to be seen, but that is pretty much normal these days. I mean, everyone knows what they're up to and where they might be. It's just that no one wants to see it with their own eyes and risk possible blindness. Ada and Alfred are sitting near the fire, discussing God knows what. More than likely Alfred is giving her more fashion tips. Morpheus and Marcus are counting Marcus' leeches, making sure they are all accounted for.

"I think they're all here." Marcus sighs with relief and cuddles one of his leeches. "Poor babies."

"James, you need a hobby or something."

****

On the Beach…

Wesker seems to be in a much better mood than the day before. Maybe it's because the rain has finally stopped or maybe it was because of the way the tribal council had gone. Though in all honesty it is probably because he's actually starting to like Bob. In fact Wesker had sent the little tyke off to play earlier that morning. He was utterly amused by the thought of the carnage his little leech buddy might be up to.

While he was deep in thought about what Bob might be up to, the two tribes stumbled onto the beach. All of them look relieved that it had quit raining and the beach was no longer flooded. Wesker smirked, because he knew exactly what was going to happen once he announced today's immunity challenge. In fact he was simply bubbling with evil and malicious glee. Scary when you think about it, ain't it?

"Ah, welcome to today's immunity challenge!" Wesker smiled brightly, scaring everyone within a thirty yard radius. "I bet everyone is excited!"

There was a mixture of moans, groans, swearing, whimpers, crying, and the sound of at least two people fainting. Wesker turned the smile up a notch, simply oozing evil glee.

"Today we have something really really special. First though, the Umbrella tribe has to pick someone to sit out the game."

There is a loud argument, followed by what looks like a fist fight. When the dust settles Nemmy stands the victor.

"starrrss…" He gives a little wave and takes a position next to Wesker.

"Alrighty then now that, that has been decided. On to the immunity challenge."

Wesker leads the way across the beach to what looks to be some kind of large platform that greatly resembles one of those wire spools the electric company uses which just happens to be surrounded by a small pool of water about six feet deep. It's positioned about four feet off the ground and the large round platform on top is about eight feet around.

"I'm sure everyone is going to simply love this challenge. Two people are going to go up on the platform, one person from each tribe. Once up there the first person to be knocked off the platform loses and a point goes to the opposite tribe. First tribe to get six points wins immunity."

Wesker grinned rather evilly and the two tribes just knew they had more bad news on the way. Wesker was just eating it up. This whole angst and fear thing was a great boost to his morale.

"By the way, I get to choose who fights who…"

****

Meanwhile, in the tree…

Alex snapped awake from her nap in one of the overhead limbs. She lifted her head and rubbed her eyes trying to get a look at the beach. What had woken her up was a sound of such pitiful anguish and screaming that she thought maybe Albert had finally killed someone in a rather messy way.

"Anyone know what's going on down there?" Alex yawned, stretching slightly. "Sounds like Albie finally snapped or something."

"Not too sure at the moment." Chris was laying on a branch below, trying to get a look at the beach with the homemade binoculars. "I think it's just another immunity challenge."

"Really?"

Alex started to shimmy down to the lower branches when she felt something slither along her leg. Narrowing her eyes slightly she turned, expecting to see a snake. What she saw instead was Wesker's new pet Bob. Alex screeched and fell off the limb, landing in Leon's lap.

"Hey Umbrella girl!" Claire yelled. "You already got my brother, Leon's mine!"

"I don't want him!" Alex growled, trying to pry the leech off her leg. "I got a bloody leech on my leg!"

That simple statement caused all hell to break loose in the tree. Chris jumped down to the lower branches trying to help Alex. Claire retreated from Leon and Alex, effectively trampling all over Annette and Birkin.

"Hey watch it!" Annette was a wee bit upset. "You stupid trollop!"

"Trollop? Oh you're going down!"

Claire jumped Annette. Meanwhile Hunk was crying and pointing at Alex like a five year old and screaming that someone had to save his Mommy. Doesn't it just pull at your heartstrings? Alyssa, in an effort to help, grabbed Alex's gun and started trying to blast the leech. Not the brightest of ideas considering Alex was sitting on Leon's lap, Chris was trying to the grab the leech, and the leech was currently attached to Alex's leg. Yoko was doing her best to get away from the endless rounds of gunfire by hiding behind the still comatose Nicholai.

"Stop shooting you blonde bimbo!" Alex shouted, still trying to pry off the leech.

"I'm helping!"

A shot went wild, hitting Alex in the thigh and missing Bob by a good five inches.

"That is not helping!"

****

Back on the beach…

Wesker's grin broadened as he listened to the screaming and the gunshots from the nearby tree. It seemed Bob was having a bit of fun with the former survivors. The two tribes on the other hand looked ready to either be sick or pass out, maybe both.

"Alrighty then, let's get this show on the road. Anything goes, it doesn't matter how you get them off as long as they go off." Wesker consulted his clipboard. "First up…Alfred and Brad."

You could cut the silence with a knife as both contestants climbed onto the top of the arena. I mean really Brad and Alfred…can you say slap fight?

"Um…I'll like beat you up!" Alfred's voice was a tad shriller than usual. "Don't mess with me!"

"Oh please, you're a puff for Christ's sake."

And the war was on. Alfred let out a horrendously loud screech and came running at Brad waving his arms wildly. Brad was so stunned by this stupid display he broke down laughing. Alfred then jumped on Brad's back and proceeded to slap and scratch him. Brad could probably have broken away quite easily if not for the fact that he was laughing so hard tears were streaming down his face. In fact he stumbled and fell into the small pool of water below, leaving Alfred panting and hissing on the platform.

"That's one point for the Umbrella tribe. Up next we have…Ada and Carlos."

The two adversaries climb onto the platform. Ada smiled seductively, while Carlos grinned like an idiot.

"Hey there lover." Ada purred swinging her hips seductively as she walked over to him.

"Duh.."

Ada smiled again while Carlos did his best not to pass out from all the sex appeal dripping from Ada. Ada ran a finger down his cheek then planted her hand firmly in the center of his chest and gave him a push. Carlos pin wheeled on the edge of the platform for a second then fell into the pool below. Ada leaned over the edge, winked, and blew him a kiss. Carlos, still smiling stupidly, just sort of sank into the pool. Good thing Brad was nearby or he would have drown.

"That's two for Umbrella, damn Carlos that was pathetic. Next up…Jill and Alexia."

The two women climbed to the top of the platform eyeing each other with hate and malice. Wesker cracked a beer, handed one to Nemmy, and waited for the show to start.

"I hate to do this Jill, but you simply aren't pretty enough to occupy the same space as myself."

"Oh really."

Alexia was totally oblivious to the hinted threat in Jill's throat, the audience wasn't. Alexia smirked, pulled a nail file from behind her back and ran at Jill like a crazed psychopath. Jill, didn't do a damn thing, she just stood there inspecting the condition of her S.T.A.R.S. buff. Then, just when Alexia was no more than a two feet away, Jill stepped nimbly aside. Alexia let out a bloodcurdling scream and fell face first into the water below.

"Ooo, Alexia dear, that was one hell of a belly flop." Jill covered her mouth, giggling happily.

"That's one for S.T.A.R.S, two for Umbrella. Next up…Morpheus and Rebecca."

Morpheus climbed onto the platform and ran it's fingers though it's hair. Rebecca climbed up on the opposite side, looking surprisingly optimistic. I mean Morpheus could shoot electricity from it's fingertips, what the hell did Rebecca have to look so chipper about?

"We really need that immunity Rebecca darling." Morpheus purred. "Sorry."

"Now Morpheus don't say sorry till you've won."

Rebecca grinned mischievously and ripped her clothes off. Down on the ground Billy let out a squeak of pure terror and hid behind Jill. Rebecca pulled the whip tight in her hands, the sun glinting off her black leather bra and panties.

"Bow down to me!" She snapped the whip. "HO HO HO HO HO!"

Despite being a seven foot female tyrant that could shoot electricity from it's hands, Morpheus panicked. It took off at a dead run, sprinting around the edge of the platform. Rebecca was only a step or two behind, swinging the whip like an expert.

"Come back here and take your medicine!" She yelled, sending a snap to Morpheus's butt. "HO HO HO HO!"

This only caused Morpheus to panic further and in a desperate attempt to get away, he dove off the platform. Rebecca pouted slightly at the lose of her prey and stomped her foot in defeat.

"Two S.T.A.R.S, two Umbrella. Next up…Marcus and Billy."

The two men, or in Marcus's case pseudo-man, stepped onto the platform. Billy eyed Marcus with a look of contempt. Even with the leeches on Marcus's side, he was pretty sure he could win. Then Marcus did something so weird it defies explanation. He ripped his dress off.

"Ahhh!" Wesker quickly covered his eyes. "I've gone blind!"

Of course if Wesker had paid a little more attention he would have seen that Marcus was not naked, well not from the waist down any way. In fact, he was wearing a very nice pair of white dress pants. But what was really making the women in the audience drool was the rather buff upper part of his body. Looks like old Marcus worked out when he wasn't playing with his leeches.

"starrrsss." Nemmy tapped Wesker on the shoulder. "starrrsss…"

"Oh, he has clothes on?" Wesker peeked out between his fingers. "So he does."

Billy looked dumb struck. Marcus cracked his neck and took up a rather mundane fighting stance.

"Come on pretty boy, I'll kick your ass."

Billy's jaw hit the platform. Did Marcus actually sound…manly? Why yes, yes he did. Before Billy could react to this newest development Marcus rushed him, hitting him square in the stomach with an uppercut. Billy gasped and doubled over as every last bit of air was driven from his lungs. Marcus took a quick step back and delivered a roundhouse kick to Billy's jaw sending him flying though the air to land in the water below.

"Wow." Jill whispered, staring as Marcus vaulted off the platform. "I want one."

"Well…err…" Wesker was completely at a lose for words, a new situation for him. "Two S.T.A.R.S., three Umbrella. Looks like it's back to the beginning. Alfred, Brad get your asses back up there."

Alfred climbed onto the platform looking particular proud of himself. In his mind, he'd severely trounced Brad the last time and by God he could do it again. Brad on the other hand, had a plan. Which of course didn't involve laughing this time around. Alfred brandished his claws again and came running at Brad, full speed. Brad lowered his head and upper body, sliding his left foot back slightly.

Alfred let out a rather high pitched, and somewhat pathetic, battle cry and leapt toward Brad. Brad shoved his shoulder forward, catching Alfred in the stomach, and pushed upward. Alfred went flying over Brad, whacked his head on the platform, and landed in the pool below.

"Where am I…" Alfred stared around blankly as Ada helped him out of the water. "Who am I?"

"Oh dear." Ada sighed. "Don't worry honey."

"Do I know you?"

Poor Alfred, completely lost his memory. Then again the way he acts, that might be a good thing.

"Damn." Jill's eyes widened a bit and she turned to Rebecca. "Brad's pretty hot, you know?"

"Jill, you running a fever or something?" Rebecca laid her hand on Jill's forehead. "I mean first Marcus now your drooling over Brad?"

Why yes, yes she was…go figure. Wesker was just as surprised.

"Damn, the little idiot really can do something when he isn't cowering behind someone else." He cracked another beer and took a long draw off of it. "Three S.T.A.R.S, three Umbrella. Carlos, Ada you guys are up again."

The two climbed to the top of the platform, but the fight was pretty much over before it began. Ada did her little flouncey walk again. Carlos drooled and mumbled some more. But this time Ada pulled out her ultimate weapon, she kissed him. Carlos turned seven shades of red and fainted, falling into the pool yet again.

"Pathetic." Wesker shook his head and handed Nemmy another beer. "Three S.T.A.R.S., Four Umbrella. Alexia, Jill."

The two women climbed onto the platform. Alexia looked ready to spit nails. She was highly pissed about the way the last match had gone, so she employed her own secret weapon…she transformed and began tossing fire in Jill's direction. It did the trick, Jill had no choice but to dive into the pool to get away.

"Three S.T.A.R.S., five Umbrella. One more and S.T.A.R.S. goes back to tribal council. Morpheus, Rebecca hop up there."

Rebecca stepped onto the platform, pulling the whip tight in her hands. Morpheus took a deep breath and decided that it would not be intimidated this time. Seven seconds later Morpheus was sitting in the pool and Rebecca was standing above it laughing and swinging her whip around menacingly.

"Four S.T.A.R.S., five Umbrella. Marcus, Billy get up there." Wesker cracked his third beer and glanced at Nemmy. "Hundred on Marcus."

"starrrsss…"

The two men eyed each other, like a couple gladiators facing death. Billy had underestimated Marcus the last time, but he would not make the same mistake as before. Marcus cracked his neck like before and took up his fighting stance again. Billy smirked and held up…a leech.

"Monty!" All manliness was gone in a split second. "Don't hurt him!"

"Take a dive, or I will."

Marcus slowly nodded and dove off the platform. Billy gave a little whistle and tossed the leech down to his daddy. Marcus hugged the little thing like it was one of his children and climbed back toward the rest of his tribe mates. Billy was eternally grateful that Marcus had left his dress on the platform, the damn leech had been hiding in the pocket.

"starrrsss…" Nemmy held out his hand toward Wesker. "starrrsss…"

"Ah fine, right." Wesker dug out a hundred dollar bill and handed it to him. "Marcus is always screwing shit up for me. Well now, that's five S.T.A.R.S, five Umbrella."

Wesker set his beer down and slowly got to his feet. He had a really sadistic idea.

"Be right back."

****

Meanwhile in the tree…

Birkin finished bandaging Alex's leg. Luckily it was only a flesh wound. Alyssa was tied to one of the upper branches with Chris' shirt. He had to do something before Alex killed her for shooting her and for wasting what was left of the magnum ammo.

"Hey, up in the tree!"

Every face turned to see Wesker standing in the ankle deep water surrounding the tree.

"What do you want Albie?" Alex asked, pulling herself to her feet. "By the way we found your damn leech."

Alex tossed the leech down to Wesker, who caught it easily. He stuffed his little friend on top of his head and turned his attention once more to the tree.

"Alexandra I need some help with an immunity challenge…"

****

Back on the beach…

Everyone stared as Alex and Chris came trudging up the beach behind Wesker. They were amazed, they were stunned, they were wondering why Alex was limping. Wesker escorted them to the platform then took his customary seat, in his lawn chair with his beer in hand.

"Alrighty then, it's five Umbrella and five S.T.A.R.S. This final bout will decide who gets immunity." Wesker grinned evilly, sending a shiver down the spine of everyone present. "Chris is fighting for the S.T.A.R.S. tribe and Alexandra is fighting for the Umbrella tribe…hope to it kids!"

Chris and Alex stared at each other for a few seconds. This wasn't exactly what they'd been expecting. Apparently Wesker had lied to them about what they were supposed to do, something about zombies and some coconuts or something along those lines anyway.

"I can't hit a woman." Chris shrugged, spreading his arms open.

"Well, you'd better learn, or I'll have to whip your ass."

Alex grinned, a malicious look indeed. Chris blanched slightly, maybe it would be a good idea to hit her after all. Wesker was eating the whole thing up. Pitting the two love birds against each other had to be one of his better sadistic plans, at least lately.

Alex pulled a combat knife from her boot and charged Chris…then tripped, fell past him, and hit the water with a loud splash. Wesker coughed, spitting up a huge gulp of beer. Ok, he just hadn't expected that. Chris leaned over the side of the platform, looking worried. Alex grinned up at him and winked.

Now, one must remember that eventually Alex is going to date Chris and become a member of S.T.A.R.S. Which side do YOU think she wanted to win immunity?

"That was rather anti-climatic." Wesker sighed heavily and threw the mangled sunglasses to Jill. "Umbrella tribe see you at tribal council. Chris, Alex I need to have a word with you…"

The two tribes quickly scurried off the beach while Wesker went to have a word with his sister and someday to be brother-in-law…

****

Several hours later…

Chris and Alex are back in the tree, nursing various bruises, broken bones, and cuts.

"Alex did you really throw the match?"

"Of course." Alex smiles, then winces slightly at the pain it causes. "Like I'd really fight you. Plus it pisses Albie off and that's always fun. Well, except for all the bruises and broken bones that is…"

Next time on survivor…

Who will be voted off?

OT: It's that time, who on the Umbrella tribe deserves a place in the tree?


	21. Tribal Council 10

A/N: I apologize for the long wait. Finally got everything on my computer fixed so I **will **now be getting back to my weekly updates from now on. Also there was a tie in the voting so I will be the deciding vote as to who is kicked off. Thank You!

**

* * *

Umbrella Camp…**

The Umbrella tribe trudged back to camp, their minds already turning to the tribal council later that evening. One of them would be taking the flying leap into the tree, a trip none of them really wanted to take. That meant that a lot of B.S.ing, lying, cheating, and double-crossing was in their near futures.

And so our intrepid cameraman once more braves the horror that is the Umbrella camp in order to complete his job and pick up the six figure paycheck we promised him. The first one he corners is Alfred, who just happens to still be suffering from amnesia after that nasty fall off the platform earlier.

"Ah…well…that white haired female thing is rather annoying." He scratches his head a bit. "But that blonde chick, Alexia I think her name is, is just beyond annoying. She's also really bossy."

The cameraman next corners Nemmy.

"starrsss…starrsss…starrsss…starrsss…"

__

Translation: Since Alfred is currently unaware of his surroundings it might be beneficial to eliminate Ada from the game.

After rechecking his translation notes, in his handy _Monster to English_ textbook, the cameraman next corners Marcus. It should be noted than since removing his dress and wandering around bare shirted his fan base has gone up 25 and the show's ratings have jumped by 64.

"Well I'm not too sure who to vote for. Alexia and Nemmy are still very annoying, what with that whole 'couple' thing going on. I still don't care much for Ada." Marcus pet's one of his leeched, pondering the ramifications of this vote. "I'm just not sure."

The camera returns to passive mode and finds Alfred and Ada sitting near the campfire discussing the future vote.

"Now Alfred, that's you, who is it we don't like?"

"Alexia and Nemmy?" Alfred looks slightly confused.

"Very good." Ada smiles happily, throws her arms around Alfred's neck, and kisses him. "That's my good little snookems."

In an effort to keep this program viewable by the general public and pay our bills…here's a commercial!

Commercial…

"Do you feel tired, irritable, rundown? Just don' have the energy to get up and slay those pesky zombies that have thus far eaten your husband, brother, and dog? We have the solution for you…Adravil."

"Adravil will give you that extra boost of energy everyone needs when dealing with the undead. Not only that but Adravil has been recommended by nine out of ten Umbrella Doctors."

"Trust a name you know, trust Adravil. Brought to you by the Umbrella Corporation."

"Umbrella, helping the community one miracle at a time."

Disclaimer: Side effects of Adravil include…stomach cramps, vomiting, and body spasms. Adravil should not be taken if you are currently under a doctor's care for T-Virus exposure or heart attack.

The tenth doctor in the Adravil study has since disappeared and it is believed he is currently being used in a T-Virus experiment. We believe if he HAD known that would happen ahead of time he would have readily endorsed Adravil.

Tribal Council Area…

Wesker looks particularly happy about this particular tribal council. This could be attributed to the fact that he simply adores suffering of any kind, but we're pretty sure that isn't the case this time around. We're positive it has something to do with what happens _after_ the tribal council. No, not him being able to throw someone into the tree, although he does enjoy that immensely. No his happiness is directly linked to what will soon turn the Survivor game upside down. However, we can't reveal that secret now, you'll have to wait until the next episode. Yes, we're sadistic bastards. Why do you think we hired Wesker in the first place?

So while Wesker contemplates the secret that will be taking place tomorrow morning, the Umbrella tribe walks in and quickly takes their seats. Wesker smiles happily. As stated many times before this is one of his favorite parts of the game. The agony, the suspense, the crushed hopes of some unlucky victim. It's enough to make a treacherous bastard cry with joy.

"Alright Umbrella Tribe, you know the drill. Who is going to take a trip to the tree? Cast your votes."

Alfred is the first to vote. He scribbles out a name and holds up the card.

"Um, sorry Nemmy, Ada told me you were evil. Nothing personal."

Alfred takes his seat and Morpheus is next to vote. It quickly writes out two names and holds up the card, both names are the same.

"Alexia. You are a sadistic bitch. I do not like you, I never will like you. Go away."

Morpheus takes it's seat and it's Marcus' turn. He writes out a name and holds up the card.

"Nemmy, the whole Alexia thing is just sick and wrong. Take your sick sexual fantasies somewhere else."

Marcus sits down and Ada takes her turn. She writes out a single name and holds up the card.

"Nemmy, don't like you, never will. Go away."

She drops the card in the vase and takes her seat. Alexia is next. She scribbles out the same name, four times and holds up the card.

"As I've stated before there is only room enough on this island for one twisted yet incredibly beautiful mutant creature. So Morpheus you have to go, you're cramping my style."

Alexia drops the card in the pot and takes her seat. Nemmy is the last to vote. He scribbles out a single name, five times, and holds up the card.

"starrsss….starrsss…"

__

Translation: Ada you have outlived your usefulness.

He drops the card in the pot and takes his seat. Wesker then retrieves the pot and quickly counts the votes.

"In order to speed things along I'm just going to announce that Ada is tonight's loser. Ada bring me your torch and don't even think about flouncing or shaking your booty at me, it won't work."

Ada sighs heavily, kisses Alfred goodbye, and takes her torch over to Wesker. Wesker puts out the torch, picks her up, and tosses her over the railing. There is the sound of breaking twigs and a very loud _OWWW_ then silence.

"Umbrella tribe you may return to camp."

Wesker then breaks out into highly evil laughter as he thinks about the surprise tomorrow's episode will bring.

The laughter only causes the Umbrella tribe to move that much faster…

In the Tree…

We find poor little battered and bruised Ada tied to the same branch as Alyssa. It would appear that Ada fell on Alex's injured leg when she was thrown into the tree and that Alex's retribution was swift and incredibly violent. This display of a very Wesker-like reaction has caused the others in the tree, with the exception of Hunk who is still calling her Mommy and Chris who now finds himself even more in love with her, to stay far from the Wesker sibling.

Next Time On Survivor…

I change the rules of the game…

An immunity challenge…

More pain and suffering for our contestants…

* * *

A/N: The tie was between Morpheus and Ada, they both got five votes a piece. Since I like Morpheus better he managed to stay on the island. 


	22. Changing the Rules

On the Beach…

Wesker stands in the middle of the beach, looking particularly evil this fine morning. Why, may you ask are we now looking at Wesker instead of the Umbrella Tribe? The answer is incredibly simple…we're trying to save money by employing less cameramen. Anyway, back to the reason Wesker is looking particularly evil this fine morning.

It could be because the rather nasty immunity challenge he has cooked up, but it isn't. No, it's because we have finally come to the episode where we turn the rules upside down on the contestants. Where we make surviving and winning that million dollars that much harder to accomplish. Hence the reason Wesker has just broke into a rather frightening fit of evil laughter.

The intrepid survivalists of the Umbrella and S.T.A.R.S. tribe wander onto the beach, looking rather pissed off and tired. Neither tribe looks very happy to see Wesker enjoying himself, especially since the immunity challenge hasn't even started yet. This leads to a few of the tribe members to faint, namely Brad and Alfred. After a few moments Wesker finally regains control of himself and clears his throat.

"Good morning everyone. I have a special surprise for you fine people today."

"You're going to let us go back to camp without subjecting us to some horrible immunity challenge where one or all of us could be injured, maimed, and/or killed?"

Everyone stares at Marcus for a few seconds. It wasn't really the fact of what he said that is eliciting such a response, it was the fact that he actually didn't sound like a fluff when he said it. Maybe there was more to losing that dress yesterday then met the eye. Could Marcus actually have found his masculine side?

Wesker shook his head, quickly getting over the shock.

"No. Everyone remove their buffs and throw them over here by me."

There is a brief silence then twenty buffs come flying at Wesker. Three hit him in the head and probably would have done no damage had rocks not been wrapped in them, not to mention the fact that they were thrown pretty hard. It would probably be beneficial to the audience to know that **EVERY** buff thrown at our evil, and sometimes misunderstood, host hand a rock wrapped in it. It should also be noted that every buff hit our poor, yet incredibly insensitive, host.

Wesker shook his head a bit, trying to recover from the stoning our survivors have just inflicted upon him. In the meantime the survivors are laughing and having a good time about the whole incident. The survivors in the tree also seem to find the incident amusing and happen to be laughing the loudest. Wesker, on the other hand, is not amused. Not only will he have a couple black eyes tomorrow, but his sunglasses got broken. Pissed off does not really describe how angry Wesker is at this moment in time. However, his contract does state that he cannot outright kill the contestants, so he has to hope the immunity challenge will do it for him.

"You people are going to regret that." Wesker grinned as the laughter, except from the tree, died off. "Now then in the two pots before you are your new buffs, put them on."

The two tribes look around, but cannot seem to find the pots to which Wesker is referring to. Seconds later two crewmen run onto the beach, drop off two black pots, and scurry off camera. Tough finding good help these days, don't you agree? Anyway, the two tribes roll their eyes and dig out their new buffs.

"What in the flying _beeping_ hell are these supposed to be?"

Billy was not the only one, wondering what the hell these new buffs were supposed to represent. They were also wondering why all the buffs were exactly the same. Each one was black and had _Wesker for Supreme World Leader_ written on them in red lettering. Somehow the survivors knew this just did not bode well for them.

"Well it is very simple Mr. Coen. There will no longer be an Umbrella tribe and a S.T.A.R.S. tribe. You ten survivors now make up the HCF tribe."

Wesker then proceeded to laugh in a very maniacal way while the survivors stared at one another in shock and dismay. If they were now one single tribe that meant that immunity was cast into a whole new meaning. Only one of these ten people would walk off this beach with immunity.

"Ah yes, this is grand. Only **ONE** of you can gain immunity." Wesker giggled a bit. "I find the whole situation most beneficial to my state of mind. Now onto the immunity challenge!"

The ten survivors stared at each other for a few seconds, then sighed heavily, donned their new buffs, and followed Wesker across the beach where the immunity challenge was set up. It looked eerily like the immunity challenge involving the 'zombie wrangling' several episodes back, except this time there was ten corrals and each one was neatly labeled with a survivor's name.

"Now then everyone. This is very, very easy. It's almost exactly like the zombie wrangling you people did several episodes back. The first person to wrangle two of the little buggers into their corral wins immunity." Wesker grinned and walked over to a rather large cage with a tarp over it. "There is one little catch…"

Wesker ripped the tarp of the cage and the entire cast and crew of Survivor gasped in shock. _One little catch_, was an understatement. Instead of zombies the survivors faced the difficult task of rounding up…Hunters. Even the folks in the tree seemed a bit fearful of this new challenge, mostly due to the fact that they knew the Hunters would eventually wind up stalking them beneath the tree and they were out of bullets.

"Use any means necessary. They have to be alive and in one piece…GO!"

Wesker threw open the cage door and quickly moved a safe distance away, to his beer and lawn chair. He cracked open a Corona and waited for the screaming to start, it didn't take long. In fact I think the survivors have actually beaten the record for _seeing monster to screaming_, originally held by Brad for Resident Evil 3.

And it was pandemonium. The Hunters immediately took off after anything that moved, making it rather difficult to round them up. Brad and Alfred immediately took off to running around in circles like a couple of idiots, while screaming in high pitched voices, and flailing their arms around wildly. Rebecca freaked out for about a full minute before breaking out the whip and leather outfit combo. Jill ran past Carlos, giving him a shove into the ground for good measure, and headed for Nemmy. Carlos, thanks to the shove from Jill, was desperately trying to keep a Hunter from eating his foot off. Alexia had mutated and was attempting to herd a very singed Hunter toward her corral. Nemmy was having a wrestling match with one of the Hunters and appeared to be winning. Billy had somehow wound up on the back of another Hunter and was trying desperately to steer it toward his corral.

"That's one for Marcus and Morpheus." Wesker cracked another beer, thoroughly enjoying the show. "You guys better hurry now!"

It was true that Marcus and Morpheus had both managed to corral a Hunter. Morpheus' Hunter looked a bit the worse for wear, covered in electrical burns, and Marcus' Hunter was happily chewing on a leech. Apparently even Marcus is willing to sacrifice one of his babies for immunity and a chance at a million dollars.

Meanwhile, Jill somehow managed to lure a Hunter into her corral using the unconscious Carlos as bait. Poor guy passed out from blood loss. Alexia finally got a severely burned Hunter into her corral. Alfred was still running around like an idiot on crack. Billy and his Hunter seem to have taken off into the jungle, he might be gone a while. Rebecca seems to have lost interest in getting her Hunter to the corral and is now bent on beating it into submission. Nemmy was still in the middle of a wrestling match with his chosen prey and from the look of things, now losing. Then something, so incredibly outrageous it could only happen on Reality TV, happened. Brad ran right straight into his corral, face first into one of the posts, and knocked himself out. Now this would not be so outrageous if not for the fact that two Hunters followed him into the corral, winning him the immunity.

"Ok, that was a new one." Wesker pulled himself out of the chair and approached the fallen brad, careful not to get too close to the loosed Hunters. "Ok, Brad you win immunity."

Brad stumbled to his feet, looking a bit dizzy. Wesker handed him Sherry's locket.

"I'll see you all tonight at tribal council. By the way here's the map to your new camp site."

Jill quickly took the map and trudged off toward their new home, with a very dazed Brad and the rest of the tribe stumbling along behind. Wesker grinned again and moved off camera, probably to cause some mayhem to a crew member or something…

In the Tree…

"I'm really starting to hate your brother Alex." Birkin grumbled, staring at the three Hunters prowling below the tree.

"You and me both." Alex glared at Alyssa, still tied to the upper branches. "If _someone_ hadn't wasted all my ammo I could have fixed this problem."

"I was just trying to help!" Alyssa was really pissed off and extremely uncomfortable at this point in time. "I should have let it eat you, you ditzy blonde!"

There is exactly five seconds of silence before Alex totally loses her temper and attempts to skin Alyssa alive with her combat knife. It takes the combined efforts of Nicholai, Chris, and Leon to keep Alex pinned down.

Somewhere in the Jungle…

Billy has finally reached an agreement with his Hunter. Of course this is only after a two hour ride through some bramble bushes, through a piranha filled river, and finally falling into a small ravine. Billy is just not having a good day and he has the bloody wounds to prove it.

Now all he has to do is figure out where the hell he is .

"I hate this show…"

Next Time on Survivor…

Who has to go?

* * *

A/N: Alright, here's the deal. You can now vote for anyone, even whoever has immunity. That's because the person with immunity is given the option to give it away before the vote. Here's a quick rundown of who is still on: Jill, Nemmy, Marcus, Morpheus, Alexia, Alfred, Billy, Rebecca, Brad, and Carlos. Cast your votes! 


	23. Tribal Council 11

A/N: Wow! I mean you guys simply bombarded me with votes this time around. I had to read through them twice…TWICE I say. However I did finally figure out who just has to go.

Also, in one of the reviews someone asked me why I always had Nemmy sitting out the immunity challenges, if I wanted him to win or something. No, I didn't do it for that reason. Whenever someone had to sit out it was to even up the tribe members so the teams were equal. I picked Nemmy a lot because I figured he could easily win the immunity challenges. Now that the tribes have combined, I won't have anyone sit out anymore.

Now then…on with the hilarity, swearing, and general mistreatment of our contestants…

**

* * *

**

Back at Camp…

After getting lost no less than three times the contestants finally locate their new camp. They are not thrilled. Since it is a whole new camp site, they must start from scratch, fire and everything. Not to mention they have to decide who is next to get voted off. This premise is not helped by the fact that both tribes have been combined and our happy heroes now find themselves among the evil villains. Though, in all honesty the so called _heroes_ have been acting quite a bit like villains as of late.

And so our new cameraman, the last one is in a _rest home_ recovering from a nervous breakdown. Our insurance rates are going to sky rocket thanks to this season. Anyway, our cameraman corners various tribe members in order to listen to them piss, moan, and groan about the situation.

"This is just so unjust." Marcus pets one of his leeches, looking pretty pissed. "I sacrifice one of my babies and what happens! That little dolt Brad wins immunity. I hate this show…"

The cameraman quickly scuttles away, lest Marcus do something unnatural to him. He corners Brad next.

"I can't be voted off!" Brad looks pretty happy at the moment, surprising since he has tried several times to vote himself off the island. "My clumsiness and general cowardice has paid off! Oh yea, the million is mine!"

Brad soon loses his high spirits when it is pointed out, by the cameraman, that the immunity only lasts for one vote. This causes Brad to whimper slightly and move off into the trees to be alone. The cameraman, feeling very Wesker-like thanks to crushing Brad's tiny backbone, next corners Alfred.

"I have no _beeping_ clue where I am, or what the hell I'm supposed to be doing." Alfred looks rather angry and somehow very manly, even in the bikini…scary. "Also…WHY THE _BEEP _AM I WEARING A BIKINI! I'm a _beeping_ man!"

The cameraman then returns to passive mode, perhaps fearing that getting any more insight into our contestants state of mind may cost him his life or his sanity, perhaps both. So the camera pans over the camp, observing our contestants as they try to build said camp. Things are not going well either, an argument has broken out…let's observe…

"_Beep_ you!" Carlos growled, throwing a stick of wood. "I'm doing my best here Princess!"

"How dare you talk to me like that!" Alexia screeched, throwing her own piece of wood. "I'm Alexia Ashford!"

"Whoopee for you, you arrogant twit! Everyone knows if it wasn't for your _boyfriend_ you'd have gotten voted off a long time ago!"

"Why you, you…you immigrant!" Alexia is so mad, she's turning a bright shade of red and looks ready to burst into flames at the next opportune moment. "I have never been so insulted in all my life!"

"Wait, you're young yet."

The insults fly for a few more minutes before communications completely break down and a fist fight ensues. A few feet from this display, which everyone is ignoring, Jill and Alfred are deep in conversation.

"Let me get this straight. The blonde chick fighting with the Cuban is my sister. My name is Alfred Ashford and, for lack of a better term, I'm a fluff?"

"That's about it Skippy." Jill put the finishing touches on the canvas and pulled the rope taunt. "Alright, shelter at last."

"Wait." Alfred quickly ties off his end of the rope. "What if I don't want to be a fluff?"

"Well I guess you have a fresh start since you lost your memory in the immunity challenge a couple days back. Although you did run around like a moron in the last immunity challenge." Jill brushed a bit of hair out of her eyes. "We all thought you got your memory back or something."

"Not hardly." Alfred looks deep in thought, when he suddenly snaps his fingers. "Jill you're pretty tough, can you teach me not to be a fluff. Plus I need like an alliance here, or I'm screwed."

Jill ponders the implications of such a venture for several seconds before answering.

"Sure."

Meanwhile the fist fight rages on and Billy's current whereabouts are unknown…

Tribal Council Area…

Wesker seems in unusually high spirits this fine evening, despite two black eyes, a broken pair of sunglasses, and various bruises from the stoning earlier. His rather chipper, yet equally evil, attitude certainly has to have something to do with tonight's vote. After all he has one more little surprise for the contestants of the show tonight, one more chance to cause them great emotional pain and suffering. Needless to say, given Wesker's unnaturally treacherous personality, he's enjoying his job quite a lot at the moment.

So as the tribe walks into the council area, looking majorly pissed off and tired, Wesker immediately breaks into a five minute evil laugh fest. This earns him more than a few dirty looks from the tribe members and countless death threats, though mumbled and a bit garbled as they are.

"You know, when he does shit like that…it scares me." Marcus says, shuddering a bit.

"It wouldn't be so bad, but I think that damn leech is laughing too." Jill mutters eyeing Bob, who is still perched on our evil hosts head.

I suppose you could call the little squeaking noises Bob is making laughter, but who can really say. While Wesker is wrapping up his laughter, he notices that Alexia and Carlos look like they both got run over by Mac trucks. Carlos has little wisps of smoke curling off his hair, a split lip, and a black eye. Alexia has numerous bruising around her neck and a gigantic bruise on her lower jaw. Wesker's evil smile brightens as he realizes the two must have gotten into a fight, apparently the new HCF tribe is just not getting along.

"Alright time to cast your votes. But before that I have to ask if Brad would like to give up his immunity to someone else."

"No _beeping_ way. "

"Ok then." Wesker is a bit shocked at this display of anger, but also finds it amusing. "Now you can't vote for Brad, but everyone else is free game…have fun."

Rebecca is the first to vote. She skips up to the pot, scribbles out the same name twice and holds up the card.

"I'm sorry Billy, but you're starting to outlive your usefulness. Well that and Marcus is kind of cute and he did beat you down like a little bitch a few days ago."

Rebecca smiles happily and skips back to her seat. Morpheus is next to vote. It quickly scribbles out a name and holds up the card.

"Nemmy, I'm sorry but I still don't like the whole _couple _thing with Alexia. Not to mention you could be a real pain in the ass in the immunity challenge department."

It drops the card in the pot and retakes it's seat. Brad is the next to vote. He quickly scribbles out a name and holds up the card.

"I'm sorry Morpheus but you scare me. I mean practically everyone on the former Umbrella tribe scares me, with the exception of Alfred, but you also creep me out. Sorry."

He drops the card in the pot and takes his seat. Carlos is next to vote. He hastily scribbles out the same name three times and holds up the card.

"Alexia…I hate you…you broke like of my ribs! DIE BITCH DIE!"

Carlos drops the card in the pot and takes his seat. Alexia is the next to vote. She quickly scribbles out the same name six times and holds up the card.

"Carlos…I hate you…you mussed my hair! DIE BASTARD DIE!"

She then drops the card in the pot and takes her seat. Alfred is next to vote. He scribbles out a name and holds up the card.

"Since I lost my memory I really don't know which one of you people I hate the most at the moment, but Morpheus is just creeping me out so I have to vote for him…err…her…uh…it?"

Alfred shrugs, drops the card in the pot, and takes his seat. Nemmy is next to vote. He scribbles out a name and holds up the card.

"starrsss….starrsss…starrsss…"

Translation: Rebecca and her whip is scary so I vote for her…even if she does look rather sexy in that black leather underwear combo…

Nemmy blushes a bit, no really he did, and quickly takes his seat. Jill votes next. She scribbles out a name and holds up the card.

"Morpheus, you're creeping me out. It was ok when I didn't have to sleep in the same camp as you, but the situation has changed…sorry."

Just as Jill returns to her seat, Billy finally shows up. Much to everyone's surprise and dismay he is still riding the Hunter. In fact Billy actually seems kind of fond of the damn thing. He gives the Hunter a little pat on the nose and saunters over to vote. Brad has now passed out…

"I vote for Morpheus, cause he creeps me out."

Billy smiles and heads back to his pet Hunter, who is idly chewing on Alfred's shoulder. Wesker seems to be completely and utterly dumbfounded at this entire display and appears to have no clue as to what to do about it. Write this down folks, probably the only time you'll see Wesker this confused. So while Wesker stands in dazed confusion, Marcus heads up to vote. He scribbles out a name, just like everyone else, and holds up the card.

"I didn't know who to vote for so I decided to embarrass the host."

Marcus smiles, drops the card into the pot, and takes his seat. Wesker snaps out of his confusion and rushes off to count the votes.

"Alright, when your name is read please bring me your torch." Wesker reaches in to grab the first card, then looks back at the survivors and smiles sadistically. "There is one teeny tiny thing I forgot to mention. Whoever is voted off from this tribal council on goes on…The Jury. In the end _they _will be the ones deciding who wins the million dollars."

After relishing in various cursing, sobs, moans, groans, fainting spells, and various cases of nervous breakdowns Wesker tallies the votes.

"Let's see here…Rebecca, Morpheus, Morpheus, Billy, Billy, Alexia, Alexia, Alexia, Wesker, Morpheus, Car…_WESKER_!"

Alright folks I was wrong…_YOU_ will be seeing Wesker exceptionally confused again, cause he is…right now…at this very moment.

Wesker flips back through the cards, until he comes to the one that had his name on it. He then stares at it for several seconds trying to figure out just what the hell went wrong with such a simple plan. All the survivors had to do was vote some poor shmuck off the island, was that really so difficult? Meanwhile the tribe members have broke down into giggles. Even the folks in the tree seem amused…

In the Tree…

"Can they really vote Wesker off?"

Claire has just voiced the same question everyone else is wanting to know the answer to.

"I…uh…I don't know." Chris shrugs. "Did they ever specify he couldn't be voted for?"

"Well no." Yoko looks as confused as Wesker at this point. "I think everyone just took it for granted that he couldn't be voted off."

"I wouldn't think he could be voted for, he is the host." Nicholai shrugged. "Then again the way this show goes…"

"You can't vote Albie off."

Everyone turns to look at Alex, who has a rather large book in her hand and Hunk's head in her lap. Bear in mind he still thinks Alex is his Mommy…sad isn't it?

"How do you know?" Claire leans over a bit trying to look at the book Alex is holding. "What is that you're reading anyway?"

"It's the rulebook for Survivor. Hunk had it. According to _paragraph C of section 18, page 145_ you cannot be voted off the island if you are a member of the Survivor staff."

"But Wesker works for the HCF." Annette is also leaning over to look at the book, while Birkin is taking notes. "So that rule doesn't apply to him."

"Guest hosts is covered in section 24." Alex sighs deeply. "So he can't be voted off."

The morale of the tree drops several levels at this news. Meanwhile…

Back at Tribal Council…

After getting over the initial shock of discovering some ignorant and potentially dead, should he ever get his hands on them, person had voted for him Wesker quickly read over the remaining votes.

"YES!" Wesker did a little jiggy dance, scaring everyone present. "Will the pink thong wearing Cuban…COME ON DOWN…you're on next contestant on…Being Thrown Into the Tree!"

Despite the fact that everyone thought Wesker had now completely snapped, they were overjoyed to know that Carlos would no longer be living among them. Brad actually broke down crying. Everyone in the tree was crying as well, but for a whole other reason. None of them wanted the thong wearing Cuban anywhere near them.

Carlos grabbed his torch and walked toward Wesker, mumbling various obscenities under his breath. Wesker put out he torch, grabbed Carlos by the neck, and was just getting ready to throw him when one of the producers came running into camera range. This would be the same female producer that called Wesker a _blonde bimbo_ several episodes back.

"You can't throw him into the tree!"

"Why not?" Wesker was still holding Carlos off the ground by the throat…it should be mentioned Carlos is turning a bit blue at the moment. "We always throw the morons voted off into the tree."

"But he's on the Jury you dimwitted blonde!"

"ca…can't…bre…bre…breath..." Carlos gagged, smacking Wesker on the arm.

"Don't call me a dimwitted blonde!" Wesker was still choking Carlos and completely ignoring him. "My damn hair isn't even blonde at this point, you idiot!"

"So, what, you're just a dimwit now!"

"…air…" Carlos is now very limply smacking at Wesker's arm…

"Look here missy." Still ignoring the fact he's killing Carlos. "I'm a bit tired of you insulting me…that is not in my contract!"

Meanwhile…

Back in the Tree…

"Holy shit!" Leon was just above the branch where Alyssa and Ada are tied to, looking through the binoculars. "Um…I know you guys don't want Carlos down here but if we don't do something Wesker is going to choke him to death while he argues with the Producer."

The team of former survivors spring into action…um…sort of anyway. Chris climbs up to take a look at what's going on, Hunk continues his nap, and everyone else starts making bets to see how long Carlos can hang onto life. It's sad when heroes go bad isn't it?

"You know if we still had ammo for Alex's magnum we could possibly save his life." Birkin is busy taking notes, he seems to do that a lot. "Of course that's providing we _wanted_ to save his life."

"Oh shut up!" Alyssa is pissed again, go figure. "I'm really sick of you guys bringing that up!"

"Alyssa…just die or something." It's the first productive thing Ada has said since getting thrown into the tree. "You keep yelling and Alex is just going to try to kill you again."

While Alyssa glares at Ada and everyone else starts making odds on Carlos' immanent demise, even Chris and Leon have gotten in on the action, Alex takes matters into her own hands and starts rifling through Hunk's tactical vest. I mean the man is always prepared he has to have something right?

She finally comes across two things that might help, a slingshot and a mouse. However, Alex is in for a rather large surprise…

"Oh…hello."

Alex holds the mouse by the tail and stares.

"Oh man…I…uh…oh man."

While Alex continues to stammer everyone else turns to see just what the hell she's been smoking.

"Um, could you maybe not hold me by the tail, that kind of hurts."

There is an audible _clunk_ as every jaw in the tree hits the ground below. These people had seen practically everything, but a talking mouse was a new one on them. Alex slowly nodded and set the mouse in one cupped hand.

"Thank you." The mouse dipped his head a bit, maybe out of politeness I mean it's a freaking talking mouse! "That really bothers my back being held like that."

"Ok, I've gotten infected with the T-Virus just one too many times." Alex shakes her head. "Who are you and how the hell can you talk?"

"I'm D.I.J. but you can call me Sparky." The mouse…err…Sparky dipped his head again. "I kind of got infected by some T-Virusand now I can talk."

"Hey wait, I remember you!" Claire has now officially had a thought pass through her head, it's a momentous occasion. "You're that mouse that leaped out of the locker at me back at the Antarctic base, the one with the journal!"

"I am indeed." Sparky smiled a bit…it's a stretch but work with me here people. "Hunk found me shortly after the whole base went up in smoke, good thing too I was turning into a mousecicle."

"Look Sparky, we have to save someone up there and Albie is scared of mice." Alex sounded pretty calm for someone talking to a mouse. "Could we maybe slingshot you past his nose?"

"Ordinarily I'd be more than happy to help, but I get airsick. Could you use the other mouse Hunk has in his pocket?"

Alex rolled her eyes, but dug around in Hunk's tactical vest again and finally came up with another mouse. Thankfully this one didn't talk. She shoved Sparky onto her shoulder, pushed herself to her feet, _loaded_ the spare mouse into the slingshot, sighted in, and let her rip…

Back at the Tribal Council…

Everyone present was starting to get the feeling that they wouldn't have to worry about Carlos being on the Jury. They were currently taking bets on just how much longer he was going to last. Hell the only reason they new he was still alive is because he was kicking his feet back and forth trying to hit Wesker.

"We can have you replaced you know!" The Producer was really getting flustered now. "You are not indispensable!"

"I have an unbreakable contract!" Wesker smirked. "And further more…"

Then all hell broke loose…

The mouse went zipping past the Producer and hit Wesker in the side of the head. He glanced down, let out a blood curdling scream, and threw Carlos straight in the air. He then proceeded to run around waving his arms wildly.

"SHIT!"

Chorused the entire HCF tribe, who proceeded to dive out of Wesker's mad rampage of complete idiocy. The Producer, in the meantime, was having a breakdown of her own.

"AHHH…GET THE CRANE!"

Without warning a large boom crane, with a rather large cage hanging off of it, swung into view. The operator somehow managed to catch Carlos before he fell into the tree with everyone else. With that disaster averted the Producer bounded off camera to go do some paperwork or something. The survivors disappeared into the jungle, desperately trying to get away from the freaked out Wesker. The mouse fell off the platform and landed back in the tree. With the mouse threat gone, Wesker promptly passed out.

The show's ratings have gone up by thirty points…

Back in the Tree…

Hunk is still napping, there is an argument as to how to settle the bets since Carlos survived. Though it appears everyone is overjoyed that he won't wind up in the tree. Alex is having a rather nice discussion with Sparky, who is still on her shoulder, about his brother, the mouse they slingshoted into Wesker's head who is now sitting on Chris' shoulder.

Just another day on the Island…

Next Time on Survivor…

More humor at the contestant's expense…

A haircut gone wrong…

Yet another immunity challenge…

Wesker meets a second sister…scary…

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A/N: Wow, this is longer than normal…yahoo for sleep deprivation and Mt. Dew. Anyway I hope you enjoyed, thank 'BK I got it' for the voting off of Wesker idea…you go girl! I also hope you like the addition of the talking mouse! BTW I wasn't quite sure of Carlos' nationality so he wound up Cuban…go figure. I think he's actually from Central America though…(wanders off to ponder that thought) 


	24. One Big Dysfunctional Family

A/N: Ok this may get slightly confusing, but the character I'm about to introduce is from an RP I do on an RE forum. She's basically the complete opposite of Alex. I thought it might be cute to throw her in there. I'm not sure how long she's going to stay though.

Sorry for the long wait, somehow I accidentally deleted the entire chapter. I had to rewrite it…sorry…

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HCF Camp…**

And so our happy survivors return to camp, though I must say they don't seem as happy as they should considering they just voted off the thong wearing South American. A quick background check cleared up the whole Cuban thing. Anyway, getting back to the matter at hand.

The Survivors are not as happy as they should be because they now know that anyone they vote off will wind up deciding who will win the million dollars. This means that all the scheming and plotting must be done in secret. Of course with this group you can be relatively sure that nothing will be kept a secret for more than five minutes.

"What do you mean you voted for me!" Billy looks completely and utterly astonished, can't say I blame him. "We are supposed to have an alliance!"

"Well who else was I going to vote for?" Rebecca rolled her eyes. "Besides, you got your ass handed to you by Marcus and he's even cuter than you!"

While we hear the audible _clunk_ of Billy's jaw hitting the ground, Rebecca spins around and saunters over to the campfire to join Marcus and Morpheus. Incidentally, Rebecca managed to keep her vote a secret for a full twenty minutes…

On the Beach…

Wesker seems to be a bit out of sorts this morning. It could be because he's still bruised up from the stoning yesterday, but it more than likely has something to do with the mouse incident at last night's tribal council. Next time he saw Alexandra he would definitely have to have a little 'talk' with her about exposing family secrets.

The survivors stepped onto the beach to find Wesker deep in thought and forgoing his usual evil laugh fest. This only made them worry more than usual. They assumed that he was dreaming up new and painful ways of torturing them. Unknown to them, he was merely thinking up new and painful ways of torturing his baby sister. After another ten minutes of thought Wesker finally spoke.

"What a beautiful day for an immunity challenge."

There were several mumblings about wanting to kill the host and someone even mentioned sending out for a hit man.

"Now, now, I'm sure everyone is simply going to love this immunity challenge." Wesker grinned evilly, while Bob squeaked his approval. "Now then, follow me."

Meanwhile…in the dense foliage…

A small figure crept lightly through the undergrowth, following Wesker and the survivors toward the immunity challenge set up further down the beach. The figure kept themselves hidden lest the cameras or their prey spot them. The figure in question appears to be a young woman, dressed in black combat fatigues, a black psuedo-turtleneck, and black combat boots. A pair of dark sunglasses sit perched on her nose, hiding her eyes. Her hair is almost bleach blonde, short, and slicked back. In her hand she's carrying a .50 caliber Desert Eagle magnum, an MP-5 is slung over her shoulder, and a 9 mm berretta is tucked into the front of her pants. Whatever she's hunting she appears to be ready to kill it with extreme prejudice.

As the survivors on the beach come to a halt in front of a massive cage, at least twice the size of the R.P.D. lobby, the woman edges toward the beach…

Meanwhile…in the tree…

Chris edged a bit further out on the branch, trying to catch a glimpse of the figure hiding in the dense foliage near the beach. Below him, everyone else was having lunch.

"I'm getting sick of bananas." Claire moaned, peeling her snack. "Aren't there any bats or giant T-Virus infected moths left?"

"Afraid not." Annette was busy peeling her own banana. "We ate the last of the moths two nights ago and the bats ran out four nights ago."

"Just eat the damn banana and be thankful." Leon growled, wrestling with a coconut. "At least you can get into your dinner."

Meanwhile…back on the beach…

Wesker was finally staring to feel more like his evil self, now that the survivors had seen the newest immunity challenge. His evil joy was only going to escalate once they found out exactly what it was they had to do. All in all it was turning into a fine day for our host. Unfortunately that was about to change in roughly four seconds…

…4...

"Alright, you guys are simply going to love this."

…3...

The survivors glanced at one another, perhaps thinking that this would be the last time they would be seeing each other alive.

…2...

"Aw, come on, it's not going to be that bad." Wesker's grinned broadened. "Don't you trust me?"

…1...

Just at as the entire tribe was about to collectively inform the host that NO they didn't trust him, a loud gunshot echoed across the beach. Everyone present froze like a deer in the headlights as three more shots echoed. Wesker was the first one to speak on the situation.

"Holy shit!"

Ok, now Wesker freaking out did nothing to help the contestants feel any better so what happened next was not exactly surprising. Everyone present took off running. Suddenly the sound of automatic fire filled the beach, which only made everyone on said beach panic further.

"Ack! Hold still you blonde bimbo!" A female voice shouted from the foliage. "How the hell am I supposed to shoot you?"

Alfred let out a high pitched scream and dove behind a nearby boulder.

"I'm not trying to shoot you Alfred!" The voice yelled, sounding rather sympathetic. "I'm trying to shoot Albert damn it!"

Now this exceptionally loud proclamation caused the entire tribe to come to a skidding halt and turn their faces toward Wesker, who just happened to be hiding behind a boulder at the moment looking confused. The tribe then looked at one another, perhaps trying to deicide how best to assist the young person in the bushes with the demise of the host. However before they could come up with a proper plan Wesker leapt from his hiding place and sped off toward the foliage.

"YOU HURT BOB!" He screamed diving into the dense shrubbery in pursuit of the elusive suspect. "I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

The tribe turned to look behind the bolder and low and behold there was poor little Bob, bleeding quite badly at the moment. Marcus glanced at Rebecca and they both hurried over to see if anything could be done. Meanwhile a young woman came flying through the air and landed at Brad's feet. The woman coughed a bit and lifted her head. There was an audible gasp from everyone assembled. The reason for this being that the young woman had lost her sunglasses somewhere and without them the tribe could get an excellent look at her face. The short haired blonde was none other than Alexandra Wesker…

"Owww…" She stumbled to her feet and brushed a bit of sand from the front of her shirt. "He gets so pissy sometimes, all over a stupid leech too."

Seconds later, as everyone stood looking confused, Wesker came crashing out of the brush.

"Alexandra you are so dead!"

Then from the tree came this reply…

"What the hell are you talking about!" Alex sounded a bit pissed at this point. "I'm still in the tree you _beeping_ moron!"

Now this loud declaration only caused more confusion to the poor people assembled, with the exception of the Alexandra look alike who was busy brushing sand from her combat uniform. Brad was the first to speak.

"I'm confused."

"You aren't the only one." Jill glanced first at the girl in front of them then at Wesker. "She looks just like Alex."

"Well I should." The girl reached down and flicked sand off of her sunglasses before sliding them on. "I _am _Albert's sister."

Meanwhile in the Tree…

"What did she just say?" Ada asked, trying to get a better look at the beach. "Did she just say she was Wesker's sister?"

"Yea, she did." Yoko inches out a bit farther on her branch, also trying to get a better look at the beach. "How many sisters does he have anyway?"

"Alexandra, what…" Nicholai turns toward the branch where Alex was sitting, then does a double take. "Where the hell did she go?"

"I don't know, but Chris is gone too." Alyssa smirks. "Good riddance too!"

"My but things are becoming interesting." Birkin is busy taking notes…again. "I wonder what is going to happen next!"

Why don't we head back to beach to find out!

Meanwhile, back on the beach…

While everyone present stares at one another with looks of confusion, Alex and Chris show up. The looks of confusion get worse…

"Well, well, well…Ice." Alex walks over to her double. "Why and the hell are you here?"

"Oh just trying to kill Albert." Ice smirks a bit. "What are you doing here?"

"I was invited." Alex crosses her arms. "And here I thought you came to see Brad."

"Brad!" Ice looks around frantically. "Where!"

Alex points to Brad, who just happens to be standing right behind Ice. Ice lets out a squeal of joy and throws her arms around Brad's neck.

"My little snuggle cakes." She croons, kissing him. "I missed you!"

Can I just say that the looks of confusion have reached the point where trying to describe them would become impossible. Even Wesker has no idea what's going on. Though it seems that Alexandra certainly does.

"Alex, just who is this girl?" Chris looks from Ice to Alexandra, then back again.

"Personally I'd like to know why she looks just like you?" Rebecca asks.

"Wait, isn't Ice supposed to be Hunk's mother?" Morpheus asks.

"But why the hell is she swooning over Brad?" Billy asks.

"And why did she sound so sympathetic when Alfred thought she was shooting at him?" Marcus asks.

"starrsss…"

Translation: Why does she want to kill Wesker?

"Does she work for Umbrella or is she a good guy?" Alexia asks.

"How did you get out of the tree?" Alfred asks.

At this question everyone just sort of gives him a funny look. In the meantime Ice continues to cover Brad with kisses.

"I'll give you the short answer." Alex takes a deep breath. "Ice is Albert's site, real name Christina Ann Wesker. She works for Umbrella on Team Biohazard. Yes Ice is Hunk's mother, but this is a different Ice. Ice looks exactly like me, but with shorter hair, because she is me…in a sense. Ice is what would have happened had I gone a bit insane instead of joining S.T.A.R.S. She's a _what if _character. The polar opposite of my own personality. She's swooning over Brad because they were engaged before Raccoon City went to hell. She was sympathetic to Alfred because they were married at one time. She wants to kill Albert because she blames him for Alfred's death. We made a rope out of some extra clothing, that's why Chris doesn't have a shirt on."

Alex finishes her speech panting. I mean damn that was a long thing to be saying on a single breath.

"That was the _short answer?_" Wesker shakes his head. "Whatever, just keep her occupied while I administer the immunity challenge."

There is a universal groan among the assembled survivors. I think they were hoping Wesker would forget about that, with everything going on.

"Now then everyone is going to climb into the cage. Last one standing wins immunity. Brad I need that pendant back."

Brad manages to break away from Ice long enough to hand him the pendant, it takes the combined efforts of Alex and Chris to finally pull her off of him so he can proceed with the immunity challenge. Everyone lets out a long sigh and trudges into the cage. On the way by Marcus plops Bob into Wesker's hand, a thoroughly bandaged but none the less alive Bob I might add. Wesker shoves Bob onto his head and locks the cage door, smiling evilly.

"Use any means necessary to stay alive and/or conscious. Oh and I forgot to mention the Chimeras that we are throwing into the cage as well."

As if on cue, because it is, a large crane drops a dozen pissed of Chimeras into the cage through the opening in the top. The top hatch is quickly closed and locked.

"Let the screaming begin!"

Wesker plops down in his lawn chair, grabbing a beer.Alex and Chris somehow manage to restrain Ice from running into the cage to defend her beloved Brad, while in the meantime the contestants freak out.

"I'm going to die!" Brad screams trying to hide behind Jill. "They're going to eat me!"

Jill is busy having a fist fight with Alexia. Nemmy and Morpheus are going at it like a couple of drunks. Marcus is currently beating the shit out of Billy, despite the assistance from Billy's pet Hunter. Alfred is running from both Rebecca and two Chimera, that apparently like his perfume…creepy.

"That's it!"

Rebecca rips of her clothes and goes to work on Alfred with the whip, he is unconscious in three seconds. Ice does not appear pleased with this outcome.

"Leave my husband alone you _beeping beepedy beep BEEP!_"

Alex just rolls her eyes and continues to hold Ice back, Chris is a bit freaked out at this point in time. Meanwhile Jill finally gains the upper hand on Alexia and tosses the screaming woman into the path of five Chimera, she's unconscious within five seconds. Marcus delivers a well placed kick to Billy's jaw, which sends him flying into his Hunter, the two of them then crash into Brad, and the entire little group crashes into the side of the cage. The three of them hit the ground unconscious. This leaves only Rebecca, Nemmy, Jill, Morpheus, and Marcus standing.

"AHHH!" Morpheus lets out a blood curdling scream and reaches toward it's head. "You ruined my hair!"

Indeed Nemmy had, how or why the seven foot B.O.W. was carrying a pair of scissors is probably a question better left unanswered. Outside the cage Wesker is laughing his ass off at Morpheus' misfortune, poor tyrant thing lost like eight inches of hair and all, while Ice is swearing to rip Marcus to shreds and eat him for injuring her poor little snuggle cakes. For those of you not paying attention that would be Brad.

"I cut his heart out with a spoon!" Ice screeches.

Back inside the cage, Rebecca is reeking havoc with her whip. So far she's knocked out three Chimera, in addition to poor Alfred, and now has her sights set on Jill. Jill takes off like a jack rabbit on crack and ducks behind Marcus. In the other corner Morpheus has completely lost it's mind and is currently banging and unconscious Nemmy's head into the side of the cage.

"That will teach you to screw with my hair you overgrown moron!"

Rebecca does a flying leap over Marcus and brings her whip crashing down on Jill's head.

"Pretty birdie…" Jill stammers before hitting the ground.

Seizing the opportunity Marcus clothes lines Rebecca as she attempts to run toward Morpheus. Rebecca is out before she hits the ground.

"Oh that had to hurt." Wesker takes another swig of beer. "Only Morpheus and Marcus left."

While Morpheus is still busy beating up the already unconscious Nemmy, Marcus sneaks up behind it and bashes it in the head with Rebecca's whip.

"Game over!"

Wesker pulls himself out of his chair and unlocks the cage door. The remaining Chimera, nine in all, rush out heading straight for Chris and Alex. Both of them glance at each other, release Ice, and take off for the tree.

"RUN AWAY…RUN AWAY…RUN AWAY…" They scream in unison.

Wesker hands the pendant to Marcus, then turns to deal with Ice. However she has disappeared in the commotion. Somehow Wesker does not feel this is a good thing.

"I'll see everyone tonight at tribal council."

Wesker then scuttles off looking for a place to lay low…

Next Time on Survivor…

Who has become obsolete?

Cast your votes!

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A/N: Wow, another long chapter. Well I hope everyone liked it, again sorry for the delay. And no, I'm not sure if Ice will remain on the island or not. I have not yet decided.

Now, who are you going to vote off, you can vote for anyone even Marcus. You're choices are:

Nemmy, Alfred, Alexia, Morpheus, Marcus, Billy, Brad, Jill, and Rebecca.

Cast your votes today!


	25. Tribal Council 12

A/N: Guess what friends and loyal readers, we had another tie. Three way this time. Since I caught a lot of flack for choosing the tiebreaker myself I decided to do this fairly and picked a random name out of a hat. So that's how the final choice was made this time. As for Ice returning, I got a lot of mixed reactions to her so her return is still up in the air.

Now may the madness continue…

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**

HCF Camp…

It took at least two hours for the survivors to get back to camp. The reasons for this was due to the various injuries received during the immunity challenge, being harassed by several Chimeras, and having to drag an unconscious Nemmy back to camp. In fact, poor Alexia appears to have thrown her back out. Everyone else is nursing various wounds and bitching about the upcoming vote, except Morpheus who may in fact be having a nervous breakdown about it's hair…or lack thereof…

Yup, you guessed it. Our brave, and perhaps suicidal, cameraman heads into the danger zone to find out just what our survivors are thinking about. Of course what the survivors are thinking about usually involves the killing and/or maiming of some poor unfortunate teammate. Maybe they've been hanging out with Wesker a bit too long…

Anyway…

"I'M GONNA KILL HIM, THEN TURN HIS BODY INTO FISH FOOD!" Morpheus yells, running its fingers through its extremely short haircut, it kind of has that whole Rebecca haircut going on. "JUST LOOK WHAT THAT BIO-ENHANCED FREAK DID TO ME!"

The cameraman vigorously nods his agreement, it helps that Morpheus has him by the throat and is shaking him. So while Morpheus abuses our poor cameraman let's switch to cameraman B, who has just cornered Billy.

"Oh that little Rebecca _beep_ is going down. Vote for me will she?"

Billy then breaks down into sinister laughter, Wesker would be so proud. Cameraman B slinks off, lest he be injured like poor Cameraman A, and corners Brad.

"Well I wanted to vote for myself, but Nemmy scares me, plus he did kill me back in RE 3." Brad shrugs. "Vengeance is a _beep_."

Cameraman B then goes to passive mode, while paramedics try to revive Cameraman A. Meanwhile we spot Jill and Alfred deep in conversation.

"So my first step toward anti-fuffdom is to vote for my sister?" Alfred looks a tad confused, but hey that's normal for him.

"Indeed it is, plus it will more than likely calm the vicious incest rumors that have been going around about you."

"Uh…yea, it would be good not to have that rumor going around."

Tribal Council Area…

Wesker stands near the railing, looking unusually worried. In fact I'd say he looked downright paranoid. I suppose it could have something to do with all the Chimeras running around the island but more than likely has something to do with the whereabouts of Ice. Three of the shows private security force were found bound and gagged shortly after they were sent out to locate her. Since then, due to the cost of insurance and workman's compensation, the show has decided not to pursue her. Wesker has been rather paranoid ever since, even Bob has been unusually quiet.

While Wesker's gaze searches the tree line for Ice, the contestants show up. They cast wary glances at Wesker and take their seats. However Wesker is so intent upon his _Ice Search, _that he doesn't even hear them arrive. Five minutes later Wesker still hasn't figured out that they are there and several of the survivors are becoming a bit board. Finally Jill, fed up with waiting, walks over and taps him on the shoulder. What happens next is so completely out of character for Wesker and hilarious we plan on selling the tapped material to _Worlds Funniest Videos._

"AHHH!"

Wesker jumps ten feet in the air, while screaming like a five year old girl on helium, spins around, and decks Jill. Jill goes flying through the air, hits Brad, who in turn hits Alexia, who in turn hits the barley conscious Nemmy, and the entire group hit's a nearby tree before tumbling to the beach below in a pile of broken and bruised body parts.

"Opps." Wesker turns a bright shade of crimson and slides off camera.

In the Tree…

"Mommy look at the people fly!" Hunk jerks on Alex's shirtsleeve, pointing at the group of survivors that have just hit the tree. "Can I fly someday?"

"Uh…yea honey, now you watch the cute people." Alex turns back to Birkin and Annette pointing out several key points on a drawing. "Mommy's busy."

"Oh damn…that had to hurt." Ada, finally released from being tied to the branches, cringes as the flying contestants hit the ground. "I think they are definitely going to need an Advil after that fall."

"No kidding." Leon says.

The tree living survivors nod. Then return to what they have been doing for that last few hours…trying not to get eaten by the six Chimeras stalking them beneath the tree, oh and screaming of course.

…Requisite Commercial…

..The Following advertisement is brought to you by **H**arvard **C**hemical **F**oundation…

"Are you tired of zombies running around your backyard, ruining your flowerbed, and eating your pets? Tired of T-Virus outbreaks that get your entire city blown up by a nuclear bomb? Just plain disgusted by those promises Umbrella makes about getting rid of those Hunters that have thus far killed your entire family? Or how about the damage done to your home when several heavily armed U.B.C.S. agents knocked down your door, shot up the living room, and kidnapped your spouse for experimental purposes?"

"We at Harvard Chemical Foundation, or HCF for short, understand your plight. We understand that Umbrella Inc. is responsible for the problems you now find yourself facing. Such as:

Lurkers

Zombies

Giant Man Eating Leeches

Eliminators

Giant Bats

Giant Moths

Ivy (The B.O.W. not the plant)

Cerberus

Tyrants

Hunter Betas

Hunter Gammas

Chimeras

Crimson Heads

…and on…and on…and on…and on…

"The list is indeed long and we, unfortunately, don't have the time to list them all. However we at the HCF care about these problems. That's why we are offering, free of charge, our special agents to assist you in ridding your premises of these problems. All we ask in return is a small donation to our **Take Umbrella Down Because They're Competition in Our Ruling The World Scheme** fund. Just one dollar can make this a better world under our firm yet just hands."

"As an added bonus, if you call in the next five minutes, you will be registered to win a free **Home Extermination** from Albert Wesker himself!"

"Call now and receive these two free gifts: **Guidebook to B.O.W. Pests Umbrella Has Created** and a copy of **Why the HCF Would be Much Better at Ruling the World.**"

"Save what few reaming family members you have…call the number at the bottom of the screen…"

HCF Number: 1-800-UMB-SUKS

"Remember Umbrella is an evil pharmaceutical company, unlike them…we care…"

Back at Tribal Council…

Several packets of smelling salts later Jill, Brad, Nemmy, and Alexia seem to be doing better. Well not counting the bruises and broken bones of course. Everyone is glaring at a severely red faced Wesker, who is still trying to keep up his evil appearance and failing miserably at it.

"Um…Marcus would you like to give away your immunity?"

"No." He snaps, petting one of his leeches. "No way in hell, Sparky."

"Ok!" Wesker claps his hands together and attempts to smile cheerily. "Bring in the Cage!"

The steel cage from the last tribal council is dropped behind Wesker. Carlos glances at the survivors while munching on a Double Cheeseburger from MacDonald's and reading PSM magazine. He gives a little wave then returns to the article about Cold Fear.

"Time to vote, Marcus cannot be voted for." Wesker forces another fake grin to his face. "Remember whoever is voted off goes on the Jury!"

Alfred is the first to vote. He scribbles out a name, the same one five times, and holds up the card.

"Alexia sorry, but I'm working on not being a fluff and you are an obstacle that must be overcome."

He smiles, drops the card in the pot, and takes his seat. Alexia votes next. She walks over, a bit hunched over thanks to re-injuring her back in the fall, and scribbles out the same name three times.

"Alfred this whole anti-fluffdom thing is just stupid. Plus you have sided with Jill and that I cannot forgive."

She drops the card in the pot and retakes her seat. Billy is next. He walks over to the pot, Fluffy trailing behind him like a lost puppy. What kind of a name is Fluffy for a Hunter, guy is starting to go fluff on us or something…

Anyway Billy scribbles out the same name three times and holds up the card.

"Payback Rebecca…payback…"

He then breaks out in evil laughter again and drops the card in the pot before returning to his seat. Wesker is quite impressed with the laughter , I might add. Nemmy is next to vote. He staggers to the pot, writes out the same name five times, and holds up the card.

"starrsss….starrsss….starrsss…"

__

Translation: Morpheus you are a girly…um…thing…die…

Nemmy takes his seat and it's Jill's turn. She drags one severely broken leg behind her. She scribbles out a name and holds up the card.

"I want to go home…"

She drops the card in the pot and drags herself back to her seat, where she breaks down crying. Brad is next. He stumbles over to the pot and somehow manages to scribble out a name despite the fact his right arm has been fractured in six places.

"Nemmy, you killed me back in RE 3...that sucked, go away."

He drops the card in the pot and takes his seat. Morpheus is up next. It scribbles out the same name six times and holds up the card.

"I HATE YOU NEMMY DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH AND MAY HUNGRY ZOMBIES EAT YOUR EYEBALL AND TENTICLES!"

Morpheus drops the card in the pot and takes its seat. Rebecca is up next. She scribbles out a name and holds up the card.

"Hate you Billy."

She smiles rather sweetly and skips back to her seat. Marcus is the last one to vote. He swaggers up to the pot, scribbles out a name, and holds up the card.

"I'm not sure who to vote for so I'll vote for Brad. He's kind of sweet and just doesn't want to be here anyway."

Marcus smiles and heads back to his seat. Wesker quickly collects the pot and counts out the votes. He turns a pasty shade of white and breaks out in a cold sweat when he realizes just who it is he has to throw into the cage.

"Nemmy…bring me your torch…"

Due to the graphic nature of the following scene we are unable to allow you to view the images. We don't want to get sued by irate parents and/or government officials. Please be happy with the following dialogue…--

Images of cute puppies and kittens playing together dances across the televisions of America with this for background:

Rebecca: Damn…I didn't know an arm could bend that way…

Nemmy: starrsss…STARSSSS!

Wesker: Not the hair!

****

CRAAAAACK! Followed by… SWACK…followed by floppy fish noise…

Jill: I think I'm going to be sick…

Brad: Ewe…is that a tentacle on the ground?

Wesker: That was my best pair of sunglasses!

Nemmy: STARRSSS!

Billy: Oh damn…that has got to hurt…

Alfred: Uh…should that bone be sticking out like that?

****

THUD…WHAP…CRUNCH…

Marcus: Um…Albert you might want to have that looked at…it's bleeding a lot you know…

Alexia: WHIP HIS ASS BABY!

Wesker: (coughing and wheezing)

Nemmy: (panting)

Morpheus: WHIP HIS ASS ALBIE!

Thank you for your cooperation, we now continue with the program already in progress--

The survivors stare as paramedics cart off a moaning lump that used to be Wesker and the producers remove the cage containing a big puddle like thing that used to be Nemmy. The survivors then look at one another, shrug, and head back to camp…

Next Time on Survivor…

Yup, another immunity challenge…

A hurricane is arriving…

Alexia finds a new 'boyfriend'…

We meet the winner of the 'HCF Home Extermination Sweepstakes'…

Stay tuned…

* * *

OT: I hope this chapter is better than the last one. Oh and I hope everyone got the joke about _1-800-UMB-SUKS, _UMB standing for Umbrella that is. Though as sharp as my readers are I'm sure everyone got it. I'm sure all of you can guess just who will be winning the HCF sweepstakes…I love self-insertion…


	26. Ashley's in Trouble Again

A/N: I'm sorry this is late, I was sick last week. On with the hilarity…

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HCF Camp…

The group limped back to camp. Everyone was in a particularly good mood, I mean there is nothing that will make a person happier than to watch a Treacherous Bastard get his butt kicked by and eight foot B.O.W. with tentacles. Ok, so maybe Alexia wasn't in that great a mood. I mean she did lose her boyfriend, but everyone else is happy.

In fact we currently find Alexia sitting by the fire crying. Everyone else is having a party with some of Wesker's stolen beer. Everyone that is but Billy.

"Come on Alexia, it's ok." Billy sat down, poking the fire with a stick. "I'm sure you'll get along fine."

"I just miss him so much!"

Alexia then throws her arms around Billy's neck and continues crying. This appears to freak Billy out for more than several seconds. Finally the whimpering subsides and Alexia lifts her head.

"You know, you're kind of cute…"

Down on the Beach…

The morning after the fight at Tribal Council finds Wesker in particularly bad shape. Bob is not sitting on his head this fine morning, instead he's sitting in the sand with a leash wrapped around his middle. The reason Bob is on the ground with a leash is because Wesker has several rolls of bandages wrapped around his head. In fact you can only see little snips and snatches of his hair peeking out. His right arm is in a cast, reaching right up to his shoulder. Under that injured arm is a crutch. Why does he have a crutch you might be wondering? It's because his left leg is in a cast, broken in five places. His face is covered in bruises and band aides, his right eye covered by a large tapped on bandage and yet he's still wearing his sunglasses. The final bit of medical equipment Wesker has on him is a neck brace. Our host looks like he just survived a car crash.

Needless to say Wesker is not in the best of moods, in fact you could say he was in a rather sadistic mood. I suppose his mood isn't being helped by the fact that the weather has turned rather crappy. The sky is a dark gray and the wind has picked up blowing rather strongly. That would of course explain the truly sadistic and evil immunity challenge he has planned for the HCF tribe.

Speaking of the HCF tribe…

The tribe wanders onto the beach, none of them looking the worse for wear. Even, Jill, Alexia, and Brad look to be in surprisingly good health, especially considering the injuries suffered last night. It would appear that Rebecca found some herbs in the jungle last night, in between her drinking binge and flirting with Marcus. You just got to love those herbs you know, too bad Wesker didn't have any.

Anyway…

The sight of our injured host brings more than a few smiles and good feelings to the assembled tribe members, a couple of them are even laughing about it. That's going to change in about two seconds.

"Go ahead and laugh you little gnomes of uselessness." Wesker sneered, or attempted to anyway. "Wait till you see what I have in store for you today."

That immediately shut them up. Wesker grinned and hobbled down the beach toward the newest immunity challenge. The survivors shrugged and followed after. When they arrived at the challenge area they came to a dead halt, staring open mouthed, eyes as big as saucers. Several people whimpered, a couple prayed…two fainted. Wesker grinned like a cat with a fresh mouse to play with.

"As you can see my sadistic nature knows no bounds." Wesker smirked and barked out an evil laugh, which in turn caused a great amount of pain to his fractured ribs. "I'm hoping at least one of you die."

Ten feet of the beach was covered by a bed of hot coals. Near the water was several strings of razor wire. In the water itself the survivors could see sharks and salt water crocodiles swimming around. Beyond the ravaging beasts was a net and across the net, at least two miles off shore, was a blonde girl tied to a buoy screaming her head off, and a single skidoo.

"The object of the challenge is simple. Transverse the coals, go through the razor wire, avoid the ravaging beasts, climb over the net, swim out to the captured girl, rescue her, bring her back on the skidoo, carry her back through the razor wire, over the hot coals, and set her on this pedestal." Wesker hooks a thumb over his shoulder to a large red and white pedestal behind him. "Only two rules. The girl has to be carried from the water to the pedestal. She has to be breathing when you drop her on the pedestal. Any questions?"

Jill raised her hand. "What poor unfortunate innocent did you kidnap for this sadistic immunity challenge?"

"Ashley Graham." Wesker held out his hand for the immunity totem. "Fork it over Marcus."

Marcus reluctantly handed the glasses over, while the rest of the tribe thought about the implications of kidnapping Leon's sidekick from Resident Evil 4. Most of them don't think it's that big a deal. However the opinion from the tree is a bit different…

In the Tree…

"THAT SADISTIC _BEEEP!_" Leon is hanging from one of the upper branches, the only thing keeping him from bailing out is Chris and Nicholai. "I'M GONNA RIP HIS _BEEPING _HEAD OFF!"

"Leon calm down." Chris is desperately trying to wrench Leon back into the tree. "I'm sure she'll be alright."

That does not calm Leon down and he continues to shout obscenities in the direction of Wesker and the other survivors. William, Annette, and Alex are ignoring this whole incident, opting instead to focus on a plan to get off the island and somehow avoid the hurricane William thinks is headed in their direction. Everyone else is almost hoping Leon will fall and maybe occupy the chimeras that are still circling the tree. Hunk is taking a nap…

Back on the Beach…

Wesker is taking more than a little pleasure in Leon's pain. "Ready?"

"NO!" From everyone gathered.

"Too bad…GO!"

Wesker hobbles to a nearby wheelchair, sipping on a Bahama Mama. The tribe looks at one another, not for the first time debating just how much each of them really wants that million dollars. I guess their greed, and probably the need to pay off some bills, finally wins out over common sense and the survivors take off…

"HOT…HOT…HOT…HOT…"

Alfred screeches his way across the coals, hopping from one foot to the other. Alexia seems to be having the easiest time and simply mutates into her alternate form and walks stately across the coals. Rebecca, Jill, and Marcus are running as fast as humanly possible, looks of pain clearly etched on their faces. Brad is making almost Matrix like leaps to get as far across the coals without actually having to touch them. Morpheus is tiptoeing through the coals, in an almost Zen-like state. Billy has just learned a very powerful lesson about fire and alcohol based cologne…he's on fire…

Alexia is the first to dive through the razor wire and screams bloody murder as part of her hair gets hung up. Morpheus doesn't seem to having much problem with it's hair getting hung up, but it is rather tangled in the wire. Billy completely bypasses the wire by doing a flying leap into the water to put himself out. Jill has grabbed Rebecca, thrown her over the wire, and is climbing over her screaming and bleeding body toward the water. Brad is crawling thought the wire, sniveling and trying not to wig out even more than he already has. Alfred has bypassed the wire by running around out, I'm not sure if that is allowed or not. Marcus has impaled several of his surviving leeches in order to use them as cushioning to avoid getting cut.

Beyond the wire, Billy is having issues with a large crocodile trying to gnaw his foot off. Alexia has finally reached the water and is trying to get past a rather large shark. Morpheus has somehow found it's way onto the back of another shark and is trying to direct him toward the net. Marcus is using the leeches he didn't use on the wire as bait to get the sharks and crocodiles to go the other way. Rebecca and Jill are trying to drown each other. Brad is having a rather vigorous fight with another crocodile, he's chewing on the poor animal's tail. Alfred is having a nervous breakdown and the ravaging animals appear to be afraid of him…

Finally our survivors get over the net and now the real fun begins…

"Back off bitch!" Morpheus screams, grabbing Marcus by the hair. "I need that immunity!"

"Kiss my ass you…you…thing you!" Marcus yells, biting Morpheus' arm.

"Die you sadistic bimbo!" Jill is trying to strangle Rebecca with her own whip.

"That's for going to Jill's side!" Alexia is repeatedly punching Alfred in the face.

"I'm sorry my sweet sister!" Alfred breaks down crying, guess he got his memory back. So much for Anti-fluff lessons.

"Now who's the toughest girly man!" Brad has snapped and is trying to drown Billy. "Bet you thought it was funny when Nemmy killed me in RE ! Or how about in Camp Umbrella when you sic Nemmy on me…HUH!"

Billy is just sort of flailing around and gurgling. The individual battles rage on, much to Wesker's delight back on the beach. He's on his fourth Vicadin and Bahama Mama and feeling really good…

"Back off tube top trollop!" Rebecca elbows Jill in the nose.

Jill falls back in the water, bumping into Alexia and Alfred. This causes much more chaos as Alexia and Alfred both attempt to strangle Jill, but for far different reasons. Rebecca takes this opportunity to climb on top of the buoy, untie Ashley, and hop on the skidoo.

"Hold on Blondie!"

"My name…AHHHH!"

Rebecca hit's the throttle, mowing down Billy, Brad, and Morpheus in the process. It only seems to lull the fighting for a few seconds, as the boys are right back at each others throats moments later. Rebecca gives the skidoo more power, blasts through the ravaging beasts, hops the razor wire, crashes through the hot coals, and comes to a skidding halt right on top of the pedestal. Hey, no one said she had to actually get off the skidoo to get there.

Wesker stares at her for several seconds. "Damn girl…that chick still breathing?"

"Yea, but she may have turned into a turnip." Rebecca pokes the now comatose Ashley who falls off the skidoo, eyes wide open, body contorted in the fetal position. "She may need a few days to recover."

"Well you win Becky." Wesker hands over the glasses and pulls out a bullhorn. "Challenge is over!"

It takes twenty minutes for the other survivors to reach the beach, all of them are in various degrees of pain and abusment. They are also extremely not happy, but then again no one is ever happy on this island. Wesker pulls his battered body out of the wheelchair.

"Tribal council tonight. You guys can…" Wesker suddenly turns to glance behind himself. "What the hell is that?"

Slowly every head turns upwards to see a large black chopper with the words _HCF_ painted on its side. The chopper swings around and comes in for a landing. As it touches down, two people step out and walk quickly toward the assembled survivors. Wesker recognizes Jonathon Avery, his assistant. He has no clue who the 5'2", blue eyed, short haired blonde is wearing the tube top and mini skirt.

"Mr. Wesker!" Avery shouts, running over to him. "You recall the whole HCF Sweepstakes thing right?"

"Oh yea." Wesker nods. "This the winner?"

"Uh…yes sir." Avery looks a bit uneasy. "She uh…calls herself…the…uh…Wesker Chick."

Wesker's eyes widen and he swiftly starts to limp away, but he is tackled to the ground by the Wesker Chick. Those Rabid Fan Girls are dangerous you know.

"Albie!" She shouts wrapping her arms around his neck. "We are going to have so much fun…I have handcuffs and butterscotch syrup."

"Someone kill me…"

The tribe members scurry off, lest the Wesker Chick do something to them…

Next Time on Survivor…

Who will be voted off?

* * *

A/N: I hope you enjoyed, took me a bit to come up with a good immunity challenge. Who will be next off the island? Your choices:

Alfred - Alexia - Morpheus - Marcus - Billy - Brad - Jill - Rebecca

Cast those votes!


	27. Tribal Council 13

A/N: I'm finally going to update. I apologize for taking so loooong, but it's been a busy couple of months. BTW you guys bombarded me with votes…yeesh it took forever to read them…

Also it was pointed out to me several times that I listed Rebecca as a possible vote despite the fact that she had immunity. The reason she is voteble is because you have the ability to give away immunity. So basically if she had gotten the most votes I would have made her give up her immunity then gotten voted off the island.

Anyway, on with the story…

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**

HCF Camp…

Despite the prospect of the horrible tortures Wesker could be going through at this moment in time, the tribe is not in exceptionally high spirits. They'd probably be happier if Wesker's ruin had shown up before the next immunity challenge, instead she showed up right before the vote. Hence the reason everyone is in a pissy mood. Well I suppose they are also in a pissy mood because it has been raining and hailing for the last two hours, not to mention that the wind has picked up to at least ten miles an hour.

Speaking of being in a pissy mood, the cameraman has just cornered Jill, who is looking a bit bruised at the moment.

"Those two imbeciles!" Jill was turning a bright shade of red and looked ready to throttle the cameraman. "I'm gonna vote for both of them!"

As she broke down into Wesker-like laughter the cameraman beat a hasty retreat and cornered Billy.

"Oh I know just who I'm going to vote for…" Billy grinned an evil Wesker-like grin. "Everybody thought Rebecca is so cute and innocent, but now they know the truth, and the little _beep_ is going down!"

The cameraman slowly slunk away, probably to write his resignation. Apparently the contestant's slow change from normal, although I suppose a few were already maladjusted, people into Wesker-like marauders of pain and destruction has caused more than a few members of the Survivor crew to quit. That is of course not counting Cameraman A who, sadly, died of the injuries inflicted upon him back in Episode 25. Not to mention that poor cameraman who had to be sent to the rest home back in Episode 23.

Long story short, Survivor is having a personnel crisis.

In the Tree…

We'll leave the HCF camp for now and see how our friends are fairing in the bad weather. From the look of things, not too well.

Chris and Alex are huddled together around one of the tree branches, hanging on for dear life. Hunk is squished between the two of them, bawling his eyes out while Sparky and his brother are sitting comfy in Alex's bra.

Claire and Leon have apparently patched up their differences for the moment and have tied themselves to the branch above Chris and Alex. Alyssa is still tied to her branch and screaming her head off about it. This is probably due to the fact that every time the wind picks up a bit, she swings around the branch like a yoyo. Ada and Nicholai are strapped to another branch as are Yoko and Annette. At the moment William seems to be the only one not with a partner and is barley hanging on to the branch by Annette. Annette does not appear to be distraught over her husband's plight.

…Requisite Commercial…

…The Following advertisement is brought to you by Umbrella Inc…

"It has come to our attention that our competitor, Harvard Chemical Foundation, sponsored an episode of this fine show. During their advertisement time they then proceeded to trash our companies good name. We at Umbrella Inc. cannot sit by and allow a competitor to do this, a legal suit is pending."

"However the damage may already be done. So we are here to set the record straight. We did NOT cause the outbreak in Raccoon City, nor the outbreak on Sheena Island, nor the outbreak at the Spencer mansion, nor the outbreak on that Cruise liner. Those incidents are completely unrelated and in no way our responsibility."

"The incident it Raccoon City was merely the result of a lab accident which was blown completely out of proportion. Was it us who sent in a team of F-16's to bomb the city? I think not. As for the Spencer mansion, well that was industrial espionage. The whole Cruise liner incident was the work of terrorists. Sheena Island was the result of outside interference by a former cop sent there by another former cop."

"We are blameless for these incidents, as many our friends within the government have repeatedly stated on tape in front of cameras."

"Unlike HCF, who freely admit to hiring a treacherous bastard and elevating him to one of the most trusted positions in their company. Not only that, but they sanctioned him to attack one of our facilities, resulting in the death and/or zombification of numerous valued employees. But apparently one installation was not enough, their 'yes man' had to attack an innocent weather installation, we just happen to own and operate, in the Antarctic and cause it's destruction as well."

"I do hope everyone at home is now at ease. We are not the bad guys here, HCF is. They plot, they attack, they slander, and all in hopes of stealing you away from us. But it will not happen, we here at Umbrella Inc care about your well-being, they do not."

"Help support Umbrella Inc by sending us a small contribution to aide in our legal suit against HCF. Please call the number listed below:"

1-800-HCF-SUKS

…Umbrella Inc…Helping the community one miracle at a time…

Tribal Council Area…

Normally this is the part where I describe our treacherous host being in fine spirits and relishing the upcoming vote and all the misery it must be causing our contestants. Unfortunately for our treacherous host I can't tell you that. What I can tell you is that our treacherous host is in exceptionally low spirits and is contemplating suicide at this very moment.

Why may you ask?

Well I'm pretty sure it has something to do with the 5'2" blonde Wesker Chick who just happens to be wrapped around his waist, wearing his sunglasses, and dressed like Alexia. She hasn't let him out of her grasp since she landed on the island seven hours ago. In fact she is contemplating doing various things to him that would only be proper to show you if this was a 'Girls Gone Wild' video. On the plus side she brought some green and red herbs with her, so he's no longer all banged up.

So, Wesker is not happy as the tribe finally makes it's way to the tribal council area. The contestants take one look at Esker's plight and find it vastly amusing, they comment on it by laughing at him. Wesker sulks even more which, unfortunately for him, Wesker Chick finds cute.

"My cute little Albie." she croons and snuggles closer. "Sulk all you want, it's adorable."

"I know Rebecca isn't giving up her immunity and I have finally resigned myself to a fate worse than death, so just go vote and my pain can end that much sooner." Wesker now breaks down crying. "Just kill me now…"

The contestants look at each other, giggle, shake their heads, then burst out laughing. After about twenty minutes of this, even Billy's Hunter seems to be laughing, they finally get themselves under control long enough to vote. Billy is up first, he scribbles out a name and holds up the card.

"I hope you rot in hell Rebecca."

He then Wesker-laughs and sits back down. Alexia is next.

"Alfred I still cannot forgive you for choosing the tube top trollop over me."

She drops the card in the pot and sits down. Alfred is next, he writes down the same name four times and holds up the card.

"Alexia I still cannot forgive you choosing the bio-enhanced freak of nature over me."

He sits down and Morpheus is next. However instead of writing out a name, it glares at the camera, flips it the bird, and takes it's seat. Brad is next, he walks quickly past Billy's hunter and writes out a name.

"Yea, I'm back to wanting to go home again."

He then sulks and takes his seat. Marcus is next. He scribbles out the same name nine times and holds up the card.

"Ok you, whatever you are, time to go!"

He drops the card in and now it's Jill's turn. She stalks up to the jar, scribbles out two names and holds up the card.

"Alexia, Alfred…**_BEEP YOU_**!"

She then smiles daintily and takes her seat. Finally it's Rebecca's turn. She scribbles out a name and holds up the card.

"Bye, bye Billy!"

She drops in her card and takes her seat. Wesker walks slowly to collect the voting jar, dragging Wesker Chick along with him, and starts counting out the votes…Back in the Tree…

What our tree bound friends have noticed, that our contestants busy enjoying Wesker's plight have not, is that the wind has now started blowing even stronger and the sky is turning an angry shade of black. Everyone is still hanging on for dear life. Except poor William who somehow managed to get lodged between Leon and Claire when his strength finally gave out. Leon and Claire do not find this amusing, even if Annette thinks it's funnier than Monty Python on crack…Back at Tribal Council…

"Morpheus that is nine votes, please go to the cage."

However the cage does not swing into view. Instead we hear the voice of the show's producer over a bullhorn.

"COULD YOU MAYBE TOSS HIM OVER HERE! THE HIGH WIND IS CAUSING US SOME ISSUES!"

Wesker sighed heavily, grabbed Morpheus by the back of the neck, and tossed him over the railing. There is a loud crash then a heavy clang noise. This is followed by a squeal of delight from Wesker Chick, marveling at Wesker's strength no doubt, who promptly squeezes him tighter and proceeds to cover his face in kisses. More than one of the contestants is now ill and several hundred female fans at home now want to see Wesker Chick die a horrible, painful, and somewhat gruesome death.

"THANK YOU!"

Suddenly, though I can't say without warning as the storm has been raging for several hours, the hurricane comes into view. Everyone at tribal council, with the exception of Wesker, who is crying again, and Wesker Chick, who is cooing over Wesker, start screaming bloody murder. Even the Hunter gets into the act, huddling behind Billy and whimpering.

And if that wasn't scary enough something even more sudden, and kind of unexpected, happens. The tree, to which the former contestants and Alex have been exiled to, flies over the tribal council area.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

The screaming continues until both the tree and the former contestants are out of sight. I really must admit that those confined to the tree certainly had a good set of lungs on them. Upon seeing this everyone scatters like a pack of heroin addicted chickens on a good high…

**Next Time on Survivor…**

**Wesker's suffering does not end…**

**Another immunity challenge..**

**A reward challenge…**

**We find out where the tree bound exiles landed…**

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A/N: I hope everyone enjoyed and I do hope my long absence has helped improve my writing.!


	28. Wesker Chick Takes Over

A/N: To answer a question posed in one of the reviews…Yes, basically the immunity doesn't mean anything…at least not yet…

I am so evil, aren't I?

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HCF Camp…The next morning…

The HCF tribe are not happy, but are they ever?

Truth be told they are in an even worse mood than they were the night before. Not because Morpheus got voted off, everyone is exceptionally happy that thing is gone. No, they are all pissed off because most of their camp got blown away in the hurricane. A few of the tribe members are wishing that some of their tribe mates had been blown away as well, but that is a whole other issue.

"Look at this place!" Alexia whines. "Do they really expect me, the great and beautiful Alexia Ashford to live in this pig sty!"

The cameraman, hereafter referred to as Cameraman G, splutters a bit trying to come with an answer. Alexia shakes her head, massaging her temples.

"It was a rhetorical question you peasant."

She then wanders off to spread more misery to her wayward brother. Cameraman G quickly escapes, thinking these people are psycho. Unfortunately for him, Cameraman G has no idea what happened to his predecessors. I mean when your name is G you have to wonder what happened to A through F.

On the Beach…

W.C. flicks a bit of dust from her Code Veronica Wesker rip-off combat outfit and adjusts her stolen Wesker sunglasses. She is extremely excited to be hosting the show today, especially the immunity challenge and reward challenge. You can tell by the malicious Wesker-like grin on her face.

A few seconds later the HCF tribe wanders onto the beach, Billy riding his hunter Fluffy. They all stop dead in their tracks, open mouthed and staring, at the sight of W.C. dressed like her little Albie. There is a lot of confusion on this beach folks, but that is really nothing unusual is it?

"What the hell are you doing here?" Alexia snaps.

"Where's Wesker, he's not hurt is he?"

Despite the look of concern on Jill's face, she looks anything but sympathetic. In fact the thought of Wesker being injured puts a genuine grin her face. W.C. shakes her head.

"No. He's…uh…tied up with something at the moment…"

Wesker Chick's Apartment…

"Help!"

It seems W.C. was not lying when she said Wesker was tied up with something. In fact he's tied to that bed with several somethings. Including some high tensile steel cable and a couple logging chains. He doesn't look to happy about it either.

"I swear I'll never do anything evil again…JUST GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!"

Back on the Beach…

"Since my cute little Albie is currently indisposed, I'll be giving you your immunity challenge today." W.C. smiles. "Oh and there is a reward challenge as well, isn't that nice?"

The tribe members look at each other and shrug. Most of them figure this shouldn't be too hard, after all W.C. can't be nearly as evil as Wesker. Finally they nod. W.C. smiles and motions for them to follow her.

"Alright then, first the immunity challenge." W.C. motions to a large banner behind her. "This is a race. From here you will circle the island, following the arrows through various areas. First one back here wins immunity. Simple. Oh and Billy you can't ride your Hunter."

Right at this moment the entire tribe decides that W.C. is not nearly as vindictive as Wesker. In fact none of them think to ask her what the catch is, boy are they going to regret that. The survivors spread out under the banner, while Billy's hunter catches some shade under a nearby tree. W.C. smiles and pulls out a DE magnum, pointing the barrel toward the sky.

"Ready…set…GO!"

She fires a single shot into the air and the survivors take off. Just as they round the first corner a large T-Virus moth hit's the ground at W.C.'s feet. She looks up into the sky, glances at the gun in her hand, then looks back at the moth. Which, incidentally, has a rather large hole through the middle of its chest.

"Opps, I hope those things aren't endangered."

W.C. grabs the bat and tosses it to Fluffy, who promptly eats it in one single gulp. She giggles and pats the thing on the snout.

"Let's have a look at our lovely contestants, shall we?"

Fluffy screeches a reply while W.C. examines some conveniently placed video monitors.

Marcus is in the lead, followed closely by Billy, then Brad, then Jill, then Rebecca, and then Alfred carrying Alexia. The latter is beating the former with a large stick and screaming at him to go faster. Thus far they have run into nothing unusual, that is about to change in five seconds.

Marcus rounds the corner, following a bright red arrow to the left. Suddenly he comes to a skidding halt.

"What the…"

Billy, unable to stop in time, slams into Marcus and they both go head first into the small pond in front of them. The rest of the tribe comes to a halt, looking both sickened and surprised. Marcus and Billy are not happy.

"AHHHH! Something's on my foot!"

Marcus beats at the rather large T-Virus infected leech attached to his leg. Apparently his 'babies' have abandoned their master after the way he mistreated them in the last immunity challenge. Billy is having somewhat better luck, as he has managed to climb onto one of the nearby stepping stones.

The rest of the tribe looks at one another and decides that W.C. **_is _**as vindictive as Wesker and curse her name several times, causing the censors to beep out the next five minutes of conversation. Finally Jill braves the water and starts jumping from stone to stone across the pond. Everyone else follows with Alfred/Alexia bringing up the rear. Marcus is still having leech issues and might be out of the race for good, in fact one of the leeches has attached itself to his face.

"MMMM….MMMMM!"

Back on track Billy takes over the lead and makes a right, following the next arrow. He's going to regret that.

"Holy…SHIT!"

Two Chimeras drop from the palm trees, right on top of Billy. Jill quickly passes him, eyes on the trail, followed by the rest of the survivors. Billy continues to wrestle with his attackers.

"GET OFF OF ME!"

He is not winning. Back on the beach, W.C. is laughing and drinking beer. Yea, she's exactly like her cute little Albie. Back on the trail, Jill decides that being out in front is not the best of ideas. She drops back, allowing Rebecca to pass her. Rebecca glances back at Jill and laughs, even going so far as to call her a few very un-nice names. But it's Jill who winds up laughing last when Rebecca suddenly flies sideways, attacked by two hunters.

"AHHHH! That BITCH!"

I'm assuming she's referring to W.C.. Jill points and laughs then proceeds on her way, following another arrow into some heavy foliage. Without warning a large vine snakes around her legs and lifts her off the ground. Jill is now in the grips of Plant-42. Jill screams her head off as the plant flings her around like a rag doll. Alfred and Alexia pass this display, with Alexia laughing and pointing at Jill.

The survivors are now halfway around the island…

Alexia is still laughing at Jill's plight, when a large T-Virus bat swoops down and grabs her by the hair.

"Alfred you get up here and help me!"

Alfred glances up at his screaming sister as she is carried into the tree tops by the bat. Taking one single moment to actually think, yes folks mark this momentous occasion in your minds, he decides he'd rather have the immunity. He speeds up as Brad draws along side him.

The survivors are now more than ¾ around the island…

Brad and Alfred are neck and neck, when a large cloud of green gas floats into Brad's face. Brad coughs, gags, and finally passes out. A large Ivy shambles out of the foliage and picks Brad up by the ankle, it then disappears back into the tree line. Alfred ignores the whole scene and slides under the banner.

"Oh goody, Alfred wins."

W.C. smiles brightly and hands Alfred Sherry's locket. He slips it over his neck, smiles stupidly, and passes out from exhaustion.

"Well, I suppose we should gather up everyone else, we still have reward challenge. Come on Fluffy."

While W.C. rides Fluffy out to retrieve the other survivors, let's see what our former tree bound refuges are up to…

Somewhere on the island…

"Oooo…my head."

Alex sat up, rubbing at a large knot on the back of her head. Sparky scampered out of her bra to sit on her shoulder.

"Where the hell are we?" He squeaked, looking around the dense foliage. "Are we still on the island?"

"No idea, maybe…"

"MOMMY!"

Alex went tumbling backwards and Sparky went flying through the air as Hunk tackled Alex to the ground.

"I was so worried!"

Alex patted him on the back as he began to sob into her shoulder. A few seconds later Chris and Leon walked over. Chris was a bit bruised up and there were twigs in his hair. Leon was shirtless and his chest was covered with scratches.

"Where is everyone else?" Alex asked, trying to get out from under Hunk. "They alright?"

"Well, Alyssa is stuck in a tree screaming bloody murder. Yoko is setting Claire's arm, she broke it in the fall." Chris sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Nicholai is sick, flu or something. Ada is digging a hole for William while Annette tries to clean him up a bit."

"He's dead?"

"So it would appear." Leon said, scooping Sparky off the ground. "Probably when he hit the ground."

Alex finally got out from under Hunk and stood up. Hunk continued to cry wrapped around her waist. She sighed and motioned for Leon and Chris to lead the way. She dragged along behind them, Hunk still sobbing.

A few minutes later they arrived in a clearing. The tree they had been in during the hurricane lay at an angle, the roots supported by some trees and the top dug into the ground.

"Get me down from here!" Alyssa screamed from a nearby tree. "I am not going to be stuck in another **_beeping_** tree! Do you hear me down there! I swear…"

A rock came flying from Yoko's direction, smacking Alyssa in the head and knocking her unconscious.

"Damn she is annoying." Yoko snapped, turning back to Claire. "She's a royal pain in the ass."

"Tell me…owww!" Claire cringed as Yoko pulled the bandages tight. "That hurts."

"Duh."

Alex shook her head and followed Leon and Chris toward where Ada was digging a hole. Suddenly a hand shot up and grabbed Alex by the ankle. Alex spun around to find Nicholai staring up at her looking a bit insane.

"The bunnies…at night I can hear the bunnies screaming…beware the bunnies…BEWARE!"

"Yea, bunnies, right."

Alex slid out of his grip and hurried to catch up with Chris and Leon. Ada was about seven feet into the hole, so you could only see the top of her head and the tip of her shovel as the dirt flew through the air.

"Why the hell do I have to dig the **_beeping_** hole? He's not my **_beeping_** husband!"

The three passed by Ada and her complaining and finally stopped where Annette was kneeling over her husband's body. And I must say she looked anything but sad. In fact I'd go so far to say she looked ready to have a party.

"Poor, poor William…_giggle_…I'm gonna miss you…_snort_…you were the love of my life."

Finally she broke into a fit of giggles. Leon rolled his eyes and headed back to help Ada. Alex and Chris just looked at each other and sighed. Then something very surprising happened.

"I'm not dead." William mumbled, trying to get up. "I'm fine."

Annette quickly snapped around and put her hand over her husband's mouth.

"He's lying, it's just muscle's twitching. You know, death throws and stuff."

"Uh-huh." Chris and Alex said in unison. "Really?"

"I'm fine…really I am." William mumbled, pulling at his wife's hand. "I think I'll go for a walk."

"You'll be stone dead in a moment, just shut up." Annette hissed, looking around for a rock to bash him with. "Really, he'll be dead in seconds."

Chris reached out and grabbed Annette by the left arm, Alex grabbed the right. They then proceeded to drag her past everyone and out of the clearing, all the while she was screaming.

"My one chance! And that moron can't even get himself properly killed!"

Back on the Beach…

"Oh my, wasn't that fun?"

W.C. beamed at the survivors, all in various states of pain. Marcus was babbling, pale from blood loss, and covered in nasty red leech sucky marks. Billy was covered in Chimera slashes and moaning softly to himself. Rebecca was rocking back and forth, covered in deep scratches and mumbling something about 'the screeches'. Jill has some nasty bruises on her ankles and is so dizzy she can't even see straight. Alexia is covered in moth dust, has lost a substantial amount of hair, seems to have a large green growth on her back. Brad is having acid flashbacks and is drooling from the gas. Alfred is the only one still in one piece.

"Hrmm, I guess from the silence that would be a no." W.C. shrugs. "Oh well, now the reward challenge. And the reward is…"

W.C. stepped back and pulled a sheet off of the table behind her. Despite the pain and agony the survivors all perk up with awe and wonder. On the table is a gold herb, two cases of beer, and three pizzas.

"All you have to do is…" W.C. smirked. "Kiss me. Whoever gives me the best kiss wins."

The men all jump to their feet while the three girls look at each other, confusion etched on their faces. But the smell from the pizzas is too much so they too jump to their feet.

Jill is the first one there and plants a big one on W.C.'s face. W.C. decks her, knocking her flat on her ass.

"Ewww…you're a girl!"

Alexia and Rebecca quickly sit down. Jill's unconscious form is enough to dissuade them from trying. Billy trots up, grabs W.C. by the shoulders and kisses her full on the mouth. W.C. reaches up and slaps him across the face.

"That sucked, next!"

Billy stumbles back toward the girls, while Alfred tries his hand at wooing the young W.C. He plants a hand on each side of her face and kisses her. A second later he stumbles back to the Billy and the girls, a large red mark on the left side of his face. Marcus trots up and gives her a peck on the cheek…he too stumbles back to sit down sporting a red mark.

"You're the last one Brad, make it good."

W.C. smirks at him, but Brad seems unusually confident. He stalks over, slides both arms around her back, bends his knee so she's swept down a few inches from the ground, and kisses her. After a few seconds W.C.'s arms come up around his neck and she kisses him back. Finally Brad pulls back, stands up, and rights W.C. into a standing position.

"Wow." W.C. blushes a bit. "You win, come on."

W.C. grabs him by the back of the shirt and pulls him along behind her.

"I forgot to mention that part of the reward was getting to come home with me."

Brad lets out a blood curdling scream and tries to get away. What he winds up doing is landing flat on his stomach being drug by his ankles.

"AHHHH!"

Deep furrows of earth are dug up as Brad is drug off. The remaining survivors steal the beer, pizzas, and gold herb then hightail it back to camp…

Next Time on Survivor…

Who will be voted off?

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A/N: Well, hope you like it. Who has got to go? Your choices:

Alfred - Alexia - Marcus - Billy - Brad - Jill - Rebecca


	29. Tribal Council 14

A/N: Sorry about taking so long. My web site has been taking up a lot of my time these last couple weeks.

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HCF Camp…

The tribe heads back to camp, all of them sporting very large red marks on their faces and contemplating just how much joy killing W.C. would bring them. Jill and Rebecca are a bit worried about what may have happened to poor Brad. Cameraman H, G disappeared during the hurricane, corners Jill.

"Well who knows what that evil vile woman could be doing to him?" Jill shudders a bit, just thinking about it. "I mean, it's one thing to torture Wesker he pretty much deserves it. But, poor Brad…he's been tortured enough during the games."

Cameraman H nods his agreement then wanders off to corner someone else.

"Poor, poor, Brad." Rebecca shakes her head. "Poor, poor, poor, poor, Brad."

While Rebecca continues to lament over what may or may not be happening to Brad, Alexia is delivering vast amounts of punishment to Alfred.

"How dare you leave me to be attacked by T-Virus infected moths and bats?"

Each shouted word was punctuated by a loud slap to Alfred's head. Alfred, for his part, was doing his best to escape, but failing miserably at it.

W.C.'s Apartment…

"Let me out of here!"

Brad is beating against the closet door, which is padlocked and steel reinforced, trying to get anyone to listen to him. However, the only person within shouting distance is Wesker, stripped down to a pair of black silk boxers and still tied to the bed.

"Shut up Vickers, you're giving me a headache!"

"You shut up!" Bard snaps, ceasing his pounding. "You're a bio enhanced freak of nature, can't you do something!"

"If I could have gotten out of here, don't you think I'd have done it by now you moron?"

"Look here blondie, I…ewww."

Wesker lifted his head up, looking uncharacteristically worried, and stared at the closet door.

"What does _ewww_ mean?"

"I just stepped on something…_soft_."

Wesker glanced toward the door of the room, then looked back at the closet. Not only does he look worried, he now looks scared.

"Tell me it is **_not_** a dead body."

"Well, it's a foot and it's connected to a leg. But I think it's breathing."

"Who is it?"

"I don't know, it's kinda of dark in here…give me a minute."

Wesker listens intently as there are some shuffling sounds from within the closet. Finally, after five minutes, Brad's harried voice filters into the bedroom.

"It's a guy."

"I don't want to know how you found that out." Wesker looks ready to hurl. "I really don't."

"I didn't feel him up you pervert. I'm just making the assumption that W.C.'s door doesn't swing both ways because of the whole "Kissing Jill" thing at the last immunity challenge. Besides, women don't usually tote around big ass swords on their backs."

Before Wesker can comment a new, slightly deeper voice joins Brad's from the closet.

"Buddy, let go of my leg."

There is an audible thud followed by a small crash.

"Sorry." Brad squeaked. "I was checking to see if you were still alive."

"Thanks for the concern." The voice is deep and sarcastic. "Unfortunately I am still alive and **_still_** trapped in this damn closet. By the way, name's Dante and the guy you're standing on is my brother, Vergil."

There are a few more crashing sounds, followed by some cursing. Wesker cranes his head up further, like that is going to help him to find out what is going on.

"Brad what the hell is going on in there!"

"Get off me you ignorant moron!" Vergil snaps, getting to his feet. "How is a person supposed to sleep?"

"Umm…well Wesker it's kinda hard to explain." Brad sounds more than a bit confused. "But it looks like W.C. has been kidnapping characters for a while now."

"Who are you talking to?" Dante's voice filters into the room, sounding a might concerned. "She's not back is she?"

"God I hope not." Vergil snapped. "Crazy bitch."

"No, she's not back, that's my ex-boss, Wesker." Brad sighed heavily. "W.C. kidnapped him too."

"Ooooohhhh." Vergil and Dante say in unison. "That's the new toy she's been playing with."

Before Wesker can explode is some semblance of his normal evil anger, something wet plops onto his head. Wesker's eyes shot up and he let out a sigh of relief. There was a soft squeak of joy and the wet thing slid off his head to his arm.

"Bob…thank God, get me out of here…"

Tribal Council Area…

W.C. is grinning wildly, now dressed in Claire's outfit from Code Veronica, and still wearing Wesker's sunglasses perched on her nose. Currently she imagining all the fun things she can do with Brad when she gets back to her apartment. While having her slightly X-rated fantasies, involving some whip cream and a pair of handcuffs, the HCF tribe shows up.

The tribe looks around warily before sitting down. By now all of them are more than slightly alarmed at Brad's absence. They are also more than slightly concerned at the current look on W.C.'s face. Finally W.C. snaps out of her wicked fantasies and smiles at them.

"How is everyone today?" Her grin widens. "Enjoy the pizza."

There is a murmur of yes among the survivors.

"Oh good. Due to a minor problem I'm afraid Brad won't be joining us. I'm positive that Alfred doesn't want to give up his immunity so let's vote, shall we?"

IMPORTANT NEWS BREAK

"We interrupt this broadcast to bring you some late breaking news from the courthouse in downtown New York City. As know this is where the Umbrella Vs. HCF civil trial is going on. We go live to our correspondent in the field, Christina Wesker."

"This is Christina Wesker, live in front of New York City supreme court." Ice smiles brightly for the camera. Hey, everybody needs a day job. "Moments ago a fight broke out between Umbrella CEO, Ozwell Spencer and Harvard Pharmaceutical CEO, Commander Vincent. The fight was apparently instigated when Commander Vincent accused Sir Ozwell Spencer of being, and I quote, **An idiot with a stupid accent and dumb company name.**"

"Sir Spencer retorted with, and I quote, **Well at least I'm not an ex-employee with bad hair!** The situation deteriorated from there. We will be covering this story as it develops. Back to you Margaret."

"We now return you to the show already in progress."

Tribal Council…

Alexia glared at the assembled tribe members. W.C. was still smiling brightly and holding the voting jar. Alexia jumped to her feet, screaming, pouting, and generally acting like a spoiled brat.

"How dare you vote me off?" Alexia mutated, waving her arms around, spraying fire everywhere. "I cannot be voted off! I WILL NOT BE VOTED OFF!"

While the rest of the tribe took cover, W.C. slipped on a pair of asbestos lined gloves and grabbed Alexia by the back of the neck. The cage came into view and W.C. threw her inside. This of course caused poor Carlos, Nemmy, and Morpheus to completely freak out and attempt to escape. Screams of pain could be heard as the cage disappeared from sight. The rest of the tribe looked at each other and scattered into the trees.

W.C. shrugged, dropped the gloves, and skipped off camera…

Somewhere on the island…

Alex leaned against Chris, fanning her face with a large palm leaf. Skippy and his brother sat perched on her head, sleeping. Leon and Claire were sitting under a nearby palm tree, cracking open a few coconuts. Nicholai had finally recovered from his flu and was off in the trees with Ada…you don't want to know what they are doing. Alyssa was still hanging unconscious from the tree, no one seemed to care. Yoko was cooking a couple formerly beautiful exotic parrots. Near the fire Hunk was playing with some random sticks, while Birkin examined him to try and figure out how to reverse his amnesia.

"Umm…can I please be let out now?"

There is a universal **_no_** from everyone conscious. Annette sighs glumly, resting her head on the dirt. She is currently buried up to her neck in the hole Ada had been digging for William earlier. Needless to say she in not happy.

Back at W.C.'s Apartment…

W.C. threw her door open and skipped happily into her bedroom.

"I'm home!"

Her smile slipped as she stared at the now vacant bedroom. The chains she had tied Wesker to the bed with were empty and the closet door was standing wide open. Her eyes fell to the floor and the slim leech trail leading from the bed out the bedroom window. She sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"I lose more video game characters that way."

At a bar far far far away from W.C.'s apartment…

Dante, Vergil, Brad, and Wesker are now plastered and singing various folk songs. Unfortunately Wesker and Brad are so drunk they do not see the two Survivor Producers sneaking up on them with a net…

Next Time on Survivor…

Wesker and Brad return to the island…

A new painful immunity challenge…


	30. Drunks and Lickers What Fun!

HCF Camp…

As usual, no one seems to be missing the recently voted off survivor. Hell even Alfred looks somewhat happy that his precious sister is gone. It probably has something to do with the numerous bruises covering his head and face from where she slapped him around before the tribal council.

Everyone goes about their normal business of whatever it is they do, except Billy. Billy heads over to Alfred, Fluffy trailing along behind him like a lost puppy.

"Alfred I need to have a word with you."

Alfred glanced up from the fire he was attempting to build, looking more than slightly concerned.

"Whatever it is I didn't do it."

"No, I need an alliance with you. You and I are the only ones without an alliance. I mean…"

Billy trails off as a body falls into the sand. He glances up at the chopper hovering above them, then back down at the body, and finally back up at the chopper. The show's producer gives a little wave, before smacking the pilot in the back of the head. The pilot mumbles a few obscenities and steers the chopper away.

Meanwhile the body moans slightly then suddenly jumps to it's feet. The body is none other than Brad, looking extremely drunk and wearing a kick ass red coat. In fact, it's none other than Dante's coat from the first DMC game.

"Hey everybody!" Brad slurred, throwing an arm around Fluffy's neck. "I escaped, ya don't gotta pay the ransom."

"Where the hell did you get the coat?" Rebecca asked, handing Alfred some herbs.

"Dante gave it to me!" Brad grinned widely, kissing Fluffy on the snout. "You're a cute little hunter, did you know that?"

There is an audible _thunk_ as everyone's jaw hit's the ground…

On the Beach…

Wesker is standing on the beach with his trademark sunglasses and Bob on his head. Other than that our host does not look at all like normal. He's barefoot, bare-chested, wearing black pants and a long kick ass blue coat…and for some unknown reason his hair is white. The show's ratings have now jumped by 120 points.

The HCF tribe wandered onto the beach, with Brad riding Fluffy…backwards. They take one look at Wesker and realize that he's as drunk as Brad.

"Hey there my nice little victims!" Wesker gave the tribe a drunken wave. "Are we ready for our happy, happy, joy, joy immunity challenge…yea?"

"Oh my God…" Jill moaned, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Just shoot me now."

"Where the hell did you get that outfit?" Marcus looks unnaturally surprised. "And what the _beep _happened to your hair?"

"Oh well we had this, like, poker game and I, like, lost the first hand so, like, Vergil dyed my hair white, then, like, he lost, like, the second round so I got his pants, then, like, he lost the third round, so, like, I got his coat."

The horror and confusion our survivors are experiencing is so profound I am unable to put it into words. Wesker just pulls off a drunken evil-like grin as Brad falls off Fluffy. Finally Alfred breaks the silence.

"Did anyone catch how many times he said _like_?" Alfred shuddered. "He sounded like a sorority girl."

And in unison the other survivors reply.

"Five."

"Alrighty! Time for, like, the immunity challenge…yea!"

Wesker skipped down the beach, his blue coat billowing out behind him. The survivors shudder and follow after him, with Fluffy dragging Brad by the back of his coat.

Wesker came to a stop in front of a large walled in coral, with the wall being roughly four feet in height. He grins at the survivors and hands each of them a seven foot length of rope.

"All you have to, like, do is, like, rope the animal and, like, hog tie it…yea!"

Wesker opens the gate to the coral, falling on his ass in the process. The survivors groan loudly and march into the coral, except Brad…who staggers. When the last survivor is in, Wesker kicks the gate closed.

"First one to, like, get their animal, like, tied wins the, like, immunity. Need that, like, necklace there Alfie."

The pendent lands on Wesker's head and falls into the sand, he doesn't seem to notice. Several minutes pass as Wesker attempts to open a cage adjacent to the coral. He finally manages it and six Lickers bound into the corral with our survivors. This of course causes the normal response.

"AHHHHHHH!"

"_BEEP_!"

"SHIT!"

"I HATE THE HOST!"

"I HATE THIS SHOW!"

"I LIKE HAM!"

This last response was, of course, from the drunken Brad. And, as usual, the chaos begins.

The first thing Rebecca does is shed her clothes and pull out her whip. This causes all of the survivors to look at one another and move as far away from her as possible. However her plan is undone as one of the lickers whacks her upside the head with his tongue, causing her to lose her whip. She looks at her empty hand, screams, and hides behind Billy.

"Oh no, not this time Honey."

Billy grabbed Rebecca by the back of the neck and threw right into the middle of the Lickers and the screaming starts a few seconds later. This seems to upset Marcus, who decks Billy. Billy in turn decks Marcus…and the war is on.

Meanwhile Jill and Alfred are both trying to sneak up on the same Licker, while Brad is sitting on the ground singing. Jill manages to rope the Licker and jerks him backwards. This does not exactly impress Alfred.

"Hey! I saw him first!"

Alfred pouts, picks up a nearby rock, and throws it at Jill. The rock hits her right between the eyes and knocks her backwards over another Licker. Her screams now join Rebecca's.

At the other corner of the coral Marcus and Billy are having probably the largest and most brutal fist fight the show has yet seen. And with this group, that's saying something.

Alfred has finally managed to wrangle one of the Lickers, but gets clawed in the face while trying to tie its back legs.

"AHHHHH…MY EYES!"

Alfred runs around in circles, trampling both Jill and Rebecca in the process. Brad has his arm flung around one of the Lickers and they are both singing…if you can call that hissy squeaking noises the Licker is making singing.

Finally one of the Lickers gets tangled in Rebecca's lost whip. As it tumbles into the ground, tying itself up basically, the survivors pounce on him. There is much screaming, fists are flying, and obscenities are coming so fast the censor is getting carpel tunnel from hitting the _beep_ button.

"Back off bitch!" Rebecca yells poking Jill in the eye.

"Why you little…" Jill belted Rebecca in the face with a rock.

"Get off of me you little twit!" Billy yells as Marcs crawls over his back.

"Don't call me a twit you degenerate!" Marcus screams, biting Billy's ear.

As the battle rages on Alfred somehow gets a hold of the whip and drags the Licker out from under the pile, the other survivors don't appear to notice. He drags the animal through the gate and collapses at Wesker's feet.

"You, like, win!"

Wesker drops the pendant over Alfred's head and gives a sharp whistle. The four remaining Lickers bound out of the coral and head into the trees. The one Brad has bonded with is still singing, so he just stays where he's at.

"I'll, like, see you later!"

Wesker skips off camera as the fight continues within the coral, with the fighters completely oblivious to the fact the immunity challenge is over…

Somewhere on the island…

Just as our formerly tree bound survivors are preparing to haul Annette out of the hole, the four Lickers come bounding into the clearing.

"SHIT!" Alex let's go of Annette and scales a nearby palm tree like a monkey. "Albert and his _beeping_ immunity challenges!"

The others quickly seek cover in the neighboring trees, except Annette who currently has a Licker licking her face.

I wonder how long it's going to take before they realize Lickers can climb trees?

Next Time on Survivor…

Who is getting thrown into the cage?

CAST YOUR VOTES!

* * *

A/N: First, I'd like to thank Twilight-Link for his 'hogtie a Licker' immunity challenge idea! I welcome all immunity challenge ideas so be sure to throw them in there when you review and vote. You never know, you might see yours in an upcoming chapter.

So, vote now!

Jill -- Brad -- Rebecca -- Marcus -- Billy -- Alfred


	31. Tribal Council 15

HCF Camp…

Our survivors finally trudge back into camp, all of them in various states of abusement. Of course all the injuries were a result of the hour long brawl they had over the tied up licker that Alfred stole out from underneath them. As it is, only Brad escaped unscathed and with his new little pet Licker, he has decided to name Sanzo. Apparently Brad is a big fan of the Anime Saiyuki, who knew?

Anyway Cameraman H proceeds to corner our survivors, hoping he won't be their next victim. I guess he finally found out what happened to the other seven cameramen and he's a bit paranoid at this point.

"Look what the little 5'3" bitch did to me!" Jill points to a large bandage covering her right eye. "She tried to blind me! THAT LITTLE **_BEEP BEEP BEEPEDY BEEP BEEP _**IS GOING DOWN!"

Cameraman H quickly flees as Jill goes on a ten minute tangent about what a **_beep beep beep _**Rebecca is. Our poor censor isn't going to be able to move his arm for a week after this season, what with all the beep button pushing he's been doing.

"He bite my ear!" Billy points to a large bandage covering his right ear. "Who the hell does that dress wearing psycho think he is…MIKE TYSON!"

Cameraman H backs away slowly and corners someone else.

"I have a new pet!" Brad slurs, throwing his arm around Sanzo. "Isn't he just the cutest little thing? He's a vegetarian you know."

Our poor cameraman faints at the sight of Sanzo the Licker, leaving the camera to go to passive mode. And I must say it picks up on a rather interesting looking argument near the campfire.

"Well you poked me in the eye first!" Jill bellowed.

"You didn't have to hit me with a rock!" Rebecca screamed back. "You two-bit-tube-top-mini-skirt-wearing trollop!"

"Oh! You so did not go there!"

"Oh yes I did you tramp!"

Jill jumps Rebecca and another brawl ensues…

Somewhere on the Island…

"AHHHHH! GET IT OFF OF ME!"

Claire is hanging onto the branch of a palm tree for dear life as a Licker on the ground tries to drag her down with it's tongue, which just happens to be wrapped around her left ankle at the moment. Everyone else is also in the trees and seem to be having their own issues, with the exception of Annette who is still buried and has at this point passed out.

Alex has been cornered at the top, or bottom depending on how you look at it, of the tree the former survivors were in before the hurricane. One of the four Lickers is desperately trying to eat her, while she beats it in the head with a large stick and tries to protect Hunk who is wrapped around her waist and crying bloody murder. The two mice have once again taken refuge in her bra.

Yoko, Alyssa, and Ada are screaming their fool heads off as the third of the four lickers climbs up the palm tree they have taken refuge in. Nicholai and Birkin are in the same tree as Claire, and are desperately trying to pull her back up to safety. Meanwhile Leon and Chris appear to be trying to strangle each other while the last of the Lickers stare at them like they've lost their minds.

"This is all you fault!" Chris decks Leon. "If you hadn't listened to my sister I would not be in this damn tree!"

"I hate to tell you this you moron." Leon decks Chris. "But everyone except you and Brad voted for you!"

!IMPORTANT NEWS BREAK!

"We go live to the New York City Supreme Court for an update on the Umbrella/Harvard proceedings…Christina…"

"Thank you Margaret. The fight, which broke out earlier between Umbrella CEO Sir Ozwell Spencer and Harvard Pharmaceutical CEO Vincent, has escalated. We are not allowed into the court room at this time, but reports have reached us that Sir Ozwell Spencer has in fact turned several members of the courtroom audience into zombies and ordered them to attack Vincent. Vincent in turn has reportedly turned his two lawyers into Tyrants and ordered them to attack Spencer. At this time…"

Ice glances behind her and see three zombies shamble out of the courthouse. Calmly she pulls her Desert Eagle and shoots them in the head. She then turns back to the camera smiling.

"As I was saying, at this time we are unsure as to how many people have been infected and the death toll currently stands at three. Back to you Margaret…"

The Anchorwoman stars at the camera looking more that a tad bit shaken up. In fact she looks ready to pass out.

"Uh…thank you Christina. We will continue to cover this story and bring you updates as they happen…"

We now return you to your regular program, already in progress…

Tribal Council Area…

Wesker is still drunker than a hoot owl and still wearing his stolen clothes, although I suppose if he won them in a card game we can't exactly call them stolen. Then again, knowing him, he probably cheated.

Anyway, as Wesker hums out an old Disney song, the tribe members show up. Rebecca and Jill look much worse than before, sporting black eyes, bloody lips, and the odd assortment of broken bones. Marcus and Billy are glaring at each other, each of them probably debating the best way to kill the other. Alfred is supremely glad he has immunity and is smiling like an idiot while clutching the pendant. Brad and Sanzo stagger up and sit down, with Fluffy trailing along behind. It would appear that Fluffy the Hunter and Sanzo the Licker are bonding as well. Creepy, I know, but work with me here.

"Like, Alfie you want to, like, give up your immunity?"

"Not on your bio-enhanced life you blonde bimbo freak!"

At this loud and insulting proclamation the entire tribe turns to stare at Alfred. Wesker doesn't seem to care and bursts into wild drunken laughter, good thing he's really, really out of it right now. Otherwise Alfred would probably be trying to pick his teeth, and various other appendages, up off the ground.

"Like, ok!" Wesker giggles again, for no apparent reason. "Like, go vote!"

Rebecca votes first, hobbling up to the jar. She scribbles out a name four times and holds up the card.

"Ok tub top your time on the island is over!" She drops the card in the pot and flips off the camera. "I just want you to know I slept with Chris back in the mansion…SO THERE!"

This statement is of course false, but she figures it will probably piss Jill off. She hobbles back to her seat and sits down. Billy is next to vote. He walks up to the jar, writes out the same name five times and holds up the card.

"Marcus…DIE YOU PSYCHOPATHIC MONGRAL OF A BAD SCIENTIST!" He drops the card in the pot and glares. "I HOPE THE REST OF YOUR LEECHES EAT YOU!"

Billy takes his seat, still glaring. Jill is up next. She limps up to the jar, holding her injured left side and the four broken ribs she acquired from Rebecca, and writes out the same name five times.

"Rebecca you are an idiot and you have the worst haircut ever!" Jill drops the vote in the pot and flips off the camera. "By the way you little gnome of evilness, I slept with Billy. Several times during the mansion thing and he said I was 100 times better than you!"

This statement is **_not_** false actually. I do believe that solves just where Billy went after he separated from Rebecca on that hill. I don't think that she is going to be pleased about this development either. Jill takes her seat, smiling evilly. Marcus is up next. He stalks up to the jar, writes out the same name six times, and holds up the card.

"Just die Billy, you pretty boy of a fluff!"

He drops the card in the pot and takes his seat. Alfred is up next. He practically runs to the pot, scribbles out the same name twice, and holds up the card.

"Um, Brad you are scary. I mean you used to be like a total wimp and was scared of everything. But, um, now your like really scary. Please don't hurt me…"

He drops the card in the pot and hurries back to his seat. Brad is up next. He skips up to the pot, Sanzo in tow, scribbles out the same name four times, and holds up the card.

"Hey Becky!" He grins, swaying a bit. "That whole whip thing is just not working out for you anymore. Besides which you don't look nearly as hot as Tira does when she rips her clothes off."

He grins again, drops the card in the pot, and skips back to his seat with Sanzo bounding after him. Wesker, in the meantime, has broken into a very interesting rendition of _Save a Hoarse Ride a Cowboy_, substituting _Bio-enhanced Villain _for the word cowboy. Who knew Wesker was a fan of country music?

After finishing the chorus he staggers over and grabs the pot, at the same time the cage with our jury comes into view. The poor slobs in the cage do not look well either, as all of them have several rolls of bandages covering their body. Must be those burns from when Alexia got dumped into the cage at the last Tribal Council. Speaking of Alexia, she appears to be unconscious and tied up at the moment with what was left of Carlos' shirt. I guess the jury took matters into their own hands after getting injured by her homicidal temper.

"Ok, like, whoever has the most votes is, like, going to the cage!"

Wesker yanks out the slips of paper and counts through them…five times. Finally he tosses them into the air, dances around a bit, and grins at the tribe. Said tribe now think Wesker has completely lost his mind, except Brad, who tossed Wesker a dollar for his efforts.

"Rebecca, you are, like, going bye, bye now…bring me that torch baby!"

Rebecca grabs the torch, heaves it at Wesker, and rips off her clothes. Wesker dodges the torch, which happens to land near the Jury cage and sparks off a chain reaction that ignites the poor ex-survivors once again. Needless to say they are not happy at this point.

Rebecca in the meantime does a flying leap at Wesker and smacks him several times with the whip. Much to her surprise and everyone else's dismay, Wesker grins widely.

"Oh yea Baby…smack it good!"

Several tribe members turn green and begin to get sick. Even the Jury, no longer on fire thanks to the producer and a very large fire extinguisher, get sick. The show's ratings have jumped by 30 points and several million woman viewing at home plan to buy whips and leather underwear.

Wesker grabs Rebecca by the back of the neck, sweeps her of her feet, kisses her passionately, and tosses her into the waiting cage.

"Alright, like, you can leave now!"

Wesker bounces off camera as the remaining survivors and jury become even more violently ill. Rebecca has passed out from shock…

Next Time on Survivor…

Wesker has the hangover from hell…

Brad, surprisingly, doesn't…

Yet again the pain and suffering of our contestants takes the form of a rather nasty immunity challenge…

* * *

A/N: Well I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Very close vote on this one, even I wasn't sure who was getting voted off at one point.

Thanks to everyone for their immunity challenge ideas! I plan on using several of them in the near future!


	32. Cage Match!

HCF Camp…

The sun rises over the island, making it look beautiful and full of quiet peace…then the survivors wake up and everything goes to hell.

Marcus is in a foul mood and has been since his little Love Bunny…his words not mine, no really he said that…got voted off the night before. I suppose the kiss Rebecca got from Wesker didn't help his mood in the slightest. Jill is still sick and has been heaving on and off all night long. Everyone is staying as far away from her as humanly possible. Billy's ear is infected and has swelled up to twice its normal size, making him look impossibly dorky. Alfred is more paranoid than usual and is convinced Brad intends to slaughter him in his sleep. I'm not 100 sure how that all came about either, last time I checked Brad hasn't so much as smacked him in the last few days.

As for young Mr. Vickers…well he's positively alight with joy and perkiness. I know it sickens me too, but bear with me on this. In fact he doesn't even have anything remotely close to looking like a hangover, which is odd considering he drank like twenty-two Yeager-bombs plus at least six beers after escaping W.C.'s apartment.

Currently he is playing fetch with Sanzo and Fluffy, while the other survivors contemplate killing him in the most painful way possible…

On the beach…

Our poor sadistic host looks…um…well he looks bad. He still dressed in his stolen clothes, but his skin is paler than usual and his eyes are badly blood shot. Bob is sitting on his shoulder, forgoing his normal roosting spot atop Wesker's head because poor little Wesker has a migraine the size of Texas.

The survivors troop onto the beach in time to see Wesker toss his cookies in some nearby bushes. This of course causes Jill to toss her own cookies behind a pine tree.

Let's…uh…leave the cookie tossing for a few minutes and see how things are going elsewhere…

Somewhere on the island…

"Die you giant freak of nature!"

Alex did a flying leap from the tree, brandishing a large coconut and a palm leaf. The Licker stared at her like she'd lost her mind, at least until she landed on his back and started beating him in the head with the coconut. It began yipping like a dog while running around in circles.

Meanwhile Clare was still trying to rescue her ankle from the Licker on the ground while Birkin and Nicholai come up with a plan. Seconds later Nicholai comes flying out of the tree in a very heroic way. Unfortunately his aim is off and he lands about two feet to the left of the Licker, flat on his face.

"…owww…" comes the painful and muffled reply from poor Nicholai. "…again…owww…"

While the Licker is staring at Nicholai, Birkin gives Claire a jerk and pulls her back into the tree. Once there he quickly jerks off the Lickers' tongue and ties it to one of the palm tree's branches. This appears to piss off the Licker greatly.

In another tree Ada and Yoko have had a conference and have decided that Alyssa is expendable. As such they have thrown her to the Licker that was stalking them below the tree. Said Licker is now chasing Alyssa in circles while she screams her head off and waves her arms around in useless and random motions. She kinda looks like Brad or Alfred at this point.

The fourth Licker has sat down and is now completely engrossed in the fist fight above him. Leon and Chris have forgotten all about the Licker at this point and are basically trying to kill each other with extreme prejudice.

Annette is still unconscious…

Back on the beach…

Wesker and Jill now look a tad bit better thanks to some aspirin and Alka-Seltzer from the producer. Wesker smiles grimly, sorta looking evil, and motions for the survivors to follow him down the beach. The survivors groan, but trudge along behind the host.

They finally arrive several yards down the beach. Sitting in the middle of the sand is a very large cage, with a tunnel connected to it. Connected to the tunnel was an exceptionally large crate, in fact there were several crates lined up near the water.

"Alright, Alfred give me the pendant."

Wesker held out his hand, expecting Alfred to give him the pendant. What happened instead was the pendant came flying through the air and bonked him in the head. Wesker groaned, then glared as he snatched the pendant off the ground.

"I hope you die you little fluff." Wesker slipped the pendant around his neck, then gestured toward the cage. "This is not your typical immunity challenge. This is a endurance challenge. Any time during the challenge you may leave the cage, but if you do remember you lose the immunity. Last one left in the cage wins."

"Alright, what are you going to put in the cage with us?" Brad snapped, Sanzo hissing his agreement. "I trust you about as far as I can throw you."

"Nothing too dangerous, now move you little morons. By the way your guy's little pets have to stay out here."

The survivors trooped inside the cage, looking like doomed prisoners on their way to the gas chamber. That was a very good analogy considering this is Wesker we're talking about. Sanzo and Fluffy waited outside the cage, whining to themselves.

Wesker grinned sadistically and opened the door on the first crate. There was a loud howl and five Cerberus bounded into the cage. Alfred let out a bloodcurdling scream and scrambled up the side of the cage. Brad and Jill glanced at one another and quickly followed.

"Sick him boys!" Billy yelled, shoving Marcus into the oncoming dogs. "Eat the icky scientist!"

"AHHHHHH!"

While Billy laughed with manacle glee and Marcus screamed, Wesker shoved the empty crate aside and pulled the second one in line forward. He grabbed the door and slide it open. There was a loud screech and five Chimeras leaped into the cage, immediately climbing toward the survivors that had taken refuge on the cage walls.

"Oh my God in Heaven!"

Jill dropped to the floor, climbed over top of the still screaming Marcus and hid behind Billy. Alfred in the meantime, did a flying leap from the cage wall and wound up landing on Marcus's head. Marcus did not find this to be a very good situation, grabbed Alfred, and threw him toward Brad. Brad in turn did a flying kick through the air and knocked Alfred out the cage door.

"Alfred you are out of the running." Wesker grinned, despite the splitting headache. "You may now pass out from fear."

"Thank you…"

Alfred then passed out. Wesker's grin widened and he kicked the second empty crate aside and grabbed for the third one in line. Whistling the theme song to S.W.A.T., Wesker opened the crate door. There was a loud crash then some annoying screeching noises before five Eliminator's sprung out of the crate and into the cage.

"Oh hell no!"

Billy scrambled around Jill and shoved her toward the T-Virus infected monkeys. He distinctly remembered those little bastards from the Training Facility and had no desire to get reacquainted with them. Marcus in the meantime had finally managed to untangled from the dogs only to have two Eliminators jump him from behind and drag him to the cage floor.

"AHHHH!"

Brad, being the sane and sensible person that he is, decided that it was about time to leave the area. He bolted for door and dove into the sand as one of the Eliminator's grabbed for his legs. Sanzo immediately hopped over and licked his face.

"Congrats Brad you are not the wimpiest contestant of this challenge." Wesker grinned, his eyes flicking over to the unconscious Alfred. "Of course that isn't really saying much…"

Wesker spun around, as he did so Brad flipped him off, and headed to the crates. He shoved the one aside, grabbed for the fourth crate, and opened the door. A few seconds later five large Black Widows skittered into the cage.

"AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

At this point Jill had a major freak out and began running around in circles waving her arms around in much the same manner as both Brad and Alfred usually do. Unknown to everyone present Jill has Arachnophobia. During the games she had a stunt double do all the scenes that involved spiders. Marcus somehow managed to get away from the Eliminators only to get knocked down by Jill's flailing arms and jumped by two spiders.

"Ok this is getting old!" He shouted, kicking at one of the Black Widows. "It's so unfair!"

"Oh shut up you baby!" Billy growled, dodging one of the Black Widows and a Chimera claw. "You sound like Alfred!"

Wesker was actually starting to enjoy this whole thing. Whistling I Stand Alone, by Godsmack, he pulled the next crate into line and opened the door.

"AHHHHHHH!"

Jill didn't even contemplate sticking around as five UT Troopers shambled into the cage, firing wildly in every direction. She jumped over Billy, landing on Marcus', and dove through the cage door.

"Oh damn Jill." Wesker cringed as Marcus' eyes rolled up in the back of his head. "That was cold…real cold."

Marcus was in a lot of pain as Wesker grabbed for the next crate and opened the door. So when several giant alligators stormed out, he didn't really seem to care. Billy on the other hand did care and quickly beat the shit out of a UT Trooper and stole his gun. While Billy did his impersonation of Rambo, Marcus crawled out of the cage and collapsed near Brad.

"Can I get some ice?" He squeaked in a high pitched voice. "I hurt…"

Even Wesker felt sorry for him, and Wesker felt sorry for few people.

"Billy, you win." He tossed the pendant to Billy as he emerged from the cage still carrying the stolen gun. "Tribal council tonight guys!"

The survivors beat a hasty retreat as the B.O.W. from the immunity challenge escaped the cage and took off for parts unknown…

Somewhere on the Island…

There is a lot of screaming going on as all the B.O.W. from the immunity challenge show up to harass our former contestants. Everyone has taken cover and are now in fear for their lives…except Leon and Chris who are still beating the hell out of each other…

Next Time on Survivor…

Who is getting voted off this round?

* * *

A/N: I would like to thank GoldenB for his immunity idea, loved it! Now who are you going to vote off next?

Jill - Brad - Marcus - Billy - Alfred


	33. Tribal Council 16

****

HCF Camp…

Well, it's that time again. Yea, you know the part I'm talking about, where the cameraman decides to take his life in his hands and ask the survivors what they think about each other. What gets me, is that despite being the seventh cameraman this show has employed, Cameraman H still doesn't know what happened to the other six. Either he hasn't had the time or inclination to ask or the producers have been lying to him. Knowing this show, I'd go for the latter explanation.

But I digress…

The first person good ole Cameraman H corners is Jill, who still looks rather ill.

"I don't feel so good…"

Cameraman H quickly retreats as Jill tosses her cookies in some nearby bushes. No one in camp really wants to know why or even how she got so sick, as long as she keeps said sickness to herself. While Jill is busy doing that our intrepid cameraman corners Billy.

"Oh there is no doubt who I plan on voting for." Billy grins in a very scary Wesker-like way. "I mean honestly, who the hell you think I'm gonna vote for, Jill? Hell no, I'm voting for the little _beep_ that pulled a Mike Tyson on my ear!"

Billy then finished up his little Wesker inspired speech by slapping the cameraman for no apparent reason. I think Billy may have been exposed to a little too much of Wesker's evil presence. Cameraman H stares at Billy for a moment or two before indulging in his own brand of Wesker violence.

"I QUIT!"

Cameraman H then flips his camera around and bashes Billy in the head with it several times before stomping off. Billy just sort of lays on the ground bleeding and unconscious. Meanwhile the Producer is scrambling to locate a new cameraman…

****

Somewhere on the Island…

The screaming has stopped in the clearing. The area is in a shambles, trees are knocked down and blood covers the ground. Standing amid this carnage is Alexandra Wesker holding what is left of a large coconut and a very disheveled stick. The rest of the formally tree bound survivors stare at her like she's lost her mind, except Leon and Chris who are still beating the hell out of each other.

"What in the _BEEP _just happened?"

Claire looks at all the dead B.O.W., then turns her attention back to the bloody Alexandra. Yoko and Ada just shake their heads, looking shell shocked. Nicholai shrugs awkwardly, he's still hurting from that fall. Hunk is huddled behind Nicholai whimpering. Alyssa is shaking slightly and for once keeping her mouth shut. Birkin is so nervous he can't even take notes about this recent development. Annette is still unconscious.

"I got mad." Alexandra says coolly, removing her sunglasses. "Unfortunately I'm a lot like my dear big brother when I'm mad."

As soon as Alexandra lifts her head so the others can see her eyes, the entire assembly of formerly tree bound survivors let out a bloodcurdling scream. This seems to finally get Leon and Chris' attention, not to mention wake up Annette.

"What's all…the…" Leon trails off, staring at Alexandra. "Whoa, Chris um…there is something about your girlfriend you should know…"

Chris starts to tell Leon to shut the hell up, when he sees what Leon is talking about. Alexandra's cobalt blue eyes are gone, replaced by lovely yellow cat-like eyes. She grins, sending shivers up everyone's spin.

"Yea, I did sort of forget to mention that I was wearing colored contact lenses…my bad…"

There is an audible _plop_ as each and every person present faints in a heap…including the two mice…

"I seem to get that reaction a lot…"

Alex sighs and prepares to wake up her fellow survivors when the sound of a chopper draws her attention…

****

! - IMPORTANT NEWS BREAK - !

__

"The incident in New York has escalated into a full courtroom riot…we go live to Christina Wesker in the field…"

"Thank you Margaret. It is now day two in the Harvard Vs. Umbrella Courtroom Blowout. Since our last report the estimated death toll now stands nine zombies and one tyrant. We are still not allowed into the courtroom and police have yet to formulate a plan of attack. An informant at the scene reports that Spencer has called in a U.B.C.S. unit to help his side. Vincent too has called in reinforcements, reportedly only asking for one man. We are…"

The camera swivels around as a tyrant comes flying out of one of the upper floor windows of the courthouse and splatters messily into the pavement. The tyrant is quickly followed by three zombies and some heavy gunfire.

"It seems reinforcements have arrived. Death Toll: 12 Zombies -- Two Tyrants…"

We now return you to the program already in progress…

****

Tribal Council Area…

The HCF tribe arrives at the tribal council area and uttered speechless by a very unusual surprise. Instead of Wesker and his usual evil grins and laughs, they find Alexandra. Though I think they are more surprised by the yellow eyes and black combat outfit, then actually finding her at the tribal council area. Alex grins, only a tad evilly, and motions for them to sit down.

"I'm sure all of you are more than slightly surprised by this development." Alex's tone is a tad bit colder than usual. "It seems that there is some kind of altercation between Umbrella and Harvard Chemical in New York. Apparently Wesker got called back to work and his HCF contract supercedes his Survivor Contract. So until he gets done doing whatever it is that he is doing, I will be your host."

The remaining five survivors look at one another, trying to decide whether this is an improvement or not. In the meantime Sanzo and Fluffy seem to have taking a liking to Alex and are begging her for treats. Finally Billy speaks up.

"Um Alex, why in the name of all that is sacred do you have yellow eyes?"

"Oh well…um…I'm afraid I can't divulge that information as it will ruin the plot of another story." Alex laughs nervously, then clears her throat. "Suffice to say I am just as powerful as Albert. Now then, Billy would you like to give up your immunity?"

"Oh hell no!"

"Didn't think so, but I had to ask. Well then, go vote."

Billy heads to the voting jar, writes out the same name eleven times, and holds up the card.

"Marcus I hate you more than I have ever hated anyone in this world. I actually hate you more now than I did during RE: Zero. I hope you die a horrible death someday that is both painful and messy."

Billy drops the card in the jar, heads back to his seat, and sits down. Alfred is up next. He writes out the same name four times and holds up the card.

"Brad you are scary."

He sniffled a bit, drops the card in the pot, and takes his seat. Brad is next. He writes out the same name five times and holds up the card.

"Alfred I have no clue what your damage is. I mean I really didn't want to do you any harm, but this whole paranoid thing is getting on my nerves. So could you just leave now before I am forced to act more manly than my character suggests by repeatedly beating the hell out of you?"

Brad smiles, drops the card in the pot, and takes his seat. Jill is next. She stumbles up to the pot, writes out the same name three times, and holds up the card.

"I want to go home…I don't feel good…"

She drops the card in the pot, bypasses her seat, and tosses her cookies in some nearby bushes. The entire viewing audience now believe that Jill might be pregnant and are trying to decide who the father is. Marcus is the last to vote. He writes out the same name five times and holds up the card.

"I wanted to vote for Billy, but he has immunity. Therefore I must vote for the little cross dressing fluff as he is starting to annoy me."

Marcus drops the card in the pot and takes his seat. Alex quickly collects the pot and counts out the votes as the cage with the jury comes into view. Our cage bound contestants do not look all that pleased, but they appear to have a rousing game of strip poker going on. From the looks of things, the girls are winning.

"Alright, with eleven votes…Marcus you have been deemed the biggest idiot this week. Please bring me your torch."

"Make me."

At this statement the other four survivors quickly scurry as far away from Marcus as possible. They aren't as stupid as they look you know. Alex sighs heavily and walks over to Marcus.

"Just because I happen to be a good guy and am a woman does not me I will not beat you like a red headed step child…no offense to the viewing audience intended…so why do you have to provoke me?"

__

Due to the graphic nature of the following scene I am afraid we will only be able to provide you with audio content…please think of happy thoughts while this audio is playing…

Jill: Oh my god…

Brad: Oh hell is an arm supposed to bend like that?

Marcus: AHHHHHH!

**__**

…smack…

Alex: That was mildly painful…

**__**

…CRAAAAACK…

Marcus: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Billy: Kick is _BEEP_!

Marcus: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Alex: Would you be so kind as to stop screaming in my ear?

Marcus: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

__

We now return you to the program…

Alex tossed what was left of Marcus into the cage, splattering everyone present with blood, then smiled at the remaining survivors.

"Well now, only four of you left. I'll see you tomorrow for immunity."

The survivors beat a hasty retreat…

****

Next Time on Survivor…

More Wesker-like violence from Alex…

Yet again…an immunity…

A/N: Hope you enjoyed. Not to fret, Wesker will be back. I just thought I'd show a bit of Alex's darker side for a chapter or three. Only four survivors left people…it appears we are heading into the home stretch of this particular fic…


	34. CTF RE Survivor Style

HCF Camp…

Well, it's a pretty uneventful day at the camp this morning…yea I know, it's freaking me out too. Outside of Jill finally getting over her mysterious illness and the new cameraman, Cameraman I, running around bothering people…all is quiet. Speaking of a new cameraman, Cameraman H was recently arrested for destruction of property, namely the camera he broke over Billy's head. Oddly enough he thinks that prison is far preferable to being on the island with these lunatics. Actually, I'm starting to think he might be right, in fact…

Uh oh, looks like something interesting is about to happen…let's watch…

"Who do you think it is?" Billy poked at the fire, throwing on another log. "Come on Brad, you have to have some theory?"

"It isn't mine." Brad mumbled, throwing Sanzo and Fluffy a scrap of food. "We only did it twice."

Alfred and Billy blinked at him several times, looking like Brad had lost his mind. Brad glanced up and shrugged his shoulders.

"What?" Brad shrugged again. "I was being honest."

"That wasn't exactly what I meant Brad." Billy pokes the fire again. "I just wanted to know if you had any clues."

"Oh, my bad."

"Not me, we only did it once."

Alfred smiles happily, while Brad and Billy look ready to throw up. Very sickening images of Jill and Alfred together dance through their heads, making them that much sicker.

"Alfred…we really didn't need to know that." Billy shudders. "Well it's not mine, we only did it three times."

The three men then fall silent, staring into the camp fire.

"Is it just me or is Jill a bit…um…" Brad trails off.

"Of a slut, yea." Billy throws another log on the fire. "I suppose a nice way to put it might be she has loose morals. Or you could call her a nymphomaniac…maybe…"

Billy glances up and sees that Brad and Alfred have gone white as sheets. He cringes and turns slowly to look behind him and finds Jill standing there looking very Wesker-like and clutching a very large branch in her hand.

"Loose morals…nymphomaniac…slut…"

Brad and Alfred quickly scurry away as Jill beats Billy senseless with a large amount of Wesker-like glee and laughter.

On the beach…

Alexandra adjusts her sunglasses and gives Bob a pat on the head. Bob let's out a little squeak of joy and snuggles closer to her neck. The little T-virus leech doesn't seem to bother her much, plus she promised Albert she would look after him while Albert was away doing whatever it was HCF had him doing. In the meantime Alexandra was very happy she got to indulge in her darker side for once.

Speaking of her darker side, the HCF tribe has just wandered onto the beach. All of them are walking far from Jill, who still looks pissed off.

"I am not pregnant you twits!" She screeches, scaring Fluffy and Sanzo. "I ate some damn clams by accident that was in that _beeping_ stew Marcus made the other night…I'M ALLERGIC TO CLAMS!"

The three men nod vigorously, or in Billy's case as vigorously as he is able to with severe neck injuries. The four tribe members come to a stop in front of Alexandra, all of them dreading what mean things she may do to them.

"Good morning." Alexandra says sweetly, petting Bob. "How is everyone?"

"I am not pregnant!" Jill grabbed Alexandra by the lapels of her shirt, shaking her ever second word or so. "I don't know who started these rumors, but…I AM **_NOT_** PREGNANT!"

Billy, Brad, and Alfred quickly backed away, lest they inadvertently get involved in the shit storm that was about to occur. Alexandra glanced down at Jill, letting her sunglasses slip down a bit.

"Miss Valentine I do believe it would be beneficial to your health, if you were to release my shirt at this point."

Jill looked into Alexandra's yellow eyes, giggled a bit, and released her grip on Alexandra's shirt. She gave the shirt a pat or two, presumably to straightened the wrinkles she had made, then scurried back behind Billy and the others. Alexandra sighed heavily pushing her sunglasses back up her nose with an index finger. You know, it really is scary how much like Wesker she is acting, in fact that whole voice thing…you know sounding all scientific and shit…well, it's kinda creepy…

"I do believe that no one directly accused you of being pregnant Miss Valentine. I have no doubts that the rumors were facilitated by your illness the past few days and that both the viewing audience and these morons here believed you to be pregnant. However I believe that rumor is no longer effective and that the ramblings of these morons about your sexual preferences in the effect that you may in fact be a nymphomaniac will not hurt your social status in the slightest. It is my belief, after RE3, that most people view you to be either a nymphomaniac or at the very least possessing loose morals."

The four assembled survivors glanced at each other and shrugged. Around the country the viewing audience is staring at the TV and scratching their heads. Outside of Wesker himself, who is catching the show at the courthouse, no one knows what the hell Alexandra just said.

"Be that as it may, time for the challenges."

"Whoa!" Billy holds up a hand, shaking his head. "_Challenges_…as in plural?"

"Oh my did I forget to mention that one of the challenges was a reward challenge?" Alexandra laughed, a cross between Wesker and of all people Alfred…Alfred thinks it's kinda sexy. "Forgive me. Yes, two challenges. The first is for immunity, the second is for this…"

Alexandra steps aside so the survivors can see the prize, a juicy Prime Rib steak, fried potatoes, and a case of Corona. The survivors then begin to drool…

"Now then, for immunity. This way please."

Alexandra walks down the beach, leaving several heavily armed Cleaners and U.B.C.S. agents to guard the reward challenge. The tribe members trail after Alexandra, casting longing glances at the reward.

"This challenge is very simple. All you have to do is capture a black flag like this one."

Alexandra held up a black flag and waved it at the contestants. At this point I would normally say the flag says _'Wesker for Supreme World Leader'_ but Wesker is not the host right now, is he? Instead the flag says:

Down with Umbrella and Harvard Chemical…Wesker is afraid of mice, the big weenie!

Wesker, still watching the show at the courthouse, is not pleased. Alexandra smiles brightly and whistles.

"First one to bring me the flag and put it in my hand wins immunity…have fun!"

Alexandra quickly moves out of camera range as a loud growl reverberates through the island. The three survivors cringe then scream as a huge El Gigante shambled into view with a little black flag tied around its neck.

"That _beep_ is just as _beeping_ sadistic as her brother!"

"No shit Sherlock!"

"AHHHHHHHHH!"

"I am not pregnant!"

While our four contestants look ready to pass out, Alexandra sits by drinking beer and petting Bob. Sanzo and Fluffy are at her feet, begging for treats. Meanwhile the four contestants finally realize that a million dollars is at stake and go for the flag.

For once Billy decides not to go run in like a moron, instead he circles around to the side and grabs El Gigante by the leg…it really doesn't do much good, but at least he's being safe. Brad on the other hand looks to have found his spine and is using Alfred as a shield to try and get closer. Alfred for his part, is getting the shit beat out of him by swipes from Gigante. Jill has already been captured by Gigante and looks a great deal like Faye Ray in King Kong.

"Let go of me!"

Meanwhile Billy has scrambled up to Gigante's back and is trying to untie the flag. Brad throws Alfred at Gigante and scrambles up by Billy, elbowing him in the ribs. Jill is still screaming and now Alfred is screaming because Gigante has him held in the other hand.

"I'm too young to die!" he sputters, crying. "Help me!"

Brad and Billy finally get the flag and tumble off of Gigante where they then proceed to roll on the ground trying to kill each other for it. Jill bites Gigante and falls to the ground on top of the boys, now adding her own kicking and screaming to the fight. Gigante himself starts screaming and covers his ears, which are now bleeding from Alfred's screaming. As Alfred lands in the middle of the fight, Gigante runs off crying…still covering his ears.

"Oh my, I hope everyone in the clearing will be alright…"

Somewhere on the island…

"She's scary." Yoko shudders, nuzzling closer to Nicholai. "It's like a female Wesker."

"Technically she _is_ a female Wesker." Birkin points out taking some notes.

"Stuff it William." Annette mutters. "You know what she meant."

"Man Chris, your girlfriend…" Leon whistled. "She's something alright."

"That's what scares me."

Chris does in fact look a bit paler than usual, especially with Hunk hanging onto his neck and blubbering like a three year old.

"Mommy!"

Claire and Ada enter the clearing at a dead run, screaming their heads off. They pass the group and head out of the clearing still screaming. They are quickly joined by everyone else when El Gigante enters the clearing…

Back at the beach…

"Congratulations Alfred, you win."

Alexandra drops the pendant to Alfred, who moans his thanks. Billy, Brad, and Jill appear to be the same hurting conditions.

"Time for the reward challenge."

A long table is wheeled out with four potted green herbs sitting on it.

"All you have to do is eat the most amount of herbs. You have to eat the entire plant, minus the roots of course. If you can't get it all down or you get sick, you are out of the contest…ready?"

There is a universal **_NO_**, but Alexandra doesn't seem to notice.

"GO!"

Billy and Jill manage to dig in, running through six herbs in record time. Alfred gets down three before passing out…why I have no idea. Brad is stilly trying to crawl to the table with two broken ribs and a broken arm.

"WHOOOOO…I FEEL GOOD!"

Billy looks like he has a caffeine high and has just started on his ninth herb. Jill has burned through three more herbs and looks like she's been smoking the herbs rather than eating them.

"Oh wow…"

She sways a bit and passes out.

"Well Jill and Alfred are out."

Brad finally makes to the table, but the show appears to be out of green herbs, so he scarfs down a yellow one. Yes I know you have to combine a green herb, red herb, and blue herb to get a yellow herb, but it's my story so there…

"YEA! RUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!"

Just as Brad is feeling a bit better, thanks to the famed golden herb, Billy takes off running like a rabbit…wait for it…on crack. This of course leaves Brad the winner.

"Congrats Brad, cutie."

Alexandra gives him a kiss on the cheek and the Prime Rib. Brad blushes brightly and scarfs down the food in five seconds flat, saving the beer for last.

"See you tonight at Tribal Council."

Alexandra heads off camera as Brad hauls his beer back to camp. Jill is mumbling to herself about the pretty colors, while Alfred snores. I have no clue where Billy went…

Somewhere on the Island…

Our former tree bound contestants are still running from El Gigante, which is still crashing after them, when something goes running past them all with its hair standing on end.

"HERBIES! HERBS ARE FUUUUUUN! HERBIES!"

The former contestants and El Gigante slow to a stop as Billy runs around in circles then takes off again for parts unknown. Yoko is the only one to comment.

"That boy is _beeped_ up…"

Next Time on Survivor:

Who must join the others in that cramped little cage?

* * *

A/N: Thank you Angel of Hope and Miracles for the _Herb Eating Contest _challenge and I would also like to thank Neo Queen Insanity for the _Capture the Flag Around an El Gigante's Neck_ challenge. Thank you both for the ideas!

Now, who is to be voted off? Remember immunity means nothing…your choices:

Jill - Brad - Alfred - Billy


	35. Tribal Council 17

HCF Camp…

Oh yes, that time again and Cameraman I is right on top of things today. In fact he looks downright excited at the prospect of interviewing our survivors. Considering what happened to the other cameramen, I'm going to have to guess that he's been chewing on a few of the leftover herbs from the reward challenge.

Be that as it may, he's trotted on over to Alfred to get his opinion on the up and coming vote.

"I have to get rid of Brad…he's still really, really, really, really, really…"

Cameraman I listens patiently as Alfred continues to tally up _reallys_. After twenty minutes he is apparently ready to finish his initial thought.

"…really, really, scary. Plus he used me as a human shield, which I really didn't like too much."

Cameraman I nods vigorously, pats Alfred on the head, and bounds off to his next victim. Next victim being Billy, who is laying flat on his back near the fire, looking completely worn out. I guess his energy burst from the herbs finally wore off.

"…jill…" he mumbles tiredly. "…jill…she hit me…gotta get rid of her…I hurt…"

Cameraman I clucks his tongue and tosses a blanket over Billy before bounding off to aggravate Jill.

"Oh I know who is going down." She cackles evilly going a bit cross-eyed, I think she's still high. "Oh yes…"

Jill then proceeds to laugh in a very Wesker-like way, while swaying back and forth. After several minutes of this, she falls over in the sand and passes out. Despite being unconscious, she's still laughing.

Cameraman I just shakes his head, grins widely, and heads toward Brad. Now Brad seems to be having a great time just sitting in the sand with his arms flung around Sanzo and Fluffy. From the looks of things he only has maybe two beers left of the original twelve.

"I dooooooon't knoooooow…" Brad then giggles in a very Alfred-like way. "I wanna be a mongoose dog!"

Cameraman I busts out laughing and flops down next to Brad, Sanzo, and Fluffy. He produces another case of Corona and the four of them proceed to drink heavily. I'm currently thinking, given the state Brad is in, that mixing herbs with beer is not a good idea…then again who am I to stop them.

At the Tribal Council area…

Alexandra yawns loudly, petting Bob…who just happens to be laying in the crook of Alexandra's left arm. If Bob were a cat instead of a genetically enhanced super leech, this scene might look like something out of a James Bond movie. You know, where the evil mastermind is sitting in his chair, petting his cute white fluffy cat. Of course Bob is **_NOT_** a cat, so it looks really creepy.

"Where the hell are they?" Alexandra glances at her watch. "This is beginning to get quite boring."

"Boring my ass!"

Alexandra turns slightly to see a very disheveled Wesker walking toward her from the woods. She cocks her head, giving him a good once over.

"You look like hell, is that a gunshot wound in your chest?"

"Four of them actually, plus a few stab wounds." Wesker seems uninterested in his injuries though. "But I'm here to talk about a certain black flag that was used in a certain immunity challenge."

"Oh." Alexandra sighed, laid Bob on the railing, and pulled off her sunglasses. "I suppose we have to have a big climactic fight scene now."

"Holy _beeping_ shit!" Wesker's jaw actually hit the ground. "When the _beep_ did you get _beeping_ yellow eyes?"

"Oh, these?" Alexandra smirked, dropping her sunglasses on the ground very dramatically. "I might have fibbed a bit when I said I was the Alexandra version that still worked for Umbrella…my bad…"

"Ooooh…great…"

****

! - IMPORTANT NEWS BREAK - !

"There has been a significant development at the courthouse, we go live to Christina Wesker…"

The camera picks up a very disheveled Ice, in fact she has a bloody lip, black eye, and her nice pants suit is torn in several places.

"Good evening, the fight between Umbrella and Harvard Chemical appears to be at a standstill. Both sides look to have run out of reinforcements to call on and various dangerous chemicals to throw at each other. Earlier the last remaining reinforcement for Harvard, left after completely snapping over an episode of Survivor. Cue the tape!"

Ice's face is replaced with a view of the courthouse as several innocent bystanders come running out of the building and down the steps. A few seconds later Wesker comes bolting out the doors, looking really pissed off.

"YOU!"

Ice's shout is quickly followed by several gun shots, four of which hit Wesker in the chest. The gunshots do not appear to hurt him and only seem to piss him off more. What follows is a lot of cursing and Ice jumping Wesker from behind with a combat knife in her hand. After stabbing him repeatedly, Wesker beats her roughly about the head and shoulders, tosses her in a nearby dumpster, hops in a conveniently placed HCF chopper, and flies off.

The tape ends and once again Ice stands before the camera.

"As of now, the death count stands at: 35 Zombies -- Four Tyrants -- 16 U.B.C.S. Agents -- 10 HCF Agents -- And two Tax Attorneys that happened to wander into the courtroom…which lead to the only truce between Umbrella and Harvard through this entire fiasco."

"Right now, there is a standoff between the two factions…we'll bring you an…"

****

KA--BOOOOOOOOOOOM!

The street erupts in pandemonium as the courthouse blows to smithereens, raining various debris over everyone present. Seconds later Vincent and Sir Spencer stumble out of the rubble.

"That was not fair!" Vincent stomps his foot, shaking a finger at Spencer. "What the hell man!"

"Oh stuff it moron." Spencer snaps, raking some stone chips out of his hair. "I didn't have much choice!"

"Kiss my ass Spencer! You didn't have to blow up the damn building!" Vincent looks madder than Wesker did earlier. "You even had a damn computer telling us how much time was left…FOR CHRIST'S SAKE THERE WAS A FLORESCENT GREEN TIMER OVER OUR HEADS!"

"Well excuse me! These things have to end like that!"

"What, do you Umbrella assholes invest in dynamite or something!"

"Well it would seem the matter is closed for now." Ice is ignoring the ongoing argument behind her. "Back to you in the studio."

The anchorwoman blinks several times, looking confused and frightened…

"Uh…"

! - BACK TO THE SHOW ALREADY IN PROGRESS - !

Tribal Council area…

Billy, Jill, and Alfred skidded to a halt, their mouths hung open. In the middle of the council area Wesker and Alexandra were engaged in the sibling rivalry to end all sibling rivalries…they were doing their best to kill each other in a very painful way.

"Alfred you gonna…OWW!" Alexandra rubbed at her face and then bitch slapped Wesker. "…give up your immunity?"

"Uh…no…"

"Then vote you insolent little minions of stupidity!" Wesker snapped, tackling Alexandra to the ground. "NOW DAMN IT!"

Jill is the first to run over and scribble out the same name six times. She holds up the card with shaking hands.

"Um…Billy, yea for like the stuff you said and junk…"

Jill grimaces, drops the card in the pot, and hurries back to hide behind Fluffy. Alfred makes a mad dash to the pot, scribbles out the same seven times, and holds up the card…looking more scared than usual.

"Um…Brad is a big meanie."

He drops the card, missing the pot, and rushes back to hide behind Fluffy and Jill. Billy actually looks like he's keeping his kool as he power walks to the pot, fills out the same name three times, and holds up the card.

"Jill, for trying to bash my brains in…you must leave the island."

He hurries back, taking a position very close to Fluffy. Brad is last. He staggers up to the jar, Sanzo trailing after him, and looks completely oblivious to the fighting behind him. He scribbles out the same name three times, wasting a few minutes drawing pretty pictures around said name, and holds up the card.

"Billy…you suck…hehe."

He drops the card in the pot and staggers back to the others, Sanzo in tow. Now comes the fun part, the actual counting of the votes.

Alexandra kicks Wesker in the knee and bolts for the jar. Just as she gets her hands on it, Wesker jumps her, knocking her to the ground. The jar hit's the ground, the votes spilling out over the ground.

"Get off!"

Alexandra elbowed Wesker in the nose and scrambles for the votes.

"Billy…Billy…Jill…Brad…Jill…ACK!"

Wesker pushes Alexandra's face into the sand, bracing a knee in her back.

"My job! Jill…Brad…Billy…OWWW!"

Alexandra throws a bit of sand in Wesker's eyes and as he falls sideways, she jumps up and kicks him in the face.

"Butt out Blondie! Brad…Brad…Billy…AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

And suddenly poor Alexandra is airborne…

Somewhere on the Island…

"This is getting ridicules." Alyssa whined, flopping down on a nearby rock. "Where the _beep_ are we?"

"I have no idea." Claire sighed. "As long as that thing isn't following us, I don't care either."

Suddenly a flying body landed on Alyssa, knocking her out cold. The ex-survivors gather around the two women, making a loose circle. The 'body' glances up, looking quite the worse for wear with several bruises on her face and her clothes are badly torn.

"Owww."

Alex's head then flops over as she too falls unconscious. Leon glances at Chris, who shrugs…

Back at Tribal Council…

"Come here you!"

Wesker snatches Billy by the collar and throws him in the cage with the others. He then spins around and glares at the last three survivors.

"We're done now."

The other three nod then take off like speed injected rabbits. Except Brad, who is drunkenly trying to console Fluffy.

Next Time On Survivor…

Our happy Cameraman makes a friend…

The evil authoress changes the rules once again…

* * *

A/N: Real close vote this time between Brad and Billy. Well just three left guys…time's getting short. I hope everyone liked my little tribute to Invader Zim…for those of you who have seen the show, you should be able to spot the lines I'm talking about.


	36. Immunity Challenge Blowout!

**HCF camp…**

Cameraman I skips about the camp like that moron he is. I'm staring to seriously think that the producers of the show are giving him drugs to make him this damn perky. Be that as it may, the show must go on. Not that there appears to be a whole lot happening at the moment.

Brad is playing fetch with Sanzo and Fluffy, since Fluffy is still upset over Billy getting voted off. Jill is sleeping in and Alfred is hiding in a nearby palm tree. No, I have no idea why he's climbed up a palm tree armed with only a stick and a few coconuts. Maybe he still thinks Brad is going to hunt him down and do icky things to him.

"Hey! Little scardy man-like thing!" Cameraman I waves at Alfred, holding several yellow herbs in one hand and a case of beer. "Come on down, I'll give you some yummy beer!"

Alfred attempts to climb down, slips, and falls right on top of Jill. What ensues is violence which is not suitable to show the viewing audience…

**On the beach…**

Wesker doesn't look to happy, in fact he looks downright ticked off. I suppose all the bandages wrapped around his chest isn't making his day any brighter. Then again, it is time for the immunity challenge and I suspect he'll be perking up any moment now.

As if cued the last three remaining survivors traipse onto the beach. Bob squeaks as Wesker's face breaks into a huge evil grin. The three survivors glance at each other, shudder, and resign themselves to the horrors to come.

"Well good morning to you all. I'm sorry to say my lovely sister will not be joining us today. However I…"

"ALBIE!"

Wesker tries to run, he really does, but the strength and speed of a Bio-enhanced Treacherous Bastard is simply no match for the tenacity and determination of a Rabid Fan Girl. Wesker hits the ground face first, with the authoress sitting on his back, and Bob landing on _her _head. Poor little guy went flying when W.C. tackled Wesker.

"How's my cute little Albie?"

"I've been better…"

"Well I just popped by to tell you that this immunity actually does matter. You cannot give it away."

W.C. then covers Wesker with kisses, leaps to her feet, and skips off. A few seconds later Bob comes flying back toward Wesker and lands on the back of his head. Wesker is actually crying with relief at this point…

**Somewhere on the island…**

"Will you people stop staring at me!"

Everyone jumped as Alex's voice cut through the area like a hot knife through butter.

"Yeesh! You'd think I was some kind of freaky monster!"

It should be noted that as she was ranting…she had knocked over three full sized palm trees. Needless to say, things are getting interesting on the island today…

**Back on the beach…**

"Now then." Wesker dusts himself off, regaining some of his normal evil persona. "Time for the immunity challenge."

As usual there is a universal groan from the survivors, which really isn't as effective as it used to be since there is only three of them left. Wesker's grin widened as he handed each person a map and a pencil.

"The immunity is out there somewhere. What you have is a map of the island. Of course none of the traps, monsters, or other dangerous things out there are marked on it, hence the reason I was nice enough to give you the pencil. Off you go!"

Jill, Alfred, and Brad glance at each other, not at all sure they really want to go wandering around the island. I mean besides all the B.O.W. that is wandering around, thanks to previous challenges, they all have no doubts that Wesker has other not so pleasant surprises for them.

But as usual they think about that million dollars and off they go. You know I'm starting to think they don't get any royalty checks for any of the games. I mean if they were getting even a small cut of all the RE related merchandise out there…well let's just say that a million dollars would be like pocket change.

Anyway…

Jill heads right, Alfred heads left, while Brad, Sanzo, and Fluffy go up the middle. Sounds like a bad pass play in football. Be that as it may, they are off like rabbits…wait for it…on **_mixed herbs and beer_**.

I bet you thought I was going to say crack didn't you? Well you were **_WRONG_**…MWAHAHAHAHA…

Ahem…but I digress…

**Jill's location…**

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Jill ran by doing about fifty miles an hour, which I really didn't think was possible unless you were Wesker, followed closely by six Hunters, three Lickers, and two Cleaners with machine guns. I guess it's pretty obvious she is not having any luck finding that immunity item.

**Alfred's location…**

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Oh look, Alfred found El Gigante…how nice…

**Brad's location…**

"Good boy Sanzo!"

Brad pats Sanzo on the head. Sanzo jumps up and down, dropping the upper half of a zombie on the ground. Fluffy comes hopping up, a Cleaner hanging out of his rather large reptilian mouth.

"Good boy Fluffy, now drop the Cleaner."

Fluffy does, as Brad pats him on the head. The Cleaner quickly dissolves, leaving behind only a machine gun and several clips. Brad grabs the gun and clips, then tosses Fluffy and Sanzo a couple of Milk Bones and consults his map.

"Well, looks like we've got this area pretty much cleaned out. On to the next!"

**Somewhere on the island…**

The former tree-bound, and now completely-lost survivors, stop to take a break near a small stream. Everyone is still staring at Alex like she might decide to turn into Charles Manson and go on a sadistic Ashford-like crazy killing spree. Seeing as how we've already seen several of the survivors do Wesker-like violence, it might be interesting to see some Ashford-like craziness…at least it would break the monotony.

Alex of course is ignoring this. In fact she appears to be acting a bit more like Wesker than perhaps everyone present if comfortable with. With the exception of Nicholai, Leon, and Chris, who think it's kinda sexy.

"Ok, we have…to…go…"

Alex trails off as six Hunters, three Lickers, and two Cleaners…with machine guns…go running by screaming like five year old girls. Several silent seconds pass, while the former survivors try to figure out just what the hell is going on. Then the silence is broken by a loud Xenia: Warrior Princess yell and a strange flapping noise.

"HOLY SHIT!"

Alex dives out of the way as Jill goes hopping by at top speed. I should mention the reason she is hopping is because she is riding a very large Lurker at the moment. Perhaps she was jealous over Brad having Sanzo and Fluffy, who knows. Be that as it may, Jill is currently in hot pursuit of her former tormenters. As she passes out of the clearing, Alex sits up…brushing some twigs out her hair.

"And you guys were staring at me like _I_ was some kind of freak."

**Alfred's Location…**

Apparently Alfred has somehow managed to lose the El Gigante that was following him. In fact he looks very, very relaxed as he…uh…err…arranges flowers. I know, I know, it's creeping me out too. In fact, the only thing creepier than Alfred doing lovely flower arrangements is the fact that he's got help from Plant 42.

"Oh that is just lovely!" Alfred squeals, beaming up at Plant 42. "You're very good at this."

Suddenly the camera blinks out and various strange noises are heard. Umm…trust me, you don't want to know what is going on, you'll just get sick…

**Brad's Location…**

"Hrmmm…" Brad looks at the can for a moment or two before tossing it over his shoulder. "I don't really care much for canned aerosol cheese. Come on Fluffy, Sanzo."

The two B.O.W. yip with happiness and quickly follow Brad toward a very strange looking stone structure…

**Somewhere on the Island…**

"I think…OWWW!"

Alex stumbles as a can of aerosol cheese bounces off her head and lands in the bushes. She then indulges in a bit of Wesker-like anger, which sort of makes sense because she is a Wesker after all, by snapping several palm trees in half. While she's doing that, Yoko retrieves the can of cheese.

"Ummm, is anybody hungry enough to actually eat this?"

There is a universal _NO_ from the former survivors. Yoko prepares to toss the can back into the bushes when Birkin snags it out of her hand.

"I have an idea. According to my calculations the chemical makeup of aerosol cheese is consistent with several ingredients found in paint and concrete. I believe we can utilize this to our advantage."

You can hear the sounds of various jungle animals in the silence that follows Birkin's extremely technical explanation of aerosol cheese.

"Umm, that is…"

"What's the plan?" Alex snaps, finishing off her last palm tree and cracking her neck. "I understand that aerosol cheese is highly dense and has the same hardening agent as glue, but I do not quite see how that is going to be a benefit to us."

You can now add Birkin to the list of people who now find Alex irresistibly sexy. The fact that the four men now drool every time Alex bends over does not appear to be pleasing any of the women present, except Annette…who is hoping that Alex will get the hots for Birkin, thus resulting in William asking for a divorce. Hey, she can dream can't she?

"Well, since the cheese will harden relatively fast and will not dissipate for quite some time, I thought we could use it to signal for help. The fact that the cheese is colored with yellow dye number five and orange dye number seven is an added bonus, as it will make the message that much easier to see."

There is a slight muffle as the survivors turn their heads from Birkin to Alex, looking for an explanation.

"I see, we could use the cheese to write a _help_ message. A very good idea Doctor."

Birkin blushes a bright crimson, making the other four men gag. Hunk still thinks Alex is his Mommy, so he's not currently a love interest at this time. The women are glaring daggers at Alex, while William writes the message.

The plan goes relatively well, until the scent of aerosol cheese reached the nostrils of the nearby El Gigante. Everything sort of goes to hell from there as El Gigante comes crashing into the clearing and chases after our poor formerly tree bound survivors…

**Jill's Location…**

Jill slows Cloud to a stop and hops to the ground, glancing at her map. It would appear that Jill is a rather large fan of Final Fantasy VII, hence the reason she has named the Lurker Cloud. If you haven't already realized it, which I'm pretty sure you have, these people are not right…not in the slightest.

"Let's see here…ummm…"

As Jill looks over her map, trying to figure out where the hell she is, Cloud hops around eating random zombies that wander into his path. After several minutes she finally realizes, after seeing Wesker in a lawn chair, that she is back on the beach. This observation results is a long string of very unladylike obscenities that are not fit for the viewing audience.

Wesker is finding it very amusing…until Jill hops back on Cloud and starts chasing after him and Bob…

**Alfred's Location…**

"This is really nice of you."

Plant 42, hereafter referred to as Lady…Alfred is a fan of Devil May Cry 3, go figure…shakes one of its vines at him, rather lovingly I might add, as she carries him through the jungle.

Let's see what Brad is up to before I throw up…

**Brad's Location…**

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Brad comes flying out of the freaky temple astride Fluffy, with Sanzo just a step behind, and several dozen Tyrants running after them. I guess Wesker wasn't lying when he said he'd put out some traps. On the plus side, Brad is holding the immunity necklace…Sherry's pendant…and has Ashley riding behind him. I was kinda wondering where she went after that one immunity challenge…

**Somewhere on the Island…**

"RUN FASTER!"

Alex is leading the pack, with Sparky and his brother in her bra, and Hunk riding piggyback. Chris is just behind with Claire, who has fainted, flung over his shoulder. Birkin and Leon are running a close third carrying Ada, who has fainted as well. Yoko and Annette are running neck and neck in fourth place, carrying Nicholai who is babbling like an idiot. Alyssa is bringing up the rear, screaming her head off, and no one seems to care. In fact it looks like everyone is hoping she gets eaten sometime in the next two minutes, by the El Gigante that is still chasing them.

Just as the former survivors burst into a huge clearing, Alex runs face first into her brother. As they both topple to the ground, Jill leaps over them on Cloud and accidentally lands on Yoko, Annette, and Nicholai. Two seconds later Alfred and Lady come onto the scene, trip over Wesker and Alex and land on top of poor Chris and Claire. If this wasn't bad enough, suddenly Brad, Sanzo, and Fluffy arrive on the scene, trip over the people who have already fallen to the ground and land on top of poor Birkin, Leon, and Ada.

There is several moans of pain, mixed with screaming from Alyssa…Cloud is trying to eat her…as the three dozen tyrants appear on the scene. What happens next can only be described as uncontrolled chaos.

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

Alex is strangling her brother with extreme prejudice, while poor Hunk lays unconscious, and Sparky is trying to nibble off Wesker's ear. Needless to say Wesker is freaking out right now.

Chris, Leon, Birkin, and Nicholai are all trying to kill each other over Alex.

Yoko, Claire, Ada, and Annette are all trying desperately to kill Alyssa.

Jill, Brad, and Alfred are fighting over the immunity item while their respective pets fight each other and Ashley screams her head off for no apparent reason.

During this giant free for all the three dozen tyrants and El Gigante just point and laugh at the madness. Finally Brad manages to shove the pendant into Wesker's hand, completely by accident I might add, and the immunity challenge is over.

The show's Producer soon breaks up the fight, sicking the three dozen tyrants and El Gigante on the former survivors. While the severely wounded former survivors, and Ashley, run off into the jungle with their pursuers close behind, the Producer herds the three contestants and their pets back to camp, reminding them about the tribal council meeting that night. She then carts off a comatose Wesker into a nearby chopper for some medical attention…

**Next Time on Survivor…**

**Who will become the final jury member?**

_

* * *

__A/N: First I would like to thank Maurice Valmont for the flower arranging idea, GoldenB for the find the immunity idol idea, Akai Kahghe for the lurker riding idea, and Cobal+Dragon for the aerosol cheese idea. All of those were excellent immunity challenge ideas I decided to thrown into one chapter, in one form or another, since this is the last immunity challenge chapter. Hope you enjoyed!_

_Alright, here's the deal. Brad has immunity, you **CANNOT** vote for him at all! Your choices:_

_**Jill **or **Alfred**_

_Cast your votes people and only three more chapters to go!_


	37. Tribal Council 18

A/N: I waited for a while, to give as many people as possible enough time to vote. Kind of a mistake since it came out in a tie. Now, for the first time I am going to actually vote…in the past tribal councils I have actually never cast a vote. So if you don't like who wins, blame me.

Also this is going to be kind of a short chapter since this is basically the last tribal council to vote someone off and there is only three people…and only one of them actually get to vote. Only two more chapters to go people…

**

* * *

**

**HCF Camp…**

Cameraman J glanced around wearily. What happened to Cameraman I, you may be asking? Well it would appear our little yellow herb addict found Wesker's secret stash of hair gel…repeat…**_hair gel_**…and overdosed. May he rest in peace along with several other former Cameramen.

Anyway…

Brad is playing with Sanzo and Fluffy, trying not to make eye contact with Jill or Alfred. The latter were off on opposite sides of the camp, playing with their respective pets, and trying to come up with ways of getting Brad to vote the other off.

Once WC had landed, literally on Wesker's head, and explained that Brad couldn't get rid of his immunity, both of them realized that poor little Brad would be the only one voting. Meaning that one of them was going in the cage and the other was going to the final two.

Needless to say, short of murder, they had to depend completely on their own brainpower and whatever they had that could be used to bribe Brad. From the looks of things…well they're starting to think like Wesker, which is really creeping me out.

"Oh I have an excellent plan." Jill laughs in a very Wesker-like way, causing Cameraman J to whimper in a very Brad-like way. "It's foolproof."

"I only have one thing I can do." Alfred whimpered as Lady patted him on the back with a long vine tentacle. "It's my only chance of getting to the final two!"

Cameraman J, sensing that things were about to get interesting…not to mention potentially dangerous…went into passive mode and trained his camera on Brad and his two little pets. Two seconds later Alfred snuck over and tapped Brad lightly on the shoulder.

"Yes Alfred?"

Brad sounded tired, which is why when Alfred screamed and jumped ten feet in the air…well let's just say it didn't make a whole lot of sense. After giving Alfred ten minutes to calm down, Brad cleared his throat.

"What is it you want Alfred?"

"Ummm…could you not vote for me?"

"Alfred, I haven…"

Suddenly Alfred scrambled around the side of the log Brad was sitting on, grabbed him by the front of the shirt, and jerked Brad's head forward so their faces were only inches apart. The only thing keeping Sanzo and Fluffy from attacking was Lady. To say that Brad was surprised would be an understatement.

"Uh, Alfred?"

"I'll give you an island! I have a very nice one, ok it has some debris littering it and I think some B.O.W. might still be running around. But I swear the zombies are all dead!"

"Alfred, I…"

"I don't have any money anymore, curse Enron, but I do have a couple pretty ant objects and three military proofs you could make good money on at e-bay…I would have a signet ring but Chris stole it…"

"Alfred…"

"What about a date with Alexia? I could arrange it, it wouldn't be that hard, plus she did say you were kinda cute…she likes the sort of cowardly guys…no offense! Please don't kill me…"

"Alfred I was…wait, did you say a date with Alexia?"

Alfred nods frantically as Brad ponders the ramifications of dating a woman that could spontaneously burst into flames…

…_20 minutes later…_

Brad was throwing some wood on the fire when Jill sauntered over to him, riding Cloud…I must comment that Jill is naked right now. Brad glanced up, sighed, then went back to tending the fire.

"Hey Jill."

Jill is not pleased. Not only is her foolproof plan not working, but it is a major insult to a woman if you glance up at her naked body and are completely uninterested. What follows is a lot of screaming and violence not fit for the viewing audience…

**- Commercial Break -**

"_Hello!"_

_An overly perky young blonde waves at the camera. She's dressed in red shorts and a white tee shirt with the words: **Camp Umbrella** emblazoned across it in big blood red letters. Behind her is a large wooden sign that also reads **Camp Umbrella**, and right below that in exceptionally small letters and a foreign language, most likely ancient Aztec, is a disclaimer:_

_**We will NOT be held responsible if your precious little hellions are eaten by one of the sheer perfection bio-weapons we have wandering around out here. If they turn into zombies…well that's just tough shit…**_

_The blonde's smile doubles in size and she waves again._

"_I'm head councilor here at Camp Umbrella, my name is Miss Perky…yea!"_

_Unbeknownst to Miss Perky three campers go running by being chased by a Cerberus. Seconds later two other campers run screaming through camera range being chased by a Hunter._

"_We here at Camp Umbrella care about your children….yea! We have excellent facilities…"_

_The camera sweeps to a creepy looking cabin with a torch hung on either side of the door._

"…_caring staff…"_

_The camera then sweeps to Vincent who is teaching an Arts and Crafts class to a bunch of scared ten year olds. I'd be sacred too if he was getting ready to experiment on a camper._

"…_a beautiful lake…"_

_Still unknown to Miss Perky, a Lurker has just hopped out of the lake and is trying to swallow a screaming child. Two other campers are beating it with sticks._

"…_so if you need a few weeks off this summer, send you kids to Camp Umbrella. Remember Camp Umbrella helps the children, one miracle at a time…yea!"_

_As the screen goes back half a dozen campers, Richard Aiken, and Ada Wong go zipping through the camera shot…lumbering behind them is a very pissed off Nemesis…_

**- Back to the Show - **

Wesker's mouth dropped open and Bob fell off his head to the ground in astonishment as Jill rode into the tribal council area…still naked. Behind him, Alfred is smiling brightly and being carried by Lady, and way in the back being drug in is Brad. Brad is not doing well, in fact I think Jill may have broken more than a few bones.

Wesker shook his head, getting over the shock of seeing Jill naked, scooped up Bob, and commenced with the voting.

"Well now, only Brad can vote…please proceed."

Brad groaned and pulled himself across the floor to the voting pot. He scribbled out a singe name and held the card above the table for the camera to read…at this time only his hand is visible.

"I hurt…"

Instead of dropping the card in the pot, he pulled himself over to Wesker, slid the card into his hand, and produced $5000.00 in one hundred dollar bills from his pants pocket.

"Wesker…make it painful…"

He then shoved the money into the front pocket of Wesker's jeans, the pants he won from Vergil, and crawled back to Sanzo and Fluffy where he promptly passed out. Wesker glanced at the money in his pocket then down at the card.

"Oooooh Jiiiiiiiilllllll!"

**Somewhere on the Island…**

"I'm gonna kill the bitch!"

Since the wild chase through the woods the former tree bound survivors and now completely lost survivors are looking quite the worse for wear. Alex is now shirtless, but still has the two mice in her bra. Chris, Leon, and Nicholai are also shirtless…although I think Leon already was…covered in scratches, and their pants are now nothing more than ripped shorts. Yoko and Ada now have shorter than short shirts and are also covered in scratches. Annette has a black eye and is mumbling to herself. Alyssa has gone completely comatose. Claire is staying pretty close to Birkin after her head injury and Birkin himself lost his lab coat and shirt somewhere. For being a scientist nerd, he is actually pretty buff. Hunk, thank god, finally got his memory back, lost his utility belt, and now has a crush on Alex…join the club.

At the moment Leon, Chris, Hunk, and Nicholai are trying to keep Alex from strangling Ashley. Apparently she's been a royal pain since hooking up with the survivors during the last immunity challenge.

"Look here blondie." Ashley snapped, flicking a bit of hair out of her face. "Do you know who I am?"

"Yea…" Alex growled, as Ada and Yoko helped the others restrain her. "One dead bimbo in about three seconds!"

Cooperation and teamwork is not in their vocabulary…

**Back at Tribal Council…**

Wesker pokes the liquefied lump that used to be Jill and counts his money. Meanwhile…Alfred heads back to camp in happy, happy, joy, joy bliss…Brad is carried back by Sanzo and Fluffy…

**Next Time on Survivor…**

**The Jury will decided who now gets the Million Dollars…**

**The Former Contestants escape the island…maybe…I think…**

* * *

A/N: I bet you thought it would never happen. But the time has come…that's right I'm asking you to vote again…but this time…

_Who do you **want** to win the Million? _Alfred or Brad?

It's up to you…who's going to be rich and who's going to be very pissed off?


	38. The Jury Votes

_**A/N: **Well the vote started out close, but it didn't stay that way. Of course, being the sadistic authoress that I am…well…you don't get to find out who wins till the last chapter. For those of you who have watched Survivor, you understand why this is happening like this. _

_For those of you who haven't seen the show, I apologize…but I don't mean it…am I evil or what?_

_Now…on with the jury…_

**

* * *

****HCF Camp…**

Cameraman J is especially board this morning, considering that none of the remaining survivors are actively trying to kill each other…or him for that matter. In fact, Brad and Alfred aren't doing much of anything other than playing with their respective pets and contemplating the upcoming Jury vote.

Luckily, Brad found a stash of gold herbs growing nearby so he's back to his normal self, though looking much more buff than he did when he first arrived. Alfred is still as ditzy, goofy, wimpy, and as fluffy as usual. As much as I hate to relay this information…he's back in the red bikini he was wearing at the start of the show.

I know…I think I might be sick too…

**Somewhere on the Island…**

Alex is ahead of the former tree bound and now complexly lost survivors. Just behind her, glaring at each other, is Leon and Chris. Walking behind them, carrying the still comatose Alyssa, is Hunk and Nicholai. Birkin is dragging a mumbling Annette along, while Ada, Claire and Yoko drag along a hogtied and gagged Ashley.

Alex is still pissed at Ashley but she is containing it well. Besides after being thrown in a tree, bugged by numerous B.O.W., flew through a hurricane, fought off some lickers, survived being chased by an El Gigante, and even went to far as to give her big brother a good thrashing…a little stuck up blonde bimbo is really nothing worth bothering about. Still the little blonde bimbo is scratching at her last nerve so she has finally gotten with Birkin and the two of them have devised a plan.

In fact, they are on their way to said plan now. With all the hell that group has been through I certainly hope this works out better than the aerosol canned cheese idea…

**Tribal Council Area…**

Wesker is back in his usual good spirits and appears to have located his former wardrobe to boot. He's back in his black combat outfit, black sunglasses, and even has his normal slick backed blonde hair combed to perfection. He's grinning more evilly than usual it seems.

A few minutes later Brad, with Sanzo, Fluffy, and Cloud, wanders into the area. Cloud, it would appear likes Brad much better than he liked Jill. I guess Brad just has a way with animals, or in this case unnatural B.O.W. Alfred comes skipping in a few seconds later, followed by Lady. Yea, the female Plant 42 is still creeping me out as well.

Anyway…

"Well now, here we are." Wesker smirked looking over our two remaining survivors. "The final two. How do you feel?"

"Pretty good." Brad smiles, patting Sanzo on the head. "Although Alfred and his plant are still creeping me out."

"Yea well, it's creeping me out too, and I'm an evil bastard." Wesker shudders slightly and turns his attention to Alfred. "Oh dear god! Put some freaking clothes on!"

While Wesker, and many, many, viewers at home get violently ill, some of the show's crewman arrive on the scene with some spare clothing…

**- Commercial Break -**

"_Hello."_

_A very buff and extremely rugged looking man steps out in front of the camera, he is dressed in a UBCS uniform._

"_Are you looking for a job where you get to shoot guns all day?"_

_The screen fads out, showing several UBCS agents blowing holes into some Zombies, Hunters, and Lickers. The agents are laughing and drinking beer as the obviously CGI creatures die, rather ridiculously easy I might add._

"_Do you want to be paid obscene amounts of money for very little work?"_

_The screen changes to an Agent just as he blows away a nearby, and again CGI, zombie. As the dead zombie hits the floor a woman in a very low cut dress hands the agent three large stacks of hundred dollar bills._

"_Then I have just the job for you!"_

_The screen switches back to the rugged looking recruiter as a blonde woman in a bikini struts into the scene holding a large sign which reads: _Join the UBCS…earn big bucks…do very little work…IT'S FUN!

"_Join the ranks of Umbrella's elite today!"_

_As the screen fades to black the ad finishes off with an number and a little message:_

_1-800-UMB-UBCS_

_Call today…we know where you live…_

**- Back to the Show -**

Wesker, and the viewers at home, are now feeling better. This is of course thanks to the fact that Alfred, pissed though he is, is now dressed in a pair of blue jeans and an black tee-shirt. Incidentally the tee-shirt says: _Wesker for Supreme World Leader!_. The slogan does not go unnoticed by Brad.

"Uh, Wesker, question."

"Yes?"

"What is it with you and this Supreme World Leader shit?"

"I'm evil, it's what I do."

"Uh…that isn't much of a answer you know." Brad cocks his head. "Why the hell are you evil anyway?"

"Evilness is in my blood!" Wesker holds out his arms, laughing insanely. "It's marching through my veins like…RADIOACTIVE RUBBER PANTS!"

Brad, Alfred, and all the pets stare at Wesker like he has finally and truly lost his mind. Weskerlets his evil laughter trail off, then coughs.

"Now then, we'll bring in the jury."

Nemmy leads the way, followed by Morpheus, Marcus, Billy, Carlos, Jill, Rebecca, and, brining up the rear, Alexia. The eight former survivors take their seats on some conveniently placed risers to Brad and Alfred's right. They look pretty good actually, as the producers let them out of the cage shortly before the show started so they could take a shower and get a change of clothes.

"Now then." Wesker clears his throat, as Bob squeaks from atop his head. "You two will be able to make an opening statement, then each jury member will ask you questions that will no doubt embarrass you and make my night that much more enjoyable, and then when that is over with you two will make your closing arguments. Any questions…no…good. Brad since you won the last immunity challenge you get to go first."

Brad blinks at Wesker for a few moments, wondering if he's going to make another crazy outburst, then finally clears his throat.

"Well, I think you should vote for me because I really wasn't responsible for voting any of you off, with the exception of Jill of course…sorry about that. And, because Alfred is a fluff with bad fashion sense. Thank you."

Alfred glares at Brad, but decides that perhaps the little coward could easily kick his ass. Instead he makes his opening statement.

"I think you should vote for me because Brad is a coward who abandoned everyone to die at the Spencer Mansion."

What happens next is not that surprising…Brad jumps Alfred…

**Meanwhile…**

After walking, for what seems like hours but was really only about thirty minutes, the former tree bound survivors find themselves on the outskirts of a clearing. Although, they are still well hidden in the tree line. Carefully they peek through the foliage and are more than slightly surprised by what greets them. There, in the middle of the clearing, is a large restaurant, called _The Arklay Lab Restaurant and Bar_, three large choppers, several trucks, and about a dozen Survivor crewmen are either milling about or sitting in the restaurant's patio drinking.

"Alright, here's the plan."

Alex quickly lays out the plan, expressing how grateful she is that Birkin was paying more than a little attention during the last immunity challenge. It seems that when the chopper showed up to break up the chaotic fight, and get Wesker some medical attention, Birkin paid close attention to where it had come from. He then got together with Alex and the two of them came up with a plan to steal one of the choppers and escape the island.

Though not very happy about letting the chick loose, Ada untied the very irate Ashley. As soon as the gag and ropes come off, Ashley goes on a full on rant. Which even annoys Leon.

"Oh you guys are so going to get it! Do you know who my father is? Why I bet…"

While Ashley is busy ranting, Alex sneaks up behind her, pulling out the can of aerosol cheese they had before used for the _Help_ message. Using her bio-enhanced speed she wrote a message on the bimbo's back and tossed the now empty can into some nearby bushes. Incidentally the message reads: _Free Food…Please Eat Me!_

As Ashley goes on to explain all the horrible things her father is going to do to them, the former survivors take two steps away from her as a loud crash echoes across the island. Seconds later El Gigante crashes into the scene, knocking over several trees. Ashley lets out a blood curdling scream and does exactly what Alex and Birkin were anticipating…she ran full tilt into the clearing.

The former tree bound survivors watched the pandemonium with much glee involved. Though Leon seems to have a few reservations.

"You know, this is so not going to look good on my work record."

"Don't worry about it Leon." Alex patted him on the back. "Government jobs aren't all they're cracked up to be anyway…"

**- Another Commercial -**

"_Are you looking for fine family cuisine?"_

_A nice looking Umbrella scientist trots out in front of the camera, lab coat and all. He smiles at the camera as a zombie, dressed like a waiter, shambles out to stand next to him._

"_Then come to the _Arklay Lab Restaurant and Bar. _We served only the finest hand-made B.O.W. that Umbrella has to offer. Not only that, but your dinner will be served by authentic zombies."_

_The Scientist pats the Zombie waiter on the head. In response the Zombie attacks, trying to eat him. As the Scientist screams bloody murder the scene is hastily replaced by a cute little jingle and an add for the restaurant. Five seconds later the scientist goes running through the screen, still being chased by the zombie…_

**- Back to the Show -**

Alfred and Brad both look like they've been run over by Mack trucks. Alfred's condition is of course due to the beating he received from Brad. Brad's current physical problems stem from Wesker beating the hell out of him, really for no good reason but he claims it was to keep Brad from killing Alfred. Anyway, now that the respective beatings are over, Nemmy is the first to step down and ask his questions.

"starrrrsss, starrrrsss starrrrsss, starrrrsss starrrrsss starrrrsss…starrrrsss."

_Translation: Do you feel you played this game well, or did you coast through simply because no one saw you as a threat until very late in the game?_

Brad and Alfred glanced at each other, their faces blank, then glanced at Wesker. Wesker shrugged, looking as clueless at them. Nemmy finally growled, threw his hands up in defeat and sat back down. Morpheus steps down next, it flips some hair out of its face and clears its throat.

"Alfred, who do you think is cuter, me or Alexia?"

Alfred's eyes go extremely wide. Needless to say this is a really tough decision for him. On one hand there is his undying devotion to Alexia, on the other hand there is a million dollars at stake.

"Uh…you?"

There is a loud scream of anger from the Jury and Alexia does a flying leap to land on Alfred's head. After ten minutes of her beating the shit out of him, Wesker steps in and jerks Alexia off. He tosses her into a nearby empty cage and dusts his hands off, smirking evilly.

"Proceed."

"Brad, do you think I'm sexier than Jill?"

"Uh…sure, why not?"

Morpheus squeals with joy and sits down. Jill is now glaring daggers at Brad, of course Brad wasn't exactly counting on her vote in the first place. Marcus steps down next and clears his throat.

"Brad, do you think this outfit looks good on me?"

Brad stares at Marcus like he's lost his mind. In the meantime, Alfred piped up and answered the question.

"I like it!"

"Oh Alfred you are such a cutie."

Marcus gives him a smile and sits back down. Brad looks ready to hurl, as does the viewing audience I would wager. Next up is Billy. He steps down looks at the two men and opts to just make a statement.

"I think Alfred is just a freaky little person."

He then sits down and Carlos is next. He opts to not even make a statement, so does Jill, who still looks exceptionally pissed off. So Rebecca trots down, smiling happily at the two men.

"Alright. Brad why did you leave everyone to die in the Mansion?"

"Uh…I was freaked out by Joseph getting eaten by a dog."

"Good answer. Alfred is it true you like your sister just a little too much?"

"Not anymore…"

This answer is met by loud curses and shrieks from the nearby cage. Rebecca smiles and takes her seat. Wesker doesn't bother to let Alexia speak. Instead he motions for Brad and Alfred to speak. Brad of course goes first.

"Well no matter what very cowardly things I've done…Alfred is still a freaky little plant loving troll."

Alfred lets out a high pitched squeak and jumps Brad. Meanwhile Wesker motions for the jury to make their votes. Nemmy starts them out and Alexia finishes off by her cage. Finally, Wesker bops Brad and Alfred on the head with a rolled up magazine, almost knocking them unconscious, and grabs the voting jar. He then graces all those present with the most malicious smirk displayed throughout the entire series.

"Now I know you are just dying to see the results of the vote…well, life's a bitch isn't it?"

While everyone present stares, Wesker heads out of the tribal council area carrying the pot. He then crawls inside a waiting chopper and leaves the island…

**Next Time on Survivor…**

**Back on the mainland we discover who is the winner…**

**The former tree bound survivors make it back to the mainland and wreck havoc at the reunion show…**

**Wesker pushes his evilness to the limit…**

* * *

A/N: I am just so evil aren't I? Yes indeedy people just one more chapter and you will discover who the winner of the million is. Also before people start asking, there will be a sequel to this. Just be patient. Also the RADIOACTIVE RUBBER PANTS line comes from a cartoon called Invader Zim. I've just been waiting for the opportune moment to use it...I find it funny...lol... 


	39. The Reunion Show

_A/N: First of all I would like to thank a friend of mine, Nefarious Angel, for his suggestion of the UBCS commercial in the last chapter. Secondly…_

_This is it everyone…the final chapter…_

**

* * *

**

**Somewhere over the Mid Atlantic…**

Alex tightened her grip on the Control stick, to the point where it was making some rather unnerving cracking sounds. Chris, sitting in the copilot's seat, glanced over uneasily. At this point, breaking the control stick would not be a very good idea.

The cause of Alex's anger was sitting in the back with the other former tree bound and totally lost survivors, yelling at the top of her lungs and threatening everyone within listening distance. In retrospect, Leon felt that perhaps he should not have saved Ashley from becoming an El Gigante snack.

"My father is the President of the United States! I'll have your jobs! You'll be living in Federal Prison for the next two hundred years! And furthermore…"

Secretly, everyone was wondering how long it was going to be before Alex killed her in a very painful and messy way…

**Meanwhile at Madison Square Garden in New York City…**

All of the former contestant, plus their pets, are assembled on stage ready for the results of the vote. Everyone of them had been given the chance to take a shower and get a change of clothes, including our two prospective winners. All of the former contestants are now wearing the clothing from their respective games.

Jill has on her tube top mini skirt ensemble from RE3. Billy is back in his black jeans and wife blue wife beater. Marcus is back in the freaky opera dress. Carlos has his UBCS outfit from RE3. Rebecca, apparently, has opted for the alternate leather outfit from RE0. Nemmy is in his black leather trench coat, sans rocket launcher…thank goodness. Alexia decided to de-mutate and has donned her purple ball gown. And finally, Brad is back in his STARS uniform from RE3 and Alfred has opted for…shudders…his 'Alexia' outfit. Right now, I suspect the viewers at home are getting violently ill.

In the audience, WC is looking particularly proud of herself. No doubt this is due to the overwhelming success of the show and the fact that she never thought she'd ever get to the end of it…not with her sanity intact anyway. Sitting on her right was one of her best friends, hereafter referred to as AC. On the other side of AC was JC, AC's husband and another friend of WC. Sitting to the left of WC is yet another friend, Nefarious Angel, hereafter referred to as NA.

You know with all these initials floating around I suspect the viewers at home are going to get extremely confused, a condition that does not seem to be bothering WC in the slightest. She's evil, what more can I say?

Anyway…

While WC is gloating over her great success, Wesker finally arrives with the voting pot. There is a resounding cheer from the audience, several women go so far as to swoon at the site of him. Wesker smirks and sets the pot down on a table near the former contestants. His smirk widens as he lifts the lid of the pot and…

**- Commercial Break -**

_Two very hyperactive and somewhat drugged up scientists come running into camera view. In their hands is an extremely large cardboard box._

"_HELLO!" _

_They scream in unison, shattering several nearby windows and killing some poor old woman by exploding her pacemaker. The two hyperactive Umbrella scientists, identified by the large Umbrella logo on the pocket of their lab coats, do not appear to notice the carnage they have wrought. Instead they drop the large cardboard box they are carrying and smile brightly at the camera. I should take this opportunity to mention the box is roughly six and half feet tall and five feet wide._

"_We at Umbrella Inc, know how excited everyone is about the new Survivor…so we've designed the perfect collectable for you fans at home!"_

_The two scientists then jump up and down in unabashed glee. Scientist number two is the first one to shake off the effects of unchecked perkiness and sleep deprivation to speak._

"_So we've created a Wesker you can own!"_

_The two scientists rip open the box to reveal an exact replica of Albert Wesker, CVX version. _

"_Just call the number at the bottom of the screen and take your choice between CVX version, Remake version, or RE4 version! JUST ADD WATER!"_

_In unison…_

"_CALL TODAY!"_

_A number and brief message pop up on the bottom of the screen:_

_1-800-1-WESKER_

_Disclaimer: Umbrella Inc will not be held responsible if your Wesker tries to kill and/or maim you. We will also not be held responsible if your Wesker tries to take over the world. DO NOT under any circumstances allow your Wesker to come in contact with our Chris Version 1.5 model. If any Wesker model comes in contact with a Chris Version 1.5 we will not be held responsible for any ensuing property damage…Thank You…_

**- Back to the Show -**

Back at Madison Square Garden, Wesker is just finishing up beating the hell out of the man responsible for cutting to commercial just as he was preparing to tell everyone present who won the million dollars. After some more tortured screams, Wesker saunters back into camera view, wiping a bit of blood from his hands. He grins evilly at the audience, again causing women to swoon, and clears his throat.

"Since I have better things I could be doing with my time I'm not reading every frigging vote in this jar, instead I'm simply going to impart to you imbeciles the news that Brad has won the money."

There is some shouts of joy from the audience, the former survivors, and loud sobbing from Alfred…which everyone ignores. Brad proceeds to jump up and down as two scantily clad women hold up an oversized check made out to Brad. Wesker continues to smirk with evil glee as a third scantily clad woman struts out holding the actual check for one million dollars…

**Somewhere over New York City…**

"Just you wait! My Daddy is not going…

"THAT'S IT!"

There is a loud cracking sound as Alex snaps the chopper control stick in half, dives into the back, and beats Ashley mercilessly about the head and shoulders. As the chopper spins out of control, Chris desperately tries to get it UNDER control while the remaining passengers are torn between screaming from fear and cheering Alex on…

**Back at the Garden…**

Just as scantly clad woman number three passes Wesker, he neatly plucks the check from her hand. Needless to say this causes the joyess celebration to end quick, fast, and in a hurry. Although I must say no one seems very surprised.

In the audience, WC has donned a construction hat and has crawled under her seat, AC, JC, and NA follow suit. While WC is hiding, Wesker breaks down into a fit of evil laughter, which lasts for several minutes. Just as everyone looks to be getting board, he wraps it up…Bob squeaks his approval.

"Ah well then, it was very nice watching…all…of…"

Wesker trails off as a high pitched whine echoes through the Garden. However he quickly recovers.

"As I was saying, it was…"

"DIE YOU EVIL BLONDE BIMBO!"

Even Wesker looks shocked by the echoing scream which appeared to be coming from outside. Suddenly the whine increases, which is followed by more muffled shouting from outside and above the Garden…

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"DIE, BLONDIE, DIE!"

"WE'RE GOING DOWN!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Just as Wesker tries to once again make his intentions known, there is a loud crash directly above him…

"Holy shit!"

Wesker and the rest of the contestants dive out of the way as a large chopper crashes through the roof of the Garden. The audience scatters out the door like scared chickens as debris rains down on them, with the exception of WC, AC, JC, and NA…who are still hiding under their chairs.

The former contestants, still on stage and now in various states of injury, slowly get to their feet. Wesker, laying near the edge of the stage, slowly stands, coughing at all the dust in the air. He glances up as the nose of the chopper, which is hanging about five feet from the stage floor. Inside he spots Chris, twitching slightly and looking ready to hurl.

"Damn Redfield, can't…SHIT!"

Wesker hastily dodges as a body comes flying out of the side door of the chopper and hits Alfred in the head, knocking him unconscious. The body is none other than the now severely beaten Ashley. Seconds later, Alex's head appears at the chopper door. It takes all of three seconds for her to spot her big brother.

"You!"

"Now sis, calm down."

Wesker holds up his hand, trying to pacify his baby sister. In the process he displays the stolen check, which only seems to piss Alex, and the other former tree bound survivors, off even more. Alex drops the stage, just as Wesker takes a tentative step backwards. Seconds later, Claire and Leon jump out, holding what appears to be rather large pipes. Hunk, Nicholai, and Birkin jump out next, brandishing large wooden planks. Yoko, Ada, Alyssa, and Annette are just behind them holding what look to be whips, much like Rebecca's. The final person out is Chris, holding an abnormally large combat knife.

"Get him!"

The former tree bound survivors jump Wesker. Seconds later the other former contestants, with the exception of the unconscious Alfred, jump Wesker. While the former contestants whale the shit out of Wesker, Brad grabs his check and skips off with Sanzo, Cloud, and Fluffy in tow. WC, AC, JC, and NA are watching the show and eating popcorn…

**Several Hours Later…**

"Well, that was fun." Alex smiles brightly. "Come on Chris, let's go get a pizza."

Alex and Chris walk off, holding hands, in search of a good pizza place. Jill and Carlos emerge a few minutes later, looking a trifle banged up but none the worse for wear, they head off toward a nearby McDonalds. Alexia comes strutting out, dragging Alfred by the shirt collar, and heads toward Fifth Avenue. Annette comes stumbling out just behind her husband, looking slightly catatonic. Birkin just shrugs and drags her off toward the nearby Umbrella offices.

All in all, each of the former tree bound survivors step out of the garden and head off on there separate ways. With the exception of our dear injured Wesker…who's poor mangled body has been drug off stage by WC and hauled back to her apartment…

**And that is the end of that. The end of another successful season of Survivor, despite the fact that our illustrious, yet incredibly evil host, appears to be in for some suffering. Brad has won the million dollars, the rest of the contestants seem happy to have beaten Wesker almost to death.**

**And just what is on the agenda for next season…well…**

_**Survivor: Resident Evil VS. Devil May Cry…**_

_**- Fin -**_

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_A/N: I want to thank everyone who read and reviewed my story. I am honored that this story garnered so much interest from everyone involved. Thanks goes out to those of you who contributed immunity ideas and voted as well. _

_- W.C._


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